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Headache --;;
Wednesday. 6.6.07 8:38 pm
listening to: Sugarcult - Memory
mood: extremely tired

Okay. I'm going to cut this blog short because the computer restarted earlier when I was making an extremely long post ==;;.

Two weeks ago I cut my hair. In some ways, it represented my 'rebirth' because I found new courage that I never knew I was capable of having. I broke up with my boyfriend, who I gave a second chance to. I just realized that my feelings for him died a long time ago and... being with him was a strain. Regardless if I didn't want to hurt him, I had to. I told it to him face to face two days after my hair cut, and I didn't flinch. He cried but I felt my resolution standing strong.

I am happy that I gained such courage, but now my past mistake is catching up to me. Because I gave him a second chance, he believes there will be a third and he's not moving on...

I also have a new problem. I have a crush. Because of my courage, I boldly confessed to him... But yeah, he's a bit awkward around me now. This was yesterday too --;. Then today... one of my girl friends was walking with me to fifth period along with the guy I confessed to and one of my guy friends. And well, just last week I was talking to her about some things that well, revolve around that issue. I didn't want to tell her but my guy friend brings it up and oh geez, I had to tell her. I felt that if I let him tell her she'd be even more mad. She got mad, but jokingly. We're 'married' so she said I was cheating on her. And throughout the entire walk I was pleading and begging and apologizing lol. Boy was I a sight... but in any case... I felt that she was really mad at me, even though occasionally she'd smile. I felt they were fake... and even though we were acting, I thought she really wasn't.

So, my head hurts frequently now. Everytime I have something mind-boggling or an issue, my head hurts and I feel extremely tired that I want to sleep. It's like when a person's depressed and they go eat the unhappiness away... but in my case I'd rather sleep my sadness away. It feels like everyone's turning their backs on me and trying to step on me. Haha, nah... it's not that bad but I feel like I shouldn't deal with anyone anymore and just... shut up.

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