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The weather
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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Feeling bummed
Wednesday. 9.11.13 9:50 pm
For some reason, I feel like something has changed. I woke up this morning with that feeling and it only got worse throughout the day. Specifically, I'm referring to my crush. I feel like I've already been rejected, despite the fact that I haven't even talked to him about anything yet. At first, I didn't think he was there, but even when I did see him, I didn't perk up like I normally do. He was standing next to me helping out with something and it just made me sad instead of excited. I hope this is just a passing thing and I go back to the way it was before. I'd rather be distracted and excited than sad and bummed out every time I see him.

Tomorrow is finally my Friday. It couldn't have come soon enough. This week has certainly been busy and tiring and now that I'm feeling really out of it, I'm ready to be done. I have no plans for my one day off. I may drive up to Target to get some new razor cartridges and deodorant, but that depends on how much money I feel like spending. I guess we'll see what happens.

It's entirely possible that this whole working two jobs thing is finally starting to catch up and take it's toll. Or I just haven't had the time to myself that's necessary and I'm starting to feel a bought of depression kick in. Or all this shit could just be in my head and I'm concerning myself over it for nothing. I'm still planning on inviting him to the party; I just have to figure out a good time to do it and catch him when he's alone. With the way I'm feeling tonight, I'm not expecting a good outcome, but this is one of those situations where I'll never know if I don't go for it.

It got super hot today. The high was somewhere in the low 90s. It was a good 10+ degrees more than Vegas. There's something wrong with that picture, for sure. It's still 81 out so sleep might not come very well tonight. Hopefully tomorrow won't require much so that I can just kind of hang around without concerning myself with needing to be fully alert. If I'm still feeling this way, which it might be amplified by a lack of sleep, then I'll most likely hide out away from people so I just don't have to deal with putting on my mask more than necessary.

Until then. . .

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So many steps!
Tuesday. 9.10.13 9:38 pm
On an average day, even between both jobs, I typically don't reach the 10,000 step default goal. I usually come close, somewhere between 8,000 and 9,000. Today, however, I blew straight past the default goal and somewhere in to a place where my feet are definitely telling me that I did a lot of moving around. We're talking exactly 13,436 steps, which equates to about 6.1 miles. I'm really hoping tomorrow isn't too bad. I don't want my feet to be complaining again tomorrow.

I finally got my Trader Joe's shopping done today. I really need to work on actually getting it done when I originally say because I feel like I keep repeating myself in the fact that 'if I didn't get it done today, I knew I would just keep putting it off.' Now I'm set until next payday Friday. Which, I will definitely have to get the shopping done then so that I'm not spending extra money that I didn't need to spend on food that I should have already had.

Alright, I'm gonna watch a couple YouTube videos before calling it a night. Two more work days. I'll make it through them, right?

Until tomorrow. . .

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Summer isn't over yet
Monday. 9.9.13 9:36 pm
It's supposed to be in the 80s all week, with it being near 90 on Wednesday. And here I was hoping that the super rainy, stormy weather we had last week was a sign that fall had come early. Apparently I got my hopes up too soon. Oh well. Fall will come, just not soon enough.

Today was the first day since I started working the other job that I really didn't want to go in. I had trouble sleeping last night and was tired all through my regular shift. I napped for an hour when I got home from work, before going to the other job, but it didn't seem to help. My crush wasn't there and I messed up on an order that I ended up having to scan twice. It was not the best of days. Hopefully tomorrow will amount to something better.

Until then. . .

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Apathy vs empathy
Sunday. 9.8.13 6:56 pm
I'm at the point, again, where figuring out the title is harder than figuring out the content. However, it can get a little easier once I start actually writing the entry for the day.

Work was uneventful, as every Sunday should be. We did have someone check in to UC who claimed to have had a psychotic break, but luckily he wasn't a harm to himself or others. He was just crazy. I'm fairly certain that, after some time, medical staff become apathetic to the conditions that come in, especially since we're just security staff and we feel that way toward most people who come in. There are a few circumstances where we feel empathetic toward the individual's issue, since we know exactly how they feel. Such as the guy with the migraine that came in today and didn't want to be bothered by listening to the rules of standing in line. I've gotten migraines that were pretty damn bad and I was probably more cranky than when I'm sleep deprived.

However, the tables get turned when it's someone in your own family that is experiencing issues that require medical attention. Funny how that works, huh?

I'll be working both jobs the next 4 days so the entries will be later in the evening. The content of each entry will probably be more interesting, or just as boring, when I work both jobs simply because the second job is still new enough that things are more interesting to talk about. My 3rd year with the regular job is coming up in a couple months and it's just become an involuntary action at this point. Sad, but I guess every job becomes that way after working at it for a while. You see the same things over and over and it becomes dull and boring. Even the busy days are mostly dull and boring.

Until tomorrow. . .

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246
Saturday. 9.7.13 9:38 pm
Uneventful as tonight was, it wasn't the best of nights. The manager was doing a lot of interviews so I didn't get to see him much and then he went home early so I didn't get to talk to him at all either. At least I worked with people who didn't bitch about their jobs, even if they didn't like them, so that helped keep the mood even enough. I only work my day job tomorrow then back to both through Thursday. Go figure, I haven't even started my regular week yet and I'm already tired.

This morning I didn't wake up on a very good note because there was a stupid bird chirping right outside my window and after about 15 minutes, I was ready to shoot the thing. It chirped right outside my window for at least an hour. I took a 3 hour nap between getting my laundry done and going to work because I had been up since 6am and didn't feel like being cranky from sleep deprivation. It worked, to some extent.

That's about it for tonight. Nothing really worthy of writing about happened today.

Until tomorrow. . .

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To be {scared} or not to be {scared}
Friday. 9.6.13 9:49 pm
My friend challenged me to actually speak my thoughts and tell my crush how I feel. I have one month to do so. If I don't say anything by the time I turn 27, I owe her lunch. If I do say something, she owes me birthday cupcakes. The only thing holding me back is the very real fact that it could affect our jobs. He can't lose his because it's what allows him to live the life he has. I can't lose mine until at least December because I deserve to be able to treat my family after not having seen them in the 3 years since I moved here.

My other friend suggested that I invite him to a party that she and her husband are planning for next month and I think that would be the perfect test to see how he reacts. If it's a good reaction, I can probably tread more dangerous waters and bring up how I feel. If he's uncomfortable with it, then I know that I'll have to back off and leave it alone. If I do get a bad reaction, I'll probably be pretty bummed out at the fact that there's no chance for anything to happen between us, but I guess it would be for a reason.

Honestly, I'm scared about just the party invite, let along telling him I want to get to know him better. I asked Rob if asking my manager to a party was overstepping boundaries and he said no. Considering he was a supervisor at one point, I think he would know, but I could be wrong. I'm really hoping he's right and that no boundaries are overstepped with that invite nor does any awkwardness come from it if there is a bad reaction.

Today was my first day off since two Fridays prior and overall it was a pretty darn good day. I slept in until around quarter after 7, but didn't get out of bed until around 8. I hung out and watched AGT on Hulu then went out to the cafe to get some grub. After that I came home and hung out for an hour or so before meeting up with a friend. We went to a place that had horrible service, but good beer. The food was okay; nothing terribly special about it. I don't think I'll interested in going back any time soon. There are plenty of places that you can get good beer along with good food and good service.

After that we went for a walk around a park then decided it was time to head home. I watched the two episodes of Master Chef and now I'm actually thinking about heading to bed soon since I've pretty much been up all day. I have laundry to do in the morning when I wake up and work at Sam's tomorrow evening. Then back to it Sunday. Joy. At least it's just that much closer to my trip. I just have to keep reminding myself that that's what all this work is for. It'll pay off in the end.

Alright, I hope tomorrow is as relaxed as it can get considering it's not really a full day off. I guess I'll find out.

Until then. . .

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