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"i feel ancient."
Sunday. 4.25.10 1:47 am

So, the birthday. It was Friday. Dix-huit (but not "at last," like people seem to say).

It started out really strangely. I'm not even sure what to SAY about how it started. I ended up talking to one person I haven't REALLY spoken to in a long time (my friend Manal), and then a mystery person...? It was weird; I instantly felt more serene, afterwards, as though talking to these two brought me back to a balance. And I feel strange in saying that talking to Manal felt more foreign. I guess I've always been one of those people more regulated to the unknown.

That was essentially the best part of my entire birthday, other than seeing Kierra and being able to have her sleep over. I regret to say that almost every other aspect of the day was downright stressful and painful to manage. Somehow, I just felt very tense around the people I choose to spend my time with.

Maybe sometimes I make bad decisions in that area of my life.

Or maybe my positive thinking has just flown out the window? Maybe I've let all the aspects of my past get to me, too much.


Or maybe it's just been a bad week.
Maybe, maybe.

In some areas, I'm still a kid. I sometimes forget to take responsibility for myself. I make a lot of stupid mistakes that I shouldn't. And even though adults do, too, it's the types of mistakes they wouldn't make that I do.

At the same time, they make quite a few that I wouldn't.

The rest of me feels like an adult, though. All the layers upon layers of things that I let hold me back? That seems like something that would define my mother's life, not mine. They say I look just like her, and that's fine. She's older than she looks by far, and I could only hope to look so young when I'm her age. But the moment I begin to hold her emotional weight, I stop being okay with the resemblance.

The world's just been turning under my feet for what feels like so long, and I still (probably) have decades to go. The rest of life shouldn't bog me down so much, though. I hear college is much better. And then real life comes along. "Real life."

Yeah? Who's actually living it. I worry about that with myself--whether I'll die standing or live on my knees (in the purest sense of the phrase, excuse you ;D), so to speak.

Anyway.

I slept all day, today. From 12:40am to 8:45am, then from 10:50am to 3:23pm, then from 4:30pm to 6:00pm, then from 7:30pm to 10:30pm, and now I must say, I'm about ready to sleep again at 2:12am.

Totally unproductive day? Dunno. It seems to me that sleep is a lot like gasoline. If you need to fill up the tank and have the time, just go to a gas station, already! It's better than running until your car is sputtering to a stop.

Just like that, if you need the sleep, get the sleep. Necessary measures.

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Rant.
Monday. 4.19.10 12:15 am

Today was the official Bother Katie Day. I woke up at eight because my mother was slamming doors upstairs by my room. I turned over and went back to sleep for two hours, again waking up because of her general stomp-around-the-house-ness. This time I figured I would just get up.

I stayed that way for two hours, then tried to take a nap. She continued to yell and bang dishes around until I found a quieter place. The nap ensued and continued for two hours.

Then she called my intercom. This intercom does not have a ring limit. It rang until I picked it up because she WILL NOT hang up until she gets an answer.

She wanted to go to the store. I woke up, dressed, braided my hair, and tagged along.

People drove like idiots the whole way there and back. Seriously, someone stopped in the middle of the road before getting into the turn lane. In the store, people kept stopping to have these awkward No You Go, NO YOU GO conversations, and I continuously had to say "Excuse me," just to get through aisles.

It was like a really bad dream. I have never experienced so many situations in one day in my entire life where I just wanted to part the seas of people like a neo Moses.

And there's my rant.

Oh, and I still have to hang my clothes from the dryer nooooooo!

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shrugging.
Sunday. 4.11.10 2:37 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Half full, if it has to be half.
Friday. 4.2.10 11:37 pm

I got all the way to second block, Thursday, before noticing what day it was. Of course it was a B-day, which means History, Psychology, and Chemistry. But it was also the last day before break after two straight weeks of mock exams. I was forgetful.

On seeing "4/1/2k10" on the board, I realized the significance. Not just April Fool's Day (which no one at my age celebrates).

SAT scores came in.

Holycrap. So I asked my teacher if I could use his computer; he didn't care. He's awesome. I logged on. I clicked the link.

I received a score high enough to merit a full ride to Columbia.

And then I did a dance.

...And then I told just about everyone I knew. Most people were happy for me. Some, I think, were kind of disappointed that I wasn't talking about the New York college.

Which is a good thing, since I didn't expect certain people to have feelings about that.

And that is what has happened. :]

Also, my mom finally asked someone to install a sprinkler system. It is so nice. Within two days, we've observed an aesthetic improvement in the lawn. But, that isn't the only thing. There's even better.

I'm calling it Sophie Versus the Sprinkler System (Sophie is my dog). So far it's Sophie: 0, Sprinkler System: 2. This evening, she walked directly into the sprinkler while it was running, face first. She looked confused for a moment and paused, allowing it to spray her relentlessly, before sheepishly escaping to the side.

I laughed so hard I literally cried. That hasn't happened since I was in ninth grade and Brutaly had The Bleacher Incident.

Oh, Sophie. She came in with a wet face and I dried her off with a towel, still laughing.

Life is like that.

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