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Monday. 7.6.09 10:32 pm


I wanted breakfast. And totally planned to drink milk with it.

But then there was still coffee when I went downstairs, which was a mistake by my parents.

I watered the plants, checked the mail twice, walked the dogs, put away the dishes, loaded the dishwasher again, exercised for a couple hours, then went to a toning class with my mother.

It doesn't sound like much but it added up FAST to constant activity!

It was beautiful.

I feel intense. Would you like to see my muscles?

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the fool
Wednesday. 7.1.09 1:46 pm

I take a sip of my coffee, afterward staring at the remaining liquid. It reminds me of my eye color, but I only think of that after the fact.

And then I ask it and give you a hard time, and I know that if I look up, that will be the end of the conversation because I won't be able to give it my all. Not with the way you look at me.

And it's true. I accidentally look up, right into those twin pits of doom and despair.

...He's looking back.


His right eye tells me, "If you keep going, my owner's going to give in because he'll feel bad. You know he's only trying to do right by you. Give. Cave. You won't regret it."

And even now I'm saying, YESIWILL. My entire EXISTENCE is saying, YES. YES, I'LL REGRET IT.

And I do.

And I don't want to live my life regretting things. I do whatever I can to take chances and live to my best ability. Even if it means getting hurt sometimes.

Crap. Crappity crap craptasticness crap.

Maybe I'M the fool.

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like cockroaches.
Monday. 6.22.09 12:21 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Monday. 6.15.09 6:51 pm

You know what really grinds my nerves?

When I announce that I'm going to change something, and someone tries to talk me out of it.

I mean, if you have a legitimate reason why, then yeah! Please, do let me know before I do it. But otherwise...this is why I leave people out of knowing things. Because obviously, some people cannot handle the fact that I have a mind of my own, and that I will use it over their half-baked opinions.

And it's the same person, too. I guess this is just proving to me, over and over again, who my actual friends are (because you know what? I have a lot). She's constantly ending our conversations with "love u," and everytime in between the start and the finish of those conversations, she finds something to nitpick me for.

This time, it's my hair. After cutting it, I dyed it red. Now, I'm starting to think that I would rather go blonde, because I tan HEAVILY in the summer, and red hair does not go with tan skin. It just doesn't. In 99.99999% of cases.

Last night, I put on facebook that I have blue hair dye. Someone I like spending time with says that he's done it before, which was cute, and very accepting. Thumbs up, person I like spending time with.

But then she comes online today, and asks about the hair dye.

I tell her that blue is my last resort--that I'm more so looking to go blonde, and that blue is really just if the blonde looks bad. Instantly, she starts trying to convince me that my red hair is awesome, and that I shouldn't change it.

My mind is made up. I don't like it when people try to tell me what I should do unless I ask, and I especially don't like it when they push it!


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