For fucks sake, how pathetic is that?

**Total Randomness** My best friend for over a decade now just texted (or text'd or textd or wtf it is) and totally made me laugh. She must have the ESP.

But seriously, sometimes I just feel so alone. I've come to learn that most of my friends had no interest in who I was but just the way I lived my life before my son. And I KNOW that's what it is, some of my friends said it was hard to come see me because I live in winchester (which is like 20 or minutes away from most of my friends) but when I was having parties every saturday night they were here at least 90% of the time and randomly through the week too. AND most of them had jobs that took of more of their time and were in school when they no longer are. But yeah, it's me living far away.

Lol, I was looking for the eye rolling face but that summed up how I feel better.

Anyhow back to my original rant.. I have been dealing with a lot of stress lately. I have had this INSANE drama with the stupid pyschotic bitch lady on ebay and have been out a decent chunk of money for like 2 weeks because of it so I've been having to juggle all the bills differently and try to make odds and ends go here and there and it's been just ugh. Not to mention that ebay gave her my phone number and she called me. I've also been trying to plan a birthday party and preparing for my mom's visit and having major anxiety over my son turning 1. AND I'm trying to get money arranged for our vacation which is now less than 2 months away. Top that off with I'm always home with a baby, no money to do anything with and no friends to hang out with or even talk too. I literally feel like my head may implode.

I do have a couple of awesome friends but one of them lives 30 minutes away and works all the time, the other one lives an hour away and works and has her own husband and child to find time for and the one who text'd me earlier lives in seattle. She is however coming to see me for my birthday in June, whoo hoo! All my family lives in MS (500 or more miles away) and I don't really fit in with my husands family.

Anyhow, I'm over feeling sorry for myself for now lol. I've got a wonderful home, husband and child and over all my life is a lot better then a lot of peoples. I think I just need a hobby or something. I'm really excited about my blackberry coming in, hopefully that'll happen soon. Another random fact about me, I thoroughly enjoy the hillshire farm meat commercials lol.

Damn thats a long blog (at least for me), but I feel a lot better now that I've vented a bit. I'm really bad about not showing emotion and holding things in and sometimes I forget how good it can be to say things out loud or to type them out loud lol.

PS
This is my new favorite picture of my son, isn't he adorable? That's a rehtorical question beccause obviously he is. =)

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Marc's Aunt offered to take Miles for me today so I could have a break and get a few things done. I'm sitting here in my house all by myself and can't think of the last time it was like this. It's weird but very welcome lol.

On another note, I've decided I hate getting older. I'll be 25 in less 2 months and 2 days and I think I'm going to have a pre-midlife crisis about it. I just feel so old. I know it's probably because I have led a very interesting albeit wild and insane life up until the past year or so but I just feel like I'm 50 not 24. Ugh. It could also be because it's less than 2 weeks until Miles is one though...probably a combination of the two. I have been so stressed lately too. I just miss the simpler times of less responsibility or even none. I also miss Mississippi alot. I LOVE kentucky, don't get me wrong, but what is living in a wonderful place without your family and friends to share it with. There are a lot of aspects of MS as a place I miss too though, it is just very reminisenct of times past. My husband says it's like stepping back in time a few decades except they have cell phones and flat screens lol. All of this seems to have been weighing on me pretty heavily though, on the way home "The End of Innocence" by Don Henley came on and it made me cry. Granted I have always held some emotional attachment to that song because it came out a year or so before I was adopted and it was pretty popular still and my mom and I used to sing it together a lot and you know how some songs just remind you of another time.. it's one of those for me. But it was also listening to the words and the beautiful music too. You can listen to the song and/or watch the video HERE if you feel so inclined.

And on that note I'm done.

Lyrics (I think the music is totally part of the beauty in this song but I'll post these just because lol)

Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by

When "happily ever after" fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly

But I know a place where we can go
That's still untouched by man
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind

You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

O' beautiful, for spacious skies
But now those skies are threatening
They're beating plowshares into swords
For this tired old man that we elected king

Armchair warriors often fail
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers clean up all details
Since daddy had to lie

But I know a place where we can go
And wash away this sin
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind

Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair spill all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

Who knows how long this will last
Now we've come so far, so fast
But, somewhere back there in the dust
That same small town in each of us
I need to remember this
So baby give me just one kiss
And let me take a long last look
Before we say good bye

Just lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

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Things I need to talk about but I don't feel like it. I can't believe I spelled there as their and the stupid shoutbox won't let me take it back so now now only do I look like a grammatical ass, I look like it right after someone made fun of people who make grammatical errors. Oh Poo.

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My photography site is up and running! Well more like power walking but I'm getting everything set up lol. http://lpimages.wordpress.com/ if you want to check it out.

On another note, the shoutbox needs a confirmation button or something, I hit it with half typed phrases and make myself look like a moron (all on accident of course) much to often.

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Thank god for sunshine, the farmers market and warm weather!

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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