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April 2021

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Developments
Saturday. 1.22.11 8:50 am
about to head into work for a VERY full Saturday.
The Stock Show and Rodeo is in town and they're across the street from where I work.
This means that when I come in and leave work i'm greeted by the mooing of brahmas, goats, pigs and the occasional Cowboy. Sometimes I love living in Texas.
Plus, this year my job is working with Stockshow so I get in for FREE! Everything but the Rodeo.

Life is....
well, it's still going. In a good way I suppose. School was simulatenously awesome and crappy at the same time. The semester didn't work out for me because of...issues...but it's in the process of being ironed out, which is something. Mom and dad are doing well, and I've actually been talking to my little brother alot more (my favorite improvement!)

Oh! I also have two jobs now. The one at the museum (which I talked about above) and I'm now a substitute teacher for my local District. I start on Monday. WIsh me LOTS of luck. I may need it.

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warning systems
Monday. 12.6.10 8:45 pm
You ever start to have a conversation and a little voice in the back of your head whispers "this isn't going well...stop while you can."?

You ever ignore that voice and continue on with the conversation because you think that somehow the voice is wrong and it can't be that bad?

Then the little voice becomes full blow sirens and flashing red lights with a creepy monotone womans voice that says "15 seconds till total annihilation"?

You ever then ignore THAT?

Well, somtimes....unintentionally....I do.

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More than these words
Friday. 12.3.10 1:55 am
I feel bad that now I only get on here to rant. There really is more to my life than bad stuff. I guess I just never feel the need to discuss the good. Maybe it's a case of misery loves company. Which always makes me think of Kathy Bates....which then spirals out of control and I end up feeling way creepy.

In any case...
Quit my job of 2 1/2 years. They wanted to terminate me over 20 dollars. But, my boss put in his two cents and thus I was demoted from Primary Supervisor to Dishwasher. It broke my heart and my pride. So, I busted my butt and found another job. I shall now be subsituting for my local ISD. Intresting? maybe. Terrifying? yes. A pay raise? only slightly. But, it's in the field I actually kind of want to go into so the experience is worth it's weight in gold. Wish me luck! I'll also still be keeping on a very part time job as a seller of tickets at the Museum. extra cash is extra cash so what can you do?

School is going well for the most part. I have one class that is really making me on edge though. The professor has been having personal problems and as a result I have NO grades. I have no clue as to what my standing is and it's very frustrating. I hope I do well. I feel pretty good about what i've turned in, but at this point there's no going back. American Fiction so far is about a C+ so woo hoo to that. And half of my grade is still ahead of me so as long as I kick booty on the final and my next essay, I should be fine. History is a little sketchy, but overall I expect to pass. God be with me over finals.

Personally, life is ok. I'm in a good relationship with someone who cares alot about me. We just celebrated our 6 months together and he took me to houston as a get-away vacation. :) We went museum hopping for the most part. Also, turns out that the aquarium in Dallas is much better than the one in Houston - but the Science museums are switched around. Don't even try the one in FW unless you've got someone under 10 with you. For the most part.

Christmas is looming heavy and dark, and while I am currently broke as broke can possibly be - i'm looking forward to it this year. We've even got our little tree up. ^_^ Plus, I'm going to get a whole 5 days off to spend with my familiy. It's awesome. I just hope that for the most part it's only immediate family. I love my grandma and all, but her familial naracissim, plain old racism, and her feelings about my father are things I could do without. Mom keeps making the excuse that it's "because she's old" and "what can you do?" but I still don't think that a majority of the things she says is right. Plus, anyone who hates Disney that much makes me nervous.

I hope all is well in Nutangland, I send you all positive vibrations!

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hurting.
Friday. 11.12.10 2:44 am
it seems i always go on here to either praise or denounce my life. Maybe that says something about me.

Well, I wasn't fired, which i suppose is a good thing.

I have been oh so demoted. From being a supervisor with 2+ years of service to washing dishes in the back of the cafe. I know I should be thankful I still have a job, and that there are people out there who would kill for a position like this. But, I don't think my pride can handle the shock. I think inwardly I'd fold up. It's a very negative place in the cafe. I don't like a single person down there, and not a single person is fond of me. Thankfully, I have my job with Guest Services still. I'll just pick up hours with them. Plus, I suppose this means that instead of having only 3 days to see my family, I could now go see them for as long as my heart wanted. But, this does put a huge dent in my plans to move out this winter. I can't afford a place on what the museum will pay me. All of it makes my heart a little sad.

School was going so well. I though I had it all under control. Then the ground started slipping from beneath me. Maybe it was too many classes. Maybe it was the fact that there was just so much reading. Or.....maybe I'm not meant for school. That last one burns me up inside, so i don't think it's true. I'm just tired. I'm tired of not having that stupid peice of paper, which at the end of the day doesn't even guaratee me anything. But, I could at least apply for better jobs I suppose. I love school. I love the enviornment. I love the smell of the library and the feel of the union. I love being on campus and I LOVE the classroom. I love discussing what we've read and I love seeing the hope in these kids eyes. I want to do better. Now I feel stupid for having been put under by this job that did this to me.

Maybe it's my prioritiees. People who have less resources than I are able to do more than me.

What's wrong with me?

Let's just hope I can fix this. *sigh*


maybe i'm just scared.

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