i hope you find someone new, because i'm not the one for you
Saturday. 10.25.08 6:22 pm
I can feel the hot Arizona air, turning to a cold winter breeze.... And I FUCKING HATE IT!!!
Anyways, times are harder than ever for this last month and a half that Iím here. Saving up money is DEFINITELY proving to be harder than ever. Staying out of a relationship is proving to be easier than I thought. And moving away from my friends is gonna be the hardest thing im gonna be going through.
Anyways, as most of you people know, I cut my hair. Its like... the shortest its EVER been... ever. Its so crazy and I also forget that I cut it until I like run my hand over my head, or look in the mirror... its achange, but its a good one. And I felt like I needed it. Lol. Plus, my hair will grow evenly all over, lol. Its so crazy! I just cut my hair like... a week or 2 ago, and its already starting to grow back. Haha. Wow. And im excited for my black hair. Im sick of dying it, lol.
Im starting to get a more healthier... lifestyle. Well trying to at least. I can start to look as good as I want. Im starting to eat more and stop looking so damn skinny. Eating 3 times a day, trying to pick more healthier substitutes for food, lol. Hopefully that'll work for me, but is a really hard process, especially when your trying to save money. Being healthy can definitely get expensive. So that by the time I move, ill be sexy as ever. Or at least by January =D. But I really wanna look amazing for Halloween for my Aladdin costume. Lol. Jank huh? But I totally finished it and it looks amazing. I cant wait to wear it next Saturday for the Halloween party. W00t w00t.
Friendships are harder to maintain nowadays. I haven't made up with Tiffany. And in a way, I miss her, but in another way, its probably better. I really don't think we can repair our friendship like it was before. Not now anyways. I just feel like I can see her in the same light anymore. Whatever. Some people are starting to piss me off more now. Its like, Iím so done with your immaturity, your lies, your trash talking, your unreliability, YOU. It just sucks. But I guess its a good thing Iím moving, to get away from that. But no one can replace the few AMAZING friends that I have: Rochelle, Cheri, Jennifer, Alyse, Mathew, Chris, Chris, and Sierra. Those are down ass people. And I love them all. But really, friendship is such a hard thing to come by nowadays.
Relationships are harder. Especially with the trust issues I have. Or should I say, too much trust and trusting too early. I realized that I have a trust problem. Its not really a problem with trusting people, its more a problem of I trust them too much. Then I FREAK out on what should I care about, should I care about this, or that, or am I getting myself into something I shouldn't, or blah blah blah, and it just... frustrates me! You know? Its not something I can just look over but its the way I think. And I guess I just need to tone it down a little bit. =/.
Idk, but that way I feel... I guess. I honestly hate it. I really do, and Iíd much rather be alone in life than have my trust issues. But I do so I have to live with it. I mean I cant help the way I feel, you know. If you donít like it, well, you donít have to. Iím not gonna change my whole being for someone whom I THINK I might have a chance with because you never know whats gonna happen in the future. All you can do really is hope. Itís a very fickle thing, I think. And I really like having a companion, a partner in crime, a clyde to my bonnie, a peanut butter to my jelly, and banana to my nut loaf and so on. I really donít like it when people are being shady to me. And it makes it harder if your in a different state because you really donít know whats going on. You can really start to like someone but not really know who the real person is until youíve met them. And it really sucks not knowing who they are because they can be as fake as a press ons. Or hair extensions, unless your like Cheri whose extensions are FABUOUS and amazing. =]. But really I need to stop talking to boys altogether and focus on moving and getting a job. Because a boy cant get me either. I think that I wanna be single for a while when I get there. I mean, I wont know anyone, so its not like id be talking to guys all the time. Idk. Who knows, I might find love there. But in my heart, I know I wanna be alone for a while. But thatís just me saying it, I donít know if Iíll be able to keep my word about it but I really hope I do. Thatíd be most beneficial.
Iím definitely trying to save up some money. And its not going so well. But on Friday, ill have had some things paid off and so I won't have to spend as much on things. Or not spend any money at all. I've
been bringing lunches to work, so that I don't spend money at this damn food court. Saving money AND less empty calories, big plus. =D. Jennifer has been in England for 2 weeks and I've been taking up her hrs and good golly its a lot. I worked 48 hrs last week. =/. Hopefully ill have a big pay off this Friday and ill feel more relieved about my money situation... BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I CAN SPEND IT ON UNNECESSARY THINGS! And that's what I need to keep telling myself. And definitely my boss has quit his job just a couple days ago and so im hoping to get a lot of hours these last 3 weeks. I would really like to save up at LEAST $1,000 - $2,000 for my move. Hopefully that'll be enough, you know?
I also really hate it when people talk politics with me, like, I know my shit, I know the candidates and what they do and the pros and cons about both, I don't need you to educate me about things. I have my own mind. I hate it when my friends go and start saying shit on McCain and Palin. Shit, I like them, YOU don't have to. I don't need to hear about their bullshit, I already know. You think that just because I support them means I look at all the good things and then I don't look at their bad assets? No. Iím not stupid. I do know their faults, and I know Obama's faults and forte's too. I definitely don't need education on that, so
SHUT THE FUCK UP. I like who I like and you can't change that. You can't please everyone!
On that note, donít comment me about politics. I have my opinions, you have yours, Iím not trying to piss anyone off. Iíve already lost a lot of friends because of it.
XOXO Gossip Girl.
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