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November 2017

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warning systems
Monday. 12.6.10 8:45 pm
You ever start to have a conversation and a little voice in the back of your head whispers "this isn't going well...stop while you can."?

You ever ignore that voice and continue on with the conversation because you think that somehow the voice is wrong and it can't be that bad?

Then the little voice becomes full blow sirens and flashing red lights with a creepy monotone womans voice that says "15 seconds till total annihilation"?

You ever then ignore THAT?

Well, somtimes....unintentionally....I do.

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More than these words
Friday. 12.3.10 1:55 am
I feel bad that now I only get on here to rant. There really is more to my life than bad stuff. I guess I just never feel the need to discuss the good. Maybe it's a case of misery loves company. Which always makes me think of Kathy Bates....which then spirals out of control and I end up feeling way creepy.

In any case...
Quit my job of 2 1/2 years. They wanted to terminate me over 20 dollars. But, my boss put in his two cents and thus I was demoted from Primary Supervisor to Dishwasher. It broke my heart and my pride. So, I busted my butt and found another job. I shall now be subsituting for my local ISD. Intresting? maybe. Terrifying? yes. A pay raise? only slightly. But, it's in the field I actually kind of want to go into so the experience is worth it's weight in gold. Wish me luck! I'll also still be keeping on a very part time job as a seller of tickets at the Museum. extra cash is extra cash so what can you do?

School is going well for the most part. I have one class that is really making me on edge though. The professor has been having personal problems and as a result I have NO grades. I have no clue as to what my standing is and it's very frustrating. I hope I do well. I feel pretty good about what i've turned in, but at this point there's no going back. American Fiction so far is about a C+ so woo hoo to that. And half of my grade is still ahead of me so as long as I kick booty on the final and my next essay, I should be fine. History is a little sketchy, but overall I expect to pass. God be with me over finals.

Personally, life is ok. I'm in a good relationship with someone who cares alot about me. We just celebrated our 6 months together and he took me to houston as a get-away vacation. :) We went museum hopping for the most part. Also, turns out that the aquarium in Dallas is much better than the one in Houston - but the Science museums are switched around. Don't even try the one in FW unless you've got someone under 10 with you. For the most part.

Christmas is looming heavy and dark, and while I am currently broke as broke can possibly be - i'm looking forward to it this year. We've even got our little tree up. ^_^ Plus, I'm going to get a whole 5 days off to spend with my familiy. It's awesome. I just hope that for the most part it's only immediate family. I love my grandma and all, but her familial naracissim, plain old racism, and her feelings about my father are things I could do without. Mom keeps making the excuse that it's "because she's old" and "what can you do?" but I still don't think that a majority of the things she says is right. Plus, anyone who hates Disney that much makes me nervous.

I hope all is well in Nutangland, I send you all positive vibrations!

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hurting.
Friday. 11.12.10 2:44 am
it seems i always go on here to either praise or denounce my life. Maybe that says something about me.

Well, I wasn't fired, which i suppose is a good thing.

I have been oh so demoted. From being a supervisor with 2+ years of service to washing dishes in the back of the cafe. I know I should be thankful I still have a job, and that there are people out there who would kill for a position like this. But, I don't think my pride can handle the shock. I think inwardly I'd fold up. It's a very negative place in the cafe. I don't like a single person down there, and not a single person is fond of me. Thankfully, I have my job with Guest Services still. I'll just pick up hours with them. Plus, I suppose this means that instead of having only 3 days to see my family, I could now go see them for as long as my heart wanted. But, this does put a huge dent in my plans to move out this winter. I can't afford a place on what the museum will pay me. All of it makes my heart a little sad.

School was going so well. I though I had it all under control. Then the ground started slipping from beneath me. Maybe it was too many classes. Maybe it was the fact that there was just so much reading. Or.....maybe I'm not meant for school. That last one burns me up inside, so i don't think it's true. I'm just tired. I'm tired of not having that stupid peice of paper, which at the end of the day doesn't even guaratee me anything. But, I could at least apply for better jobs I suppose. I love school. I love the enviornment. I love the smell of the library and the feel of the union. I love being on campus and I LOVE the classroom. I love discussing what we've read and I love seeing the hope in these kids eyes. I want to do better. Now I feel stupid for having been put under by this job that did this to me.

Maybe it's my prioritiees. People who have less resources than I are able to do more than me.

What's wrong with me?

Let's just hope I can fix this. *sigh*


maybe i'm just scared.

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Now and when?
Friday. 11.5.10 1:30 am
"My parents had a very good relationship," I often hear my clients say.

"What do you mean by good?" I ask.

"They didn’t fight. They spent a lot of time with each other."

That may have been the definition of a good relationship years ago, but now most people want more. Following are ten signs of a healthy relationship.

KINDNESS

Is kindness more important to each of you than having your way, being in control, or being right? Do you each receive joy out of being kind to each other? Being kind rather than controlling with each other is essential for a healthy relationship.

SPONTANEOUS WARMTH AND AFFECTION

Do you and your partner well up with warmth and fullness of heart for each other and express it with affection? Are you each able to see the beautiful essence within each other, rather than just the faults? Are you able to get beyond the outer to the unique inner Self of each other? Do you enjoy sharing affection? Warmth and affection are vital for a healthy relationship.

LAUGHTER AND FUN

Can the two of you laugh and play together? Do you appreciate and enjoy each other’s sense of humor? In the midst of difficulties, can you help each other to lighten up with humor? Can you let down and be playful with each other, letting yourselves be like kids together? Laughter and fun play a huge role in a healthy relationship.

ENJOYING TIME TOGETHER AND TIME APART

Are you both each other’s favorite person to spend time with? Are you motivated to set aside time just to be together?

Do both of you have friends and interests that you enjoy doing? Are both of you fine when you are not together?

Some couples spend a lot of time together because they really enjoy it, while others spend a lot of time together out of fear of being alone. It is important for a healthy relationship for each person to have friends and interests, so that they are not dependent on each other. Dependency is not healthy in a relationship, particularly emotional dependency.

A METHOD FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

All relationships have some conflict. It is not the conflict that is the issue, but how you deal with it. Do you have a method for resolving conflict, or do the issues just keep getting swept aside? If fighting is part of how you deal with conflict, do you fight fair, or are you hurtful when you fight?

LETTING GO OF ANGER

If one or both of you get angry, do you hang on to it, punishing your partner with it, or can you easily let it go? In healthy relationships, both partners are able to quickly move on, back into kindness and affection.

TRUST IN YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

Do you each trust that the love is solid, even in very difficult times between you? Do you each know that you can mess up, fail, disappoint the other, emotionally hurt the other – and the love will still be there? Do you each know that the love is about who you are, not what you do? This level of trust is essential for a healthy relationship.

LISTENING, UNDERSTANDING, ACCEPTING AND LEARNING

Do you each feel heard, understood and accepted? Can you share your secrets with your partner without fearing being judged? Are you each more interested in learning about yourselves and each other than you are in controlling each other? Is listening to each other with an open heart and a desire to understand more important than judging each other or defending yourselves?

SEXUALITY

Is your sexual relationship warm and caring? Can you be sexually spontaneous? Can you talk with each other about what brings pleasure to each of you?

FREEDOM TO BE YOURSELF

Do you each feel free to be all that you are? Do you each feel supported in pursuing what brings you joy? Does your partner feel joy for your joy?

While some people may naturally be open, kind, affectionate, accepting, and emotionally responsible for themselves, most people need to heal the fears and false beliefs they learned in their families. Healthy relationships evolve as each person evolves in his or her ability to be loving to themselves and each other.

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