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I feel all scatter-brained.
Monday. 5.10.10 10:18 pm

Been trying to figure out what to say but there really isn't much.

This is week two of IB exams. I'm still not tired of it. Today we had a three and a half hour lunch break. I ate nachos (tsk on me), bought some tiny herb planters for my dorm, and generally had a good time with my friends even though it was cold and I had to wear Seth's giant hoodie just to keep me warm (he lent it to me because I forgot my jacket; it is sitting on the other side of the room staring at me as I type).

It's been abnormally cold out. Like in the sixties and seventies.

Where did South Carolina go? It is supposed to be sweltering out by now.

Otherwise, I feel like it's time for a new phone service,. Hopefully my mother doesn't get a new phone before then. We have a family plan and that will sign us into another 2-year contract.

Worst move EVER. We have had the same plan since I was in eighth grade. Now I'm about to graduate high school and I'm still tied to it!

Other than that...I don't know. Tomorrow might be good, it might be horrible and stressful.

Fifty-fifty chance. Not so bad.

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More rambling.
Tuesday. 5.4.10 11:20 pm

So, I was all cuddled up in bed when I realized that I have all these things I should be doing instead.

Sucky truths suck more when they just happen to rhyme.
Was laying in bed when, with a jerk, I realized I had more work.

What frustrates me is that there are all these essay questions, when applying for college, taking the SAT, applying for scholarships, etc., that ask about a personal belief or an opinion on a topic of our choice. I never know what to write, and I'm starting to think that that works the same way with blogging.

Thing is, in person, I bring up stuff like that whenever I think about it. I have formed opinions on a lot of huge topics, and yet, when it comes to writing them down, I can't think of one.

--Except for abortion, homosexual rights, stuff like that. But there is a time to take a risk, and college scholarships do not fall within that time. I'm not edgy enough to give away free money.

Can you blame me?

No, you can't.


I just took English A1 HL Paper 1. Not bad. I wrote about four pages--front and back--then couldn't think of anything more. Literally.

Poem went like this:

Some fish in a goldfish bowl.

He's all, Hey I like her. She's all, Hmmm, yes I like him too. He's like, IMMA TAKE HER TO THE OCEAN WHERE WE CAN DO GREAT STUFF. Her love for him dies. He drinks and mopes. Narrator reveals that she left because he couldn't give her a life "beyond the bowl."

So essentially they didn't have a limitless love. They were limited by that great barrier.

Hey, doesn't THAT make me reevaluate my relationships.


Anyway sleep now.

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Sunday. 5.2.10 4:20 pm

Prom was last night.

It was actually pretty fun! I'm glad I went, although I still have the strong belief that it was relatively a waste of my time.

(Fake nails are hard to type with, by the way.)

It's just cool to get out with friends and have a good time. Plus, I won a hat, so.

Not totally a waste.

Except, okay, here's what happened once I got home:

I chilled for a while, just sort of mellowing out before I went to bed. It was probably around four-thirty in the morning when I fell asleep, which is normal for prom night. Two hours later, I was awake again.



It was short-lived, though, so that was cool.

Otherwise, the night consisted of people grinding too closely, some girls "sneaking" drinks in the bathroom, and bad pop music at excruciatingly high volumes.

Ah, high school.

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"i feel ancient."
Sunday. 4.25.10 1:47 am

So, the birthday. It was Friday. Dix-huit (but not "at last," like people seem to say).

It started out really strangely. I'm not even sure what to SAY about how it started. I ended up talking to one person I haven't REALLY spoken to in a long time (my friend Manal), and then a mystery person...? It was weird; I instantly felt more serene, afterwards, as though talking to these two brought me back to a balance. And I feel strange in saying that talking to Manal felt more foreign. I guess I've always been one of those people more regulated to the unknown.

That was essentially the best part of my entire birthday, other than seeing Kierra and being able to have her sleep over. I regret to say that almost every other aspect of the day was downright stressful and painful to manage. Somehow, I just felt very tense around the people I choose to spend my time with.

Maybe sometimes I make bad decisions in that area of my life.

Or maybe my positive thinking has just flown out the window? Maybe I've let all the aspects of my past get to me, too much.

Or maybe it's just been a bad week.
Maybe, maybe.

In some areas, I'm still a kid. I sometimes forget to take responsibility for myself. I make a lot of stupid mistakes that I shouldn't. And even though adults do, too, it's the types of mistakes they wouldn't make that I do.

At the same time, they make quite a few that I wouldn't.

The rest of me feels like an adult, though. All the layers upon layers of things that I let hold me back? That seems like something that would define my mother's life, not mine. They say I look just like her, and that's fine. She's older than she looks by far, and I could only hope to look so young when I'm her age. But the moment I begin to hold her emotional weight, I stop being okay with the resemblance.

The world's just been turning under my feet for what feels like so long, and I still (probably) have decades to go. The rest of life shouldn't bog me down so much, though. I hear college is much better. And then real life comes along. "Real life."

Yeah? Who's actually living it. I worry about that with myself--whether I'll die standing or live on my knees (in the purest sense of the phrase, excuse you ;D), so to speak.


I slept all day, today. From 12:40am to 8:45am, then from 10:50am to 3:23pm, then from 4:30pm to 6:00pm, then from 7:30pm to 10:30pm, and now I must say, I'm about ready to sleep again at 2:12am.

Totally unproductive day? Dunno. It seems to me that sleep is a lot like gasoline. If you need to fill up the tank and have the time, just go to a gas station, already! It's better than running until your car is sputtering to a stop.

Just like that, if you need the sleep, get the sleep. Necessary measures.

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