I was given a piece of information yesterday. That has made me completely rethink the last...oh 2 years or so.

It really freaks me out to think how different my life would have been if you had just told me this all that summer...

Part of me feels like I should be furious because well you were a big ass, and everything you called yourself I agree with. Because what you did was wrong, I was nice and you were not, and you should feel bad for how you handled it.

I don't think I would have dated Alex again had I known this information. But then who would I have leaned on when everyone died that winter? Would I have been closer with Casey since there would have been no Alex to cause tension? How much extra money would I have in my freaking bank account?

Would I have found someone different to help me get through those days? I think I would have. I don't think you have any idea how deeply what you said to me hurt....how self conscious they made me. How even to this day I think my fear in/of new relationships is because of that summer.

But now all of those ideas are shattered with this...revelation. To know it wasn't the girl I always thought or even me really...It's very eye opening.

Like I said I feel like I should be so mad for lots of reasons. But I really...other then the curiousness I have for what my life would have been like, I don't mind.

Because the way I see it, if you had been honest and let me know everything I wouldn't be who I am today... I wouldn't be with Warren, and I am very happy with him. So....yeah, looks like I have a tendency of forgiving boys who hurt my feelings, join the club.

lol What a trip! I wish I could tell someone all the details, but this might have to stay between us.

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