Tuesday. 7.29.08 5:25 am
I woke up not so long ago thinking about my lack of female friends... “Girlfriends” like my childhood best friend’s mother would call them, her daughter and I would make faces whenever she used that term to describe girls who are friends back then and, really, thinking about it, they don’t call guys who are friends “boyfriends”, do they?
When I was younger, my friends were predominantly girls. Middle school and high school I hung out with the same group of girls and one guy who everyone knew was gay but didn’t say so till our sophomore year. There were other people, boys and girls... But as far as close friends went they were it. In college all of a sudden I was in the middle of a group of boys and when I said I was going to “hang out with the guys”, I was literally going to hang out with a bunch of guys. As far as girls went, there was only four of us. It was really sick, we were always together.... One of the girls ended up dumping one of the guys and everyone rejected and talked crap about her for months, another one ended with a similar fate after she started going out with a guy the rest of the group didn’t approve of. Banished from our little bubble soon after, of course. These previous incidents led to my fall from grace when I wasn’t willing to stop being friends with them, and little by little everything began to crumble as some of them graduated, the other girl got dumped by one of “the guys”, some transferred and everything was left a shell of what it once was. From time to time some of us will hang out, but that year and a half of closeness died. Those sort of odd close group relationships are fated to end badly.
I moved on from those guys, only stayed close to one of the girls and the other two I lost track of. Two years later I am still only close to that one girl, and the rest of my friends are guys and have been guys. I’m not one of those girls that bash other girls and label them as “catty”, which sadly is a common occurrence and one I don’t completely understand... I also don’t understand why I basically only have guy friends or why I’ve started feeling a bit bad I don’t have close friends of the same gender.
X or Y chromosomes don’t necessarily mean a better understanding of each other as people, physicalities can only take you so far, and everyone has different demeanors. Yet there is something reassuring about them having a key thing in common with you, something you can’t change (completely or naturally) and that you’ll therefore share forever. Ideas implanted early on about how women and men differ as people add to this, giving you a sense that you’ll be better understood by someone who goes through the same as you, supposedly. And I’m sure you’ve all heard before “Men/Women are like that...”, this imposing a gender role of sorts in socialization and the place we give the relationships we acquire through it.
In spite of all this, I’ve been craving something along the lines of a girl’s night out. Not with new “girlfriends” (unless I were to just make some by chance), but by building bridges with those who I’m not so sure why our friendships stopped and I actually really appreciated at one time. Maybe gender isn’t the issue, but the unresolved manner we sometimes leave things and comfort zones. But I digress... A girl’s night out would be nice, setting aside any cliché straight out of of Sex and the City.
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