Even if all I can do is twiddle my thumbs in my exhaustion, I will not go to sleep willingly. Suburban nights are so quiet, if there is one redeeming quality about suburbia, it is quiet.
I have grown to appreciate quiet. Silence allows for contemplation and meditation. If one's environment is quiet, it is much easier to quiet the mind. When the mind is quiet, the body is free of stress, and the mind is creative and free. I am most creative at night in the silence.
A free mind is a mind that wakes up peacefully. I rarely wake up peacefully. It is always a struggle, always a sinking feeling in my stomach. So i twiddle my thumbs and wait and wait until I finally must sleep. I read a lot at night, in my creative state. Sometimes I flip through the channels on television, but this particular night I layed in bed awake, in the silence, and tried not to fall asleep. The window was cracked to let in air, and I searched for the breeze in the stale room.
Staring up at the ceiling like that, the world outside melted away. There was no strife or suffering, just my own battle against the sleep and the dark quiet. Finally I slept, troubled dreams sometimes, and awoke disgruntled. I have already mentioned the importance of waking up well, quietly, and in solitude. This night was particularly vexing, although I remembered none of my dreams. They lingered on though, long after the alarm, my shower, and the school day. They lingered on the drive home, and while I read the paper. They clung to me like insects, injecting venom, venom that disrupts well being, that disrupts sleep and dreams.
Yet I sleep well sometimes, just not this particular night. And so the bad night stands out among the many mundane nights. The quiet nights where I lay reading, or watching, or listening, quietly and free.

I can't fall asleep
Sometimes I think it's insomnia, but I found I don't want to go to sleep. I'll be bored at two in the morning trying to find something to do without waking the parentals. Take, for example, the fact that I got 3 hours of sleep last night, and I'm currently on the computer at midnight searching for ways to alleviate my boredom. So I end up here.
» The-Muffin-Man on 2007-03-14 02:59:26

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