If you're reading this and the text is like all together without a decent amount of paragraphs, then go to this site. CLICK HERE. I imported my blog into Facebook's Notes application.

Well, earlier this year my grandmother passed away. She had colon cancer and it was from the smoking. We also recently found out that her cousin - I just refer to him as an uncle even though he's more of my mother's uncle - also has cancer from smoking. I didn't really want to talk about the smoking, though (I'm pretty sure I have a bunch of blogs written about it on my old account); The purpose of this entry was just to reflect upon my grandmother.

She was a strong woman. Even after having surgery, she began walking on the treadmill. She was still the same person my mother knew as a child. When my mother and her siblings would get ready for school, apparently my grandmother and grandfather would already be up playing cards to pass the time. I can't help but just remember waking up at 5 in the morning with the stench of toyo filling the kitchen and living room . . . the smell creeping into my room. She was adamant about waking up that early to cook us food and do the laundry because if she didn't, she figured, who would? It's kind of funny because sometimes the sound of her voice would be my replacement alarm. Sometimes she'd make calls to the Philippines to see how people were doing. My grandma's a really loud person, so many times it's hard to just miss her completely when she was talking. Anyway, whatever she did, she kept at it.

Now fast forward to today. It's been a few months since her passing, and I'm still getting teary-eyed. Why? I don't really know. I still miss her. I've once read that it's normal to mourn for a loved one that entire year. For some reason I don't know, but it's just weird for me. I guess for some reason I'd like to think that she's actually back in the Philippines and will come back to visit in a year or two. In actuality that won't happen.

I feel like my time away from home was spent on running. Yes, even though I was a lazy mofo who needed to hit the gym, I was still running - running from life. Who really wants to mature? Who wants to grow up and move on? You make these friendships, you build upon them. You share common interests and experiences. Then, one day, everything changes. Someone has to leave. You go on. These people you once saw everyday are nothing but memories and pieces of text on a laptop screen. Yeah... depressing. But the thing is that it's life. Cliche. Yes. Everything's pretty much cliche. My problem is that I like memories. I like a lot of the good memories so I drag them out. I don't know what I'm saying anymore, but I guess I just liked to live in the past where I could live as a kid. I really had no concerns other than playing video games and doing whatever. Pretty juvenile...

Ever since I decided to start working, though, I kind of have this appreciation. I know I don't want to keep busting my ass for a measly ten dollars an hour, but this will just be a slight detour. Everyone makes detours. I made a huge one the other day going back home from work. I was going down Hawkins, but the police kinda blocked the street, so I made a left into some unknown street. I made twists and turns, but on my first try I was lucky enough to make it on Boyle. How? I think it was the hax. I digress.

The thing's that time progresses and you gotta change whether it be your plans for your future or some habit... No one's going to live forever. So before the time comes and they pass, I just want to show them I do appreciate everything they've done. As spoiled as I am, I owe a lot, and I'll accept that. I'll act on it. I'll go to church. I can't say I agree with many of it, but if it makes you happy, then at least I'll know you were happy about this aspect of me. And I'll still go even though the hymns have the effect to hit me hard.

It's basically been on my mind for the longest time.





So everything's been good. I might not wear the expression on my face, but I'm happy for the most part. So, thank you, everyone.

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