Saturday. 5.20.06 1:03 pm
A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter asks, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up."
he Intenal Revenue sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a
synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the
Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we
have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and
then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question
actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another
question, in his obnoxious way...
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do...with the
crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs,
we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then,
they send a box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from
the circumcisions? "
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is
save up all the foreskins. And when we have enough we actually send them
to the Internal Revenue Service."
"Internal Revenue Service?," questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue Service. And... about
once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
I went into the 7-11 gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.
The clerk just farted and gave me a receipt.
A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.
Out of breath he asked, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a
few minutes. I'll explain WHY later."
The nun agreed.
Just a moment later two Military Police came running along and asked,
"Sister, have you seen a soldier running by here??"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MP's disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and
said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to
Iraq."
The nun said, "I think I can fully understand your fear."
The soldier added, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you
have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a
great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either.
.
Two Iranian spies met in a busy restaurant after they had successfully
slipped into the U.S.
The first spy starts speaking in Arabic. The second spy quickly whispers in
his ear: "Don't blow our cover. You're in America now. Speak Spanish."
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