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Epiphany?
Monday. 5.14.07 5:38 pm
He's right. On top of that, he's known. Which makes me feel dilluted because so have I.

I watched Retun of the King yesterday. The last time I sat the whole way through was at a graduation party 3 years ago. Needless to say I didn't pay as much attention to it as I would have liked. I didn't even WATCH it this time until after I recieved a phone call.

Then I heard it.

listen. listen. listen.
*click*


I had simply let the images wash over me, much as I had done with the words. I needed to watch them now. I needed to be them. I had to connect. My mind raced and I began to cry. Was it because of the movie...or, was it for me? For all that I have missed out on and am only now starting to see? I have been seeing it - for some time really - but I was only allowing in a few rays. I have now pulled back the curtains and have given the light full access inside my home. However, I may have waited too long, taken too much for granted. I pray I haven't made the same mistake twice, but how can you stop the sun from setting?

I lit a few candles and settled down to read the first few parts of my homework for summer school. I put on Adagio for Strings and lay down on the floor of my room (as I often do when I really want to mull things over). I thought about all that's happened, how things are, and all the open doors that lay before. I thought about where I was and how I've moved from there. The small changes that have already happened. I'm not done yet. "You've barely even started, all you've done is tell me that there's an iceberg, you haven't even begun describing it". I didn't do more because I was scared. As I am with so many things that I shouldn't be. I'm done being controlled by my fear - most of which are irrational. I don't pretend to know all of what's going to happen, or that I won't be worried about it, but since we've got a whole lotta unknown why not try and direct some of it? I'm ready for change. Not total change - but enough to trully matter. Some of it will be harder than the rest. Some......I don't want to ever come, but we were never promised what we wanted.


Lorne: "Yeah, you are in a bad place, aren't you doll? - You thought you could outrun them - and maybe you were free. - But those old monsters hunted you down. - I know why you're running away, Fred. You know what your problem is?"
Fred: "I'm not strong enough to stay and face my fear."
Lorne: "No. You haven't run far enough."
1 Comments.


I'm not a big fantasy fan but Return of the King is an excellent movie.
» Southern on 2007-05-14 06:35:26

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