Tuesday. 7.18.06 12:33 am
My soul is as open as the sky
Often times its just as blue
People tell me to keep on dreamin'
Thats just what I'm gonna' do
Fifteen, maybe twenty kids... teenagers, biding their time outside of 'Phil's, ' a sixteen year old boy I met the day before. The boys played hockey in the street while the girls sat on the curb, smoking cigarettes and catching up on stories. I stepped to the side, turned my back to the entire group and focused on the sky above.
Caitlin. " ...there he goes again, staring off into the distance. " was my wakeup call from contemplating the three Cs. The boys were off playing hockey in the street still, and the girls were still sitting on the sidewalk smoking and talking, 'cept this time it was about me. "Oh, now he turns around. " I pout, push out my lower lip and lower my eyes to their faces, seeking out the pair of eyes I'd been studying for the past couple of days. Reflecting on it now, a month removed from my adventure in Kansas City, that night stands out as the main catalyst to the pensive state of mind I'm in at the moment. Another side of the girl I've known since I was in elementary was opened up to me that night. Prior to that night, our relationship consisted of late night phone calls and long winded letters ever since we both moved and were forced step into new phases in life. I moved into a new city just prior to junior high, had to make new friends
-That didn't work out too well since most of the people I'd claim as a friend or aquantance from 7th-10th grade are further away from me on a personal level than you, whoever you are, reading this is. I guess thats how highschool is... you do things to impress people, dress a certain way, talk a certain way, listen to whatever music just to fit in to a group, to belong until you reach a point where all that stuff doesn't matter so much. Its... complicated. Once you reach that point, the people you invested so much time, effort, and even money into in an attempt to fit in no longer seem to matter to you as they once did. A lot of people may want to be an individual, but believe you me, its not all that its cracked out to be, especially if you choose to be one. Being a nonconformist sucks because you never know just what to wear. -
And she had just moved to Kansas City I believe… anyway, there I was that night, spending time with the people who had put on this earth to live their own separate lives while molding hers, and in a way, my own. They affected her, and since she affected me… it was all connected. I reflect back on it now, remembering the faces of the girls on the sidewalk smoking their cigarettes and the boys running through the streets, not troubled by either the war in the middle east or the clash of Mavericks against Heat ( BOOOOOOOOO D-WADE ) and I wonder who among them were contributors to her struggle with drugs. Which among them were the children of the MK-ULTRA (Look it up, scary stuff) fiasco and which ones were people I would’ve really enjoyed being around. Despite the aloof contenance, the pwning of many a fool to be pittied in football( During my brief, brief successful career was a touch down I scored WHILE ON DEFENSE back in the 7th grade. Never achieved that much success on the JV or Varsity levels though. ), and the stoic dreamer façade worn during 11th and 12th grade, I generally enjoy other people… when they’re not teasing me about daydreaming and staring off into the distance, or playing hockey in the streets.
you're back!!! and what song came out of nowhere? does a song play on my page? that's not cool.
» Chloefoxx on 2006-07-18 12:57:16
well i'm glad you decided to pop back up! it's good to hear from you. and that's funny about the music, maybe i should add a player to my page or something.
» Chloefoxx on 2006-07-18 01:18:20
you know i'm your biggest fan.
» juicyy (71.231.77.147) on 2006-07-18 02:18:40
brazilian wax! duh! where you get waxed in your wooty and ur applebottom crack :D
» teresa on 2006-07-18 02:24:45
you want me to recommend some music? i have silly taste... but i say check out Interpols album Antics and listen to anything you can by Grandaddy and Pavement. oh, if i were to put a player on my page, i'd make it an option, i wouldn't embed the music so it played automatically. i hate that crap too.
» Chloefoxx on 2006-07-18 03:24:40
I hear you especially that second to last paragraph...
» monkeymeister on 2006-07-18 11:55:11
There was a time where you would type something in the shoutbox and it would be at the same location for weeks. That's when NuTang hit its low (at least to me). When I wrote the entry I just checked a dead forum that I was active in....and it made me sad because the owner hasn't been in for a year already and the forum is full of those photobucket images that say the picture was deleted or something. Since I revisited the dead forum I got sad and was relieved that NuTang is not dead. did that make sense?
» Ajibalaji89 on 2006-07-18 09:52:50
AWW no job yet.... hmmm.... you might not want to follow the makeup part.....
» finelegsforever on 2006-07-19 01:08:46
to increase your love for bunnies bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny !! » monkeymeister on 2006-07-19 02:19:39
What the heck is up with that MK-ULTRA thing.
Maybe they're controlling our minds right now..ooooohh..
Anyway, I'll make a conformist out of you. We're gonna shop at the m a l l ! Yay!
» anh. (24.0.85.182) on 2006-07-19 02:42:06
The Happy Gilmore thing is my sister... She's carzy. She quotes from movies, like, every single time she breathes. :D The title of that blog, "And I Don't Have Fleas" is also a quote, from Aladdin. Anyways. This may be incomprehensible. I like to read your blogs but at the moment I donnae have time! Eek! Bye!
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5 foot 6 lol
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i knoww! college will be such a new experience ..im anxious!
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