According to psychologists, my title has just now put you in the mind of feeling strongly devoted to your own set of beliefs, whatever those beliefs might be. I think I learned this a while back in psychology, but was reminded of it by an art history movie that I watched today.

What this made me start to wonder about is why, in horror, and such, is death so popular. After all, I have always wondered why people like to be scared. Is this why? Imagine that this. We live in a world where we are bombarded by mixed messages. Oh, you shouldn't be fat, because that's obesity. Oh, you shouldn't be skinny because that would be aneorexia. You should be republican, democrat, male, female, black, white, all of these things constantly pulling you from one place to another, with no real consideration for whether or not you feel safe. It is right, they say, to question your own beliefs. It is right, they say, to be in a constant state of uncertainty. Now imagine death. Death is pretty certain. Psychologists say that death invokes a sense of ferocity and devotion to our own beliefs. Then, does viewing death make us feel certain?

Imagine that you are watching a movie with a guy you like. You pop in a scary movie because you want an excuse to get closer to him. That's the pretty run of the mill reason, right? However, when you are actually watching the movie and there is horror and blood and gore and you DO cling to them, then what does that say? Perhaps it says, "I believe in this relationship"?

On my second date... of my life, I went to see a horror movie. I didn't know it was a horror movie, I just let him pick it. When I realized this fact, I thought to myself, "Hey, I've heard things about scary movies... maybe this'll be fun!" Well, as I watched the movie, I put my hands right in the middle of my lap. I plastered my elbows against my sides and I wrung my hands against one another over and over. He reached over part of the way through for my hand. I held it. It did make me feel a little better. It was the last date I had with the guy. I have no idea what that means.

I haven't decided where this factoid (if at all more than a trival piece of nonsense) fits in my life. However, it is something to think about.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

but it's giving it back! JK.

Actually, real life has been polite enough to not get too much in the way and the rapid writing frenzy has done me a lot of good. For instance, I woke up on Monday morning and realized "Oh shoot! I stayed up late writing Nano last night and COMPLETELY forgot about writing this extra credit paper for today!" So, I get on my computer and I write the little two page thing snickity snap! It sounded great, too! I had been writing so much, that I was able to write it quickly enough that I could go over it three or four times before I actually had to get to class! Isn't that great!?!?!

Admittedly, though, the supernatural world set in my chaotic little college town has been coloring my real life experiences significantly. My notes are littered with other notes about characters and locations, all cataloging the scenes around me with distinct accuracy. Actually, while I was watching a movie in Art History, I took out a little bit of time to write a story about how everyone in my Art History class suddenly all got up and turned into zombies saying, all zoned out and crying "Brains! BRRRAINS!" I had to stop though. It was just a little too close to reality, their eyes phased out, their mouths open and hynotized all subject to the subconscious suggestions about "Art History through the ages" and "How art history explains art, persuasion, television and other lively artisic discoveries". If it had been, "How you could eat out your nieghbors brains and help conquer the world" the effect may have been a little more drastic.

So, I shall trudge on! I'm at 32,000 words now! I was checking up on Ocean Pacific, my last full length novel that I wrote. Right now I am 2,000 words short of surpassing it! GEEZ! That means, when I pass 4,000 words I will have written the longest single manuscript that I have EVER written in my entire life! No only that, but I will have written it in LESS TIME than I ever have in my ENTIRE LIFE! WOW! That's really amazing!

It's not to late to join Nano! Even if you don't write like I do: a story crazed maniac, November and the Nano community is the best resource out there to get you and your novel off of their posteriors and on to writing! You too can write 32,000 words in only 15 days (the number of days left in Nanowrimo!) And you know what?! Even if you aren't a 'winner'. Even if you don't write 50,00 words, you will still have the words you have written and THAT my friend, is a priceless donation to your literary career!

In all the writer's talks that I have been to this is the most widely given and reoccuring piece of advice: read, read, read, write, write, write. Most of all practice, practice, practice! Books don't write themselves, that's why we pay for them. So get out there! Join nano!

----
This unsolicited rant about the wonders of nanowrimo is brought to you by... me. But! If you are inspired by it, here's the site for the people who started it all"

www.nanowrimo.org

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

People always act like ancient peoples were all backward and unelightened because they have they crazy mythological stories and stuff. But what if they weren't? What if they realized that human perception was flawed and they decided "Heck, if we can't explain it anyway, we might as well make it interesting."

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

I don't think I ever got it before. I used to think, "All I want to do is be like a God, to be powerful, to be beautiful, to be admirable". Who knows, by time you read this, you might feel the same way. It is not a bad thing. I thought it was. I harbored it, this guilty desire that I was so ashamed of. All of the literature, all of my classes, the religious leaders they all told me that it was bad to want to be a God, that it couldn't be done and though I respected their judgment, I just couldn't let myself believe it. It was just depressing to think that I was this lowly wretched creature, to think that I was evil and sinful and no good could be made of me, I couldn't stand that. So I kept my head down and I said to myself, "You do not want to be like a God."

I realized that I wasn't very happy. I didn't know why, though I had a lot of ideas. Culture, religion, my own social awkwardness... all offered themselves as solutions to my problem. Since I had decided that I was going to figure out how to be happy, I knew I had to fix something. Fixing my culture was impossible, fixing my religion was blasphemy, fixing myself was an endless affair, so what was I supposed to do? So I started by just aiming to think positively. It is not as easy as it sounds to begin with, but it does get easier. I practiced and I practiced, but still I was falling short. I read books and I listened to tapes and I learned more about being positive and yet all around me, I saw my world disappointing me. My past seemed checkered with my own insensitivities, lost friends and enemies made, my culture and religion didn't make any motions to disagree. I was able to mollify my enemies when I wasn't trying to be happy. What a horrible contradiction! So I fought and I fought my new found happiness at the whim of nature.

Finally, it clicked. It was an "Ah-ha" moment, much like all the other things I've learned before like riding my bicycles or geometry. It just takes one thing finally explained correctly at the right time and then I've got it. I understand it and I can go back to it. The realization was this:

I am mortal.

Isn't that silly? But it's true. I am mortal. I lose friends. I make enemies. I try too hard. I try too little. I am buffeted by the wind of my own circumstance. I wish I was a God. I AM mortal!

And then... I smiled.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

I read "Kitchen" today. I went into a little bit of a panic about 6:30 because I suddenly realized that I had to read an entire book in an evening! Egad! Luckily, I had already gone into this moment of shock numerous of times throughout the weekend, assuring myself that I could read faster now and that it would be no trouble at all. So I set myself up in my comfy red chair, the kamakazie chair which my sister let me borrow, and I set about reading the book. It is now 8:00 and I am finished with it. Frankly, I am pretty proud of myself.

The book itself was very good. While one of the main characters is a woman who used to be a man, two of the characters die, and the whole romantic plot involves no cliche moments or traditionally favored plot elements, it was, in entirety, a wonderful book. I may put it on my list of "Books that I wouldn't mind reading again sometime thank you" and that is a very small list. Currently on it are:

The confessions of Lady Nijo
Soul Music and Going Postal, Terry Prachett
Shadow in Ombria, Patricia McKillip (The beginning is so beautiful!)
Derik's Bane (lol, rofl)
and
Kitchen

I liked integral trees, but I wouldn't read it again. It's kind of like mysteries, once you know what happened you're like "oh" and it's pretty much over. Ringworld, too. You get to the end and your like "WTF! Rocket fuel? Maybe something that resembles an ending?!"

Anyway... read it. You will like it. I am pretty sure about this. It is not one of those preachy 'literary' fictions either. It's just a good story and a cute story and I liked it story. If you don't like love stories, then you might not like it. It IS kind of a love story. Well, I better be off. I have to check my mail again XP.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

W007! I have reached 25,000 words! That puts me past the 23,000 words that I had written for Theo... o.O

I am so excited! Today, I am going to attempt these things:

Finish my light project: required
Finish Kitchen by Banana Yamamoto: required
Write 7,000 word in my nano: what I want to do

Oh! So torn! It will get done though. Everything is going according to my design... bwahahah.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!