I am so bipolar. Hehehe. I am in such a good mood. Definitely in a much MUCH better mood than the past few days. I'm very content.

It's cause I talked to Candice about how I was feeling. And we've come to the conclusion that it's better off that we were just friends. How do I feel about that? Great! Hehe. I want to be her friend. And I want her to be happy, and Wendy can make her happy, and if anything ever happens between them, I'll be happy for the both of them cause I'm happy when Candice is happy and I would never ever want to hold her back. I don't want to be selfish with my love. And realistically and logically, I would want someone near me too. So yeah.

You know, I was worried that I would throw my walls up so high that they'll close her off. Like I was trying to do yesterday and the day before. But I'm not worried about that anymore because she would never hurt me in such a way where I would have to close her off. So no worries there. Yay! I'll always love her in some way or another and care about her. Always always. And that's all that matters. It's better to have her as a friend then no friend at all. =D So yes, I am very content right now. I'm actually not jealous that she went on a date with Wendy. Actually, a big part of me right now is hoping that they do get into something serious (not now, but when it seems right) cause Candice deserves someone who loves her just as much as she loves them. It hasn't gotten to love, but you know, my minds always in the future. Hehe. I hope they're having a good time. I like Wendy.

I like getting high. Not because of the way it makes me feel, but the way I'm able to sooo easily read people. It's just amazing to see the patterns in people's interactions. To know why they act the way they do. Like last night, when Candice, Blanca, and I were on the phone, it was just amazing to actually see the reasoning behind everything.

My friend is scared of her dominant side. It really can be a great gift if you know how to use it the right way. I don't blame her for being scared of it. Society is always telling us how it's wrong, but really, there's always this kind of power exchange in society. It's inevitable. The world wouldn't work if it didn't happen. So she shouldn't be scared of it. I use to hate my submissive side. Omg, I remember after Bettie, I tried soo hard to deny that side of me. Hehe. Of course, it didn't work. It's in my nature to be submissive. A natural submissive. I swear sometimes it's a curse. The dynamic between Candice and I scared my friend. Hehe. As it would probably scare a lot of people. I want to teach her not to be afraid of that side of her.

Candice says that I make a good slave. That makes me smile. Hehe. But really, I get punished way too much. But it's fun. God, I would probably be really destructive right now if I hadn't of met Candice. It's a relief to have her as a Domme. It's a big big relief that she understands. I get these sudden urges where I have to be dominated. And I'll do anything in my power to have someone dominant me. I've always been like that. Of course, it runs a lot of people away, cause they can't handle it. But Candice can cause she understands my urges. She knows how to control me. Mmmm. I like being her slave. I really really do. Hehe.

I'm a submissive to everyone. I'm a slave to whom ever I choose. I can't be a slave for someone whom I don't love. I figured this out too. I thought that I wouldn't be able to be a slave with someone that is in a relationship. But I can. As long as I love and care for the Domme, I have no problem with a uhh...poly (?) relationship. As long as they give me the right attention. Hehe. Of course, they'll have to know how to control me. And most people don't know the right buttons to push to control me.

I take pride in that. LoL. I love being stubborn and I love being a brat. =D

So there is my cheerful banter for today.

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» Christian (218.14.227.197) on 2010-09-03 11:00:19

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