mood: Feeling like Anh was right...


"Don't look so sad, Jon," Caitlin says to me as she tightens her grip on either side of my coat, pulling me closer. I bite my bottom lip.

"I'm not.. I just.." I stop stammering when I notice her open her mouth as if to speak, only to bite down on her lip before bursting out in laughter. She was mocking me. "You'll see me again on Sunday. It's only two days away," she says with a smile.

I sigh, turn my gaze away from her and toward the sky above. "Yeah."




I'm playing with fire.


--EDIT FROM LAST NIGHT--

She texted me this morning, Sunday, to say that she couldn't see me today. I re-read this entry and relived this moment a hundred times in my mind and can't help but feel that I knew this would happen



"I'm so sorry, Jon. I couldn't..." She's talking to me, but I'm not listening. An occasional " Alright," or "Okay," suffices for an answer whenever she pauses and I realize it's my turn to say something. It was then that her voice lessened to that of a whisper:


"Are you mad at me?"

"...No."

"Are you sure? Jon, I'm so sorry.."
"..."

"Do you still love me?"
"... Don't tell anyone."









I should have never left Texas.

Sometimes I catch myself doing the same thing when I'm thinking while in conversation. So much that when I've hung up, there's a slight panic to recall what she had just said and wished phone calls were recorded. That or maybe I notice the sudden absence of her voice.

Crispy M&Ms would be magnificent. It would be greater than any Easter, Halloween, and Valentine's Day candy combined.
» yourcupoftea on 2009-01-11 01:23:37

It's weird.
When they apologize, you can't be upset at them anymore, but you still want to be upset at someone. Anyone, or any thing. It's confusing.
» middaymoon on 2009-01-11 04:44:28

I'll trade ya spots...

And don't play with fire. I know it's tempting but it burns.

That's why I didn't even allow matches into my life. Sad, sure. But safe.
» elessar257 on 2009-01-11 04:47:22

It's kind of eerie
how this happens. You'll write something somewhere, and then you come back and realize it was almost like foreshadowing, and that you should have seen it.

Though I guess you already know that.

Also, I have to wonder where chocolate chip pancakes fit into this equation.
» Unicornasaurus on 2009-01-11 08:17:15

I dunno...
I rather like the chocolate chip ones...
» Unicornasaurus on 2009-01-11 08:54:41

Wow.
» Unicornasaurus on 2009-01-11 09:13:26

im glad to know theres a light at this sucky highschool tunnel :]
» Ruby-in-slippers on 2009-01-11 10:23:33

lol.... sorry my net was crazy..
RYN: it might edible when i mail it, but i dont think u can eat it when it reach there ... LOL
» jolenesiah on 2009-01-11 10:27:42

lol if you buy the blanket please post pictures. seriously.
» ridiculosaur on 2009-01-11 10:52:49

Don't regret anything you do or you'll get stuck in that time period.

Ugh.. The people seem to be stuck in the invisible individual black and white TVs!
Which one of my bookmarks do you like? I might be able to recreate it and send it over, if you want.
» Nuttz on 2009-01-12 03:28:13

I'm sorry Didi... I forgot that sarcasm doesn't work when it comes to texts.
» undecided on 2009-01-12 04:12:32

*ahem*...
I feel silly for that last post.

But yeah.
» elessar257 on 2009-01-12 02:57:47

Seriously. As long as you stop long enough to make sure you have the right of way, what does it matter?
» Praetorian on 2009-01-12 03:59:19

R:C
It wasn't that long--only about 500 miles--but still, it was one of those situations where I couldn't move at all, hence the extreme discomfort.
» ranor on 2009-01-12 04:09:11

Idk. ): I haven't declared a major so I'm kind of just taking classes. I think I've got all my credits to get my AA, I just haven't gotten it signed off by a counselor. Yeeeahhh...
» Cher_lyn on 2009-01-13 02:56:00

Happy Birthday!!
Hope you'll have an awesome one.
» Nuttz on 2009-01-13 04:28:44

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
» Zanzibar on 2009-01-13 05:03:24

Sometimes, in a moment, I think about how it would've played out if I was writing it instead of living it. Each look would mean more, instead of eyes just being there. When I read your entries, even when they're sad, they make life sound so much prettier, and sincere, and that's how I imagine moments in my head.
» Illicit on 2009-01-13 01:41:46

happy belated birthday (:
what a perfect time to get down with your bad self, right?? hahaha (;
» ShaShaBoo on 2009-01-13 11:48:17

re:
Thanks for your good luck comment involving my finals! :)

And oh my, this entry of yours is somewhat depressing, ahh. I hope it's all well.
» zachstabbedme on 2009-01-18 01:24:47

you had 18 roommates? LIES! do you mean hallmates?
» dont-see on 2009-01-23 04:27:26

Name.

URL.

[to enter your email, use "mailto:[email protected]"]
Subject.

Comment.

Word verification.

Copy the first 4 characters only.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.