So that's what it's like!
Sunday. 1.25.09 3:13 pm
Last night I learned and understood what it's like to be insane. I was talking to Katie at about 12:30, as usual, and I could not stay focused. It was terrible; every other thing we said would set off a "day dream" in my head. This is kind of the process I undergo under normal circumstances anyway, where I process what someone's saying and think of a response. But it usually doesn't get away from me, so to speak...and after I came out of it I could never remember how I'd planned on responding, or even what she'd said to begin with. It's as if laying in bed starts my brain to shutting down, even without my consent. I guess that's a good thing, since that's what I've taught it to do (I used to have real trouble settling down and going to sleep). But it was interesting to experience what it's like trying to fight it.
After I got off the phone, I was still in the mindset of trying to fight it, actually. I kept settling into scenes and ideas but shaking myself out of them because I thought I was still on the phone. It was weird. It's like part of my mind was suspicious of the other. Reality didn't mean much at that point, because I could hardly tell what was more real. Crazy stuff. I mean, I read about that kind of stuff all the time, but it's an entirely different thing to EXPERIENCE it.
I wonder why we doubt other people's experiences so much compared to our own. Say my friend tells me about his skydiving fun. He tells me how exciting it was, about the adrenaline rush, the wind in his face, the feeling of weightlessness...you hear about that kind of stuff all the time. But doing it yourself makes your understanding infinitely better. You didn't just hear about it or see it, you experienced it. And you'll know how your friend felt when you just cannot communicate the experience, how you're stuck with words or pictures, and it's simply not enough. People understand it in their head, but it isn't a part of them yet. Sometimes we don't even know we were missing out on that level of understanding until we suddenly understand with our entire being.
That's one of the things they tell us to be wary of in church. There are people who've gone to church their entire lives, and they think that makes them OK. And they don't realize that they're just window shopping, really. They never experience anything, and they never know any better. Or even worse, they experience God one time and they think that's it. They don't move anywhere with it. It's like if I got a cake, looked at it, and thought, "This cake looks pretty nice." But I never thought to eat a piece. Or, I eventually decide to eat a piece but don't think about the rest of the cake.
There's always more cake to be had; have it!
What a lovely tangent. I think I had a plan for this, but now I don't know what it was.
I should be reading my history book. Later!
He saves children, but not the british children.
Saturday. 1.24.09 8:45 am
12 stories high, made of radiation...
Haha. That video is terrible.
"He once held is opponent's wife's hand
in a jar of acid
at a party."
Stuff is weird, and I have a game in an hour.
Then we shall see what happens. Well, I will. You'll just read about it.
Sorry, that's "his opponent's wife's hand". Thank you, randomjunk.
I wouldn't have voted for him
Tuesday. 1.20.09 10:14 pm
But you know what? He got elected anyway. And I'm standing by my president. Congratulations, Mr. President.
Though the fact that we just spent 150 mil kind of seems like a slap in the face. YES, it's a totally historic day. I appreciate that. Jus' saying.
My English teacher gave back our World Lit rough drafts a few weeks ago. She made revisions and gave us until tomorrow to make them. I figured it would be a good idea to take it out of my folder and leave it in the computer room to stem procrastination. Not only did it really not work, but now I've lost the thing, and I cannot remember much about the changes I was supposed to make.
One hand, it's not such a big deal because the rough draft made a 25 (translates into a 96). So it's already pretty good. I'm just that awesome, I guess.
But on the other hand, this is serious business. I want to do the best I possibly can. I'm ranked 35 or so in my class. I want to make top 10% by my senior year. That's going to be hard. ESPECIALLY WITH CREATIVE WRITING.
what did you make on the rough draft?
ah, that is righ
dont worry about it
I want to, though.
I want to do the best I can, David.
I want to exceed myself.
I want to be the best there ever was.
stop trying to be like me
just re-read your paper
To catch them is my real test.
make a few tweaks
dum, dum DUM
To train them is my cause.
I WILL TRAVEL ACROSS THE LAND.
gotta catch 'em all!
I love the grammatically correct apostrophe.
If I make a B in creative writing, I will scream. I lost points on the exam because the story I put in, which was supposed to be fiction, had too many fact-looking-things in it. She wasn't grading the story (admittedly, this relieves me), just giving points for having it. But it's not Fiction-y enough or something. HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF SCI-FI? This is the story about the planet having a speed limit and the years getting shorter and stuff. WTF.
Anyway. I'm just running through my paper and trying to fix the mistakes I find. Wish me luck! My grade can't go down, can it?
Unlocking the Mind
Monday. 1.19.09 9:55 pm
Since nobody has submitted any art that really goes with the theme for the Magazine this year (Unlocking the Mind or something like that), Ms. H asked me to do something. And I have been.
I'm super pumped about it, but I basically have to keep it secret until Wednesday. I can't decide about whether a visual effect I did detracts or adds to the overall message, so I'm gonna get the staff to take a vote. This is the most important "job" I've ever done, and I'm really excited about it. Maybe even a bit too much.
I tracked down the track from that trailer for Watchmen (it's by The Smashing Pumpkins), so I'm drooling over that a little bit...
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