Friday. 3.14.08 12:00 pm
ughhh ok, soooo i'm defintiely superly stressing out. my life is KINDA, crumbling down. well to start it off, my car is starting to slowly die... well, it's not even my car, it's my parents car. and well, they want to go and mix both our Geo Metro's together and make it into a nice car, but face it... either way it's gonna look like crap, PLUS my parents are friggin idiots and won't let us drive the yellow car if they fix ours, i just say we sell our ugly ones to that one guy that works at te popcorn place because he wants it, like... badly. and he's willing to buy them. so theres that. but with that, i wanna BUY a new car.... YES, buy one. But the thing is, is that my job is NOT giving me enough money to be able too. like i work 7 bucks an hour at an optical center that can ONLY give me 24 hours a week because i'm only part time. LAAAAAAAME. I would definitely be fine with working 7 bucks an hour WITH MORE HOURSSSSS. Or work 24 hours a week with like.... I don't know... 9 bucks an hour? Just to keep the ball rollin' you know? i need to make more money, maybe i can get a second job somewhere because i really need it...
and on top of that i have to pay 314 bucks by the 21st of this month to pay off the rest of my tuition so i can keep going to school... yeah... bummer, i definitely ONLY HAVE 248 bucks on my credit card... so somehow i need to get 66 bucks onto my credit card so i can pay that off, and when i do thatttt, i need to pay off the rest of my credit card... which will be about 500 bucks.... yeah i know... i'm in a real financial bind you know? but i'll make it work somehow.
me and my friends wanna move out in May... i need to get out of this place. i need a better job. i need to live closer to town. i need to buy a car. UGHHHHH why does everything i need involve money? this is a desperate time, a hard time for me and it just seem like it's gonna get harder for me unless i get some sort of help.... money-wise. whether it be another job, or here or tricking on the streets (which i will hopefully NEVER have to do) or something... i need to find a way to get cash, FAST.
well, thats it from me for now.... ttfn.
moving to texassss. =]
Saturday. 8.30.08 6:30 pm
Hey guys. So definitely, im moving to Fort Worth, Texas... my hometown, my birthplace, my roots. Im really excited to go, but im really scared too.
It all started a couple days ago when me and my mom got into this huge fight after she found out that I lost my ID card again. She cussed me out, telling me that I am irresponsible and I never help out around the house, that my job sucks, and other bullshit. she yelled at me about finding another job, and I told her that I've been looking and she had the nerve! To tell me the most hateful words someone could say to me, and it was like a big ol jab in the heart... did those words come from my mother? Did they really? .... fuckk, they did. And it just hurts that they did... a lot, and I think about it and it makes my stomach churn... ughh... then she told me that I should go move to Texas to my auntie Maribel in Houston and that she'd help me... and that I make it seem like I hate her and don't respect her because I don't listen to what she says and that I give her like a devilish look. But I don't hate her, like at all, if fact, I love my mom with all my heart, she gave me life, she provided for me, she could've left me with my dad back in Guam but she put a roof over my head, and I could never thank her enough.
But in my defense, I know I give a mean mug, but that's just me, and I listen loud and clear, but I just don't wanna listen to some bullshit if its all just gonna be about how I can't survive unless I have my parents or unless I join the military... just because my dad and my step dad were in it, like what makes you think id want to join it? Yeah, its gonna be a lot of money and they'll pay for my school and ill have a job and blah blah blah, but what I really want to be is happy, and will joining the military make me happy? I don't know, and I don't really wanna find out, its just not for me and I know it isn't.
And so I considered going to Texas, but not to Houston, right after me and my mom got into that huge fight. I called my cousin over there and talked to them about it and they loved the idea, they said they would help me find a job, introduce me to new people, help me redirect my life.
I thought about it a lot, and I found out that... my mom is right. I live in a kinda small town, where im familiar with everything and everyone, with a jank ass job, and there's not very many places tofind a job here either. School is a pain, and will always be a pain, I know a lot of the people, and it just... lemme see, ok... lemme put it this way... I feel like, im so familiar with this place that I just don't care about things, and I know ways to get by, and im not progressing in life. I feel like a slacker, and its not a good feeling. =[. And I feel like if I get pushed into a situation where I need to do stuff on my own, ill stuggle, but ill do it, and ill get by.
And you know, it might not work out over at Texas, and I talked to my parents about it, and they said that I could come back. We actually took the time to talk it through. And im glad I did. I really wanna make it on my own, and I think Texas will help me through it... I really hope so. I really hope I find solace, and myself and love in Texas.
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