First off, stupid Wendy's dollar chicken burgers!!
*angry glare*

Secondly, this is an excerpt from elsewhere....







I don't want to go to the wedding.
Firstly, I don't much care for bobby. It's not that I hate him so much that I don't know him. The last time I saw him was Thanksgiving '07. It's been 2 years. I don't even know Toe's babies. It's distance and age and prejudice. It's bad, but it's true. I'll be glad to see mom and dad, but even then I worry. I worry about what'll be said and how we'll leave each other. They have a tendancy to really push me. And not in a good way. Never a good way. But, I'll go and once i'm there i'll be happy that I went. That's usually the way of the world.

The more I hear about it, and with this whole Swine Flu thing - I want to leave. There's this part of me that wants to save money and just leave. Move to Italy for a year. Spain for another. London for yet another and Australia for who knows how long. I mean, think about it....If the swine flu gets really bad, then what?! Will it matter that I haven't graduated college? Will I be sad because I don't make 40,000 a year? Will I be worried about my house or clothes? No. I'll be upset because I haven't seen these things. I'll be upset because I never got to stand on my bridge in Venice. I'll hate myself for never eating Gellato in Italy or seeing the Tower of London. I'll have never witnessed the running of the Bulls, or have sit on a foreign beach watching the sun set. No. I'll have stayed in Texas. I'll have been sitting here in this crap job serving crap popcorn to crap people stressing myself over school and trying to live up to all these expencations. But, then I think about leaving and I get homesick for my parents and brother. I love those 3 people more than any of them will ever know (no matter how much I want to beat them sometimes) the thought of being away from them for SO LONG pulls at my heartstrings quite strongly. But, I've been away from them for so long NOW that I wonder how much diffrence it would actually be.
Alll those thoughts leave me running circles in my brain....

Argh! at this rate, i'll never have my bookshop/pie store, which is what I ACTUALLY want to do! And to actually be a libraian?! ANOTHER 2 years of school?! Is it worth it?

I want a family. I want a farm. I want simplicity and the country. Laredo was too much of an in between to let me know that. It was too small town and forced me to want the city life. Fort Worth was just big enough to show me how horrible it is! I mean, it has it's points but STILL! It's all hustle and bustle and traffic and morning coffe to make you go - not because you enjoy it.

What difference am I actually making? What do I matter in the world RIGHT.NOW.?

But, I don't want to leach myself onto anyone elses dream. I don't want to follow anyone just because..........
I want to do this - and I don't want to do it for myself. But....there's so many variables it's nauseating. NAUSEATING.
But the thing is, it isn't my dream. It was someone else's first. And I don't want to impeade on that. I don't. It's up to them if they want to let me in.






I don't know. I don't know where this leaves me, but it's not in the places i've been before and that's scary cause it's so new and so alien a thought to all I've thought before. I'm changing - but it's into a much simpler person than before.

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