For the past two days... the class mummy has been hugging me when I see her. I don't know if I'm paranoid or something but it's not the normal hug.. it's the "everything will be alright" hug. Which feels kinda weird because... I'm not going through anything out of the ordinary right now. I love hugs and everything but right now my judgement on things that require intuition and feelings are off.. and it feels weird.

Should I ask her? Should I not ask her? Just in case this has something to do with what I told a few friends on Saturday... I don't quite want to explain cause I don't quite know myself my position in the issue. Like I said, I'm not going through anything that is out of the ordinary so I don't know how to explain myself to her, if it is about that.

Sometimes I wonder why we can't just kill of that tiny fire of hope when we know that 99.9% that thing won't happen until we get 100% sure. Should've borrowed the AK47

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of mine, she prides herself to be different from my mother high school friends but in reality, she is pretty much the same. Allow me to tell you what happened...

She loves to say that she only have 4 friends right now.. which is pathetic for a 21 year old but it's okay because everyone else are such hypocrites. The truth is, she doesn't give anyone but herself the benefit of the doubt. She takes things even more seriously than I do and is offended by every small detail that others does. It's as if she is the only person who is right in this world. That I don't mind because I know quite a number of people of that sort.

She says that the other high school friends are people who takes advantage of other people. That is party true but she is also like that. Yesterday, she called me asking if I wanted to hang. I agreed cause I didn't quite want to stay at home anyway. And then she asked if she can park her car at my house and then I shall drive her around and drop her at the TV station near my house cause she has to take a bus there for her assignment and pick her up when she is done. She didn't tell me what time is her assignment but she told me that she'll come over at 11.30AM. Fine, I thought her assignment is at 3 or something so I agreed. After that at about 4AM she texted me to wake her up. So I called her at about 10AM.. guessing that it is about time for her to get ready and come to my house by 11.30... guess what? She texted me after I started calling:

Her: It's too early
Me: ...You didn't tell me what time
Her: Wake me up in an hour's time

I'm thinking "there is no way you can get ready and come to my house by 11.30AM. So fine.. I called her an hour later.. and it took her 3 hours to get to my place. Fine. Over lunch, I asked her what time does she need to go to the TV station by... and she told me 5PM... and then I drove to the nearest mall and walked into Daiso.

She: OMG.. there is so many things I wanted to buy!!!! Can you er.. lend me money first? I couldn't withdraw from the ATM earlier because I only have RM50 left in my account and it's a debit card and all..
ME: .... okay..

You know why I agreed? Because she gets hurt if you don't agree to her requests of this sort. She feels like you are not her friend just because you can't lend her 10 bucks to buy her cats TOYS! I mean.. it's not important.. go somewhere near your house that has Daiso and buy your cat's toys when your salary comes out tomorrow! WTF! Just because I get my money from my parents doesn't mean that I have money all the time. And I'm only gonna get my money back IF I see her next weekend. What turf... You were making noise the last time another friend did that to you and now you're doing it to someone else. Hypocrite!

Oh btw, she needs to be at the TV station by 5PM and she doesn't want to drive here because "the place is dodgy" but the truth is that it isn't.... it is safe because it is a bloody TV station and there is a 5 star hotel beside it. You think their security would be that bad? And I need to pick her up later tonight latest by 1AM. "So don't sleep yet okay? HAHA! I'll call you before I reach". Fuck you man. Who the fuck do you think you are? You are NOT EVER MY BEST FRIEND AND EVEN MY BEST FRIENDS DON'T DO THIS TO ME. Stupid bitch.

I'm not going to agree to this ever again. I don't mind losing another friend like you because the truth is, you are probably worst than the rest cause you pretend to be something that you are not and you preach freaking well about it. Practice what you preach.

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I pretty much don't like this time of the year cause I never fail to get depressed and none of the chocolates I eat actually help much because nothing but time fixes your heart... or so they say.

Losing someone who've worshiped for all your life, despite that he lived long and happy is hard because it's just hard. Every time I hear that song from Rascal Flatts, I think him and I know that despite how angry I am with him the months before he passed, he still loved me very much and I am still very much my grandfather's pet.

Pretty much why I'm doing this here is because I have unwanted people reading my other blog and.. Well, after all those traditional chinese old fuckers with a mindset that is stuck in the 50s are done contemplating if I have dissed them in my oh so old posts, I am going to close it so this is going to be my main blog. Seriously... those people should fucking get a life.

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I don't know why. There was no need for the niceness. It was just an update for me to vent my frustrations of not being able to get things done and not to indirectly ask for help. Couldn't that be ignored? I wasn't expecting anything much other than a "it isn't that hard comment" or a laugh.

I rather there being something not nice.

... and trying to be vague has killed the point of this entry.

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I feel guilty when he falls asleep on the couch with a worried look on his face. Why? Because it technically is my fault that he has that look. If I didn't move in they won't take advantage of the situation and thus he won't be having the problems he is having now.

The main reasons why I never quite like men, the main reasons why I don't have a boyfriend and the main reasons why I never liked your brothers is because they bring nothing but pain to others, to other good people, good men. Also, the main reasons why I try so fucking hard to not be a typical women is also because of that. I'm not going to bow down to others just because they are superior, they think they should be worshipped and just cause.

Most men are just brainless, useless and gutless. Most women are submissive, gutless and complainers.

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Why in my right mind would I add someone on FB when half of her friends are people I wish I am NOT RELATED to? Seriously... stop sending friend requests. If changing names in this country is not so damn freaking complicated, I would've taken my mother's maiden name A LONG TIME AGO. Hah! Stupid...

Why would I add people on my FB when I know you people think that you're almighty and no one should ever hate the things that you love?

Why would I add people on my FB who will restrict my freedom of speech?

Why would I add people on FB that will constantly remind me of the things and I so despise in my entire life?

You think I'm stupid???

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