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a blog I didn't pay attention to while writing it:
Thursday. 9.2.10 4:41 pm

I packed my bag up and walked out, casually taking my hair down from its French braid and shaking the strands free. Still thinking about the Chemistry lab and walking towards the bookstore for my Norton sampler, it occurred to me (...ding!):

I was smiling.


They say that college is this big thing that will change you forever...I can't attest to that. I did come into it stable, though, and I still feel stable. Funny. I've never felt like both of my feet are on the ground, before. The world just sort of evened out and there I was, standing on it with my cape billowing behind me.

In essence, it just clicked.


Also, I'm eating a cinnamon graham cracker and it's really good. That could be adding to my even nature. (THERE. I broke the serious tone.)

But I think it's mostly the whole, accepting myself as a person of ever-changing nature, relinquishing all ties but never forgetting the love that formed them, and cherishing all days while never wasting them, deal.


Anyway. I went and bought some safety goggles. They fog up (i.e. piss me the hell off when I'm trying to use a buret. CAN'T A WOMAN MEASURE OUT TWENTY mLs IN PEACE?). I'm displeased. First thing I'm doing is rigging them so they don't do that anymore (but so they still protect my eyes). I also had to wrangle up some work that I wasn't aware of, which I did. Generally, this was a productive day.


Tyler was talking to me about some stuff, before she all but passed out in her bed. She was laying there, her hair wrapped up in a purple scarf, and we were talking about me sleep talking* and things of that nature.

"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN TO CATCH A PREDATOR?" she asked me.

"No... Why are you talking to me with your bear?" I responded. She moved her teddy bear around a little more and I'm just as confused as ever.



*I sleep talk. Oh yes. OH YES. Apparently, after seeing The Last Exorcism, she came home and went to go to bed. She says that all of the sudden I went, "Huh?" and when she questioned me about it I started laughing. She says if I start crawling on the ceiling she's going to "shoot my ass." She said it while laughing, but we'll just say I'm never crawling on the ceiling when she's around. She's like me in the way that the rabid raccoon comes out of the cute little kitten if you ever cross it.

...I'm her thugette.

...I'll cut you.

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university.
Monday. 8.23.10 5:54 pm
DISCLAIMER: I started writing this on Monday. I'll let you know when you're caught-up.

I was so excited yesterday when they gave out drinks to the runners for the scavenger hunt and they were in DISPOSABLE CUPS! WHY? WHY, YOU ASK?

Because I didn't have any cups, and I have a pitcher full of water.

You'd think I would have noticed that before moving in.

OH NO NOT ME.

So I'd been drinking out of the sink. Hehehehe.

Anyway. THE FOOD HERE, YOU GUYS. THE FOOOOOOOD. Macaroni and cheese (Southern style!), fried chicken, Hawaiian chicken, burgers, mashed potatoes...oh my gosh. The banana nut muffins. THE DESSERTS!

Although I totally skipped breakfast and lunch today so I could sleep longer. This is because I was up until like two thirty or three with my roommate and a couple of other people. We baked a cake and watched Jerry Springer after hitting WalMart for TWO WHOLE HOURS. We had to park in front of our dorm room to unload it all.

NOW BACK TO THE PRESENT EVEN THOUGH IT'S BEEN A COUPLE DAYS.

I'm back to regular classes!

Hoorayeew!

I'm taking a bunch of stuff like Trig, Gen. Chem., and English Comp. Nothing special. I'm not terribly excited, either, that I knew how to do stuff that other people didn't. I get my fuel from a competitiveness in me. Without that, I don't know how I'll do. But hey, I'm working for a 3.8 or higher. I'm doing homework in my spare time and TRYING to get a job. Key word, obviously, being "trying." It's slim pickings in a college town this major.

A job would be a big help, though. I'm in a needy-me-money position.

Nothing else much to tell you. My roommate and I were pretty much a match made in Heaven, as far as roommates go. We're seriously having a ball. I can imagine myself living with other people, but not as happily. Especially since we have CAKE. Vanilla cake with strawberry icing melted in it with more icing on TOP. I'm serious, it is amazing.

But anyway. I think I'll start hitting the gym pretty regularly.. I'm feeling this food going to all the wrong places. x.X

And that's it!

I'll type later when I think of something worthy!

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basically a NOVEL.
Wednesday. 8.18.10 12:11 am

Dilated is a pretty spectacular guy. Let me tell you all the reasons why.

Just kidding.

That's not the way challenges work.

:3 Hehe.

I WILL, HOWEVER, tell you about the great time I had, yesterday.

It started with me asking Meagan what time she wanted to see Scott Pilgrim. Instead of giving me a time, she asked if I wanted to go to a party.

So I went to that.

Well, first, I chopped up one of my old elementary school shirts so it would actually fit my body size/shape. I cut slits all up the sides and tied them like what's popular, right now. It looked pretty hot. After adding a few hair ties to my wrist (because of the paint), I was out the door and in my friend Meagan's car.

When we got there...I was greeted by Sarah's brother's flapping package.

I wish I was kidding.

He'd stripped down to his boxers (with a piece of duct tape to close the slit) and was jumping enthusiastically.

Let me back up for a second:

*I've known him since I was nine or ten. I've seen him half-naked more times than I've probably seen my biological brother half-naked.

I'm used to it.*

People were already *sort of* painted by the time I showed, but we started in more enthusiastically after some time went by. The paint was gone within an hour, I'm sure. It was splattered all over the floor of the garage, all over EVERYONE, and we kept smashing into each other while raving, so there were huge smears of color corresponding to others all over us.

We also went to BiLo.

All of us.

Even the shirtless, shoeless guys (I borrowed Ethan's shoes even though his arch support is like ZERO and his shoe size far surpasses my own) came with. They, of course, decided to run. I didn't want to, so I had to run to catch up when they kept going. Sarah and I walked the final third of the trek, refusing to run.

Ethan did a lap or two around the whole store in just his boxers. No one stopped him. Craig actually came to the checkout with us (shirtless but not so pantsless). People mostly laughed at us, the paint-splattered and half-naked youths. For some reason, adults find it entirely precocious.

We received a few yells from cars (I think you call them cat calls), there and back, running along the sidewalks. We were safe, but not cautious. Those streets are like the backs of our hands. I ran across them even as a kid to get home from Sarah's. It's hard to explain how cool it looked.

When we got back, things kind of settled down. Which is hard to imagine. Events trickled into the front yard, where we watched the guys play on the top of Meagan's car and Ethan climb the light pole (WHICH MAKES ME NERVOUS, PS). Meagan and I changed clothes without anyone seeing (except each other), and there was an inflatable whale kiddie pool out front.

I ended up laying in the middle of the road with Ethan. Because he asked me to. He told me, "If a car comes, I'll save your life," so I trusted him, because I guess that's what I should do with people I've known for eight years of my life. He yanked me up off the ground twice. In between...we just kinda talked. I don't even know how some stuff came up. But it was really cool. I'd forgotten how nice it was to lay around and talk to him. We sort of used to, back when I was younger.

But not so much these days.

I miss talking to people and having it feel easy.

Anyway. Afterward, Meagan and I spent the night with Sarah (and technically Ethan, but only because he's her brother). We ate cookie things (which made my stomach churn (I'm used to fruits and granola; my stomach isn't geared towards mushy giant cookie things)), sat around and talked, watched a show or two, then parted ways for bed. Sarah went to her own bed, I took the floor, and Meagan took the couch right by my patch of floor.

Meagan and I ended up talking until a little after six in the morning. Then I totally passed out, only to wake up again just as Ethan's foot stepped beside my face, headed out.

I didn't let it keep me up.

In fact, I slept (and Meagan did, too) until around noon. We sat for a while, got dressed, whatever. They ate another cookie each...I didn't. I shudder to think of that rich taste.

Then I realized that, in all this, I had never told my mom that I wasn't home.

...It's probably best.

But still, I had to head home to give my dog her glaucoma drops. So, just as it started to rain, Sarah drove me home. My friend Ian called me, later, and asked how far to my campus and told me he and John were headed my way. I laughed and wished him luck, since my college doesn't move in for another couple days.

And now I'm going to the beach, tomorrow. :]

Technically today.

Either way. BEACH TRIP! :D

Then I guess my parents get a day, on Thursday, before I leave. For the most part. They don't need me ALL night.

Then I move in! I'm just sort of excited to start off a new chapter. Two weeks ago, I was absolutely devastated about some things. Now it's a welcome deal. I've come to peace.


And I'm having a LOT of fun.

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100 Facts about a Unicorn-Dinosaur Hybrid
Sunday. 8.15.10 1:15 am

As promised.


1. I'm so excited for the future even though I'm also scared that it won't be as wonderful as the past.

2. I hate this number.

3. People say I'm Summer from 500 Days of Summer.

4. I agree. She and I are a lot alike.

5. I've always wanted a bowler hat since reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being because Sabina felt so close to my own heart.

6. I stand in respect for the Pledge of Allegiance, but I don't participate.

7. I make semi-authentic Native American dreamcatchers in my spare time.

8. It makes me feel closer to that aspect of my ethnicity, which I really love, for some reason.

9. My eyes do, too. They're prominently Native American.

10. Otherwise, I'm mostly Irish.

11. I want to either live in Arizona, California, or New Mexico when I'm an adult. YES, I do like the heat.

12. With that said...I do NOT like snow. UNLESS! I'm seeing someone seriously. Then...it's kind of nice to brew up some cocoa and stroll around in the snow.

13. I only drink the cocoa I brew from scratch. I KNOW what I put in my own cocoa, and that's a rare power, these days.

14. I love similies for explaining things, and metaphors when I want to say something romantically.

15. I'm not a writer.

16. I'M REALLY NOT A WRITER. When people say I should write for the rest of my life I want to vomit on them.

17. I want to ride an elephant pretty much more than anything ever.

18. With hiking, it was love at first sight.

19. I hope I can hike even when I'm older, but I have hypermobility and am already starting to show signs of arthritis.

20. I have two dogs. They're awesome spectacular.

21. I had only one when I was born. His name was Teddy, and I'd been around him my entire life, up until around age 10 when we had to have him put down.

22. I don't have any living biological grandparents.

23. My neighbors, who have been around since I was around six years old, are like my third set of grandparents. When they go, I'm really out.

24. I don't cry easily. At ALL. And no one sees me cry because I'm excellent at hiding it when I do.

25. Mostly because I don't feel like many people can handle crying people. If I let someone around me when I'm crying, it's because I have faith that that person can handle it.

26. I love cooking, especially when I'm going through extreme moods.

27. Except when I'm angry. Then I like to use my punching bag till it bleeds.

28. My feet are REALLY ticklish.

29. When I say don't tickle them...I mean it. I sincerely hate being tickled on my feet.

30. I'm only writing this list because I can't ignore a challenge (aside from obviously extreme challenges).

31. When I'm an adult...I'm going to do everything I wanted to when I lived at home but couldn't (read: buy a cat and a bunny, go on regular trips, and have men over when no one else is home).

32. I still don't want to have sex before marriage, though. Not my thing.

33. I love the number 27 because it's 3^3.

34. I've dyed my hair so many times that I'd lost count by the time I hit tenth grade. I think it was because I felt restless in myself.

35. I say I don't have regrets, but that doesn't mean I don't sometimes wish things could have gone differently. I think we all wish we could accomplish the perfect situation, sometimes. Regardless of how well things turned out, anyway.

36. We've had a cockatiel in the household since I was around seven. ...I hate birds.

37. I like poetry slamming. Derrick Brown is my favorite slammer, so far.

38. I have a huge crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt. AND James Franco. I’M SORRY.

39. If I ever have the chance to go skydiving, I probably will. Even though I’m scared the parachute won’t deploy.

40. I wish I’d kept at horseback riding. Horses are such odd but noble animals.

41. When I was nine, I first had my foot stepped on—with the full weight. By a horse. I was pretty chill about it, even though my eyes were watering.

42. I like water over any juice, soda, or otherwise. It just tastes better, I think.

43. I have this Kurt Halsey art piece on my wall. It used to remind me of my boyfriend at the time, but now it reminds me of something else entirely.

44. I’m not often open with people entirely. So when I am, it’s entirely obvious.

45. I have freckles all across my nose and cheekbones when exposed to enough sun. You can barely see them.

46. When something bad with someone else happens…I need at least a week away from that person. No contact or anything. It helps me hit acceptance more quickly.

47. I used to have nightmares every single night I was asleep long enough to dream. This was for about two years. Now, I keep having good dreams, other than the occasional nightmare.

48. Most of the nightmares now involve zombies.

49. I didn’t have Microsoft Office on my computer until tonight (August 14th in the EARLY morning).

50. I once tried to tackle middaymoon and instead tackled the ground. Needless to say, he hasn’t let me live it down.

51. The last thing word I would EVER use to a describe myself is “girly.”

52. I had two boyfriends in high school (not at the same time).

53. With all the flirtation and dating, it feels like more. Like…a LOT more.

54. I like making holidays extravagant for people.

55. Case in point: For Valentine’s Day in tenth grade, I packed all my boyfriend’s favorite foods into a paper bag and had someone give it to him in first block. All his friends told him I was a cool girlfriend.

56. I love the sound a bamboo wind chime makes. It reminds me of the rainforest.

57. If I could live anywhere in perfect circumstances, I would live in a giant tree house in the rainforest. The tree house would actually be several small ones (one for each room) connected by wooden bridges.

58. I would also walk around naked all the time, if I could. Except when it’s cold out. That would suck.

59. I go through phases where I feel closer to one parent than another.

60. For a while, I wanted a job that forced me to travel. Now I realize I always want a home base and a choice in the matter.

61. I use lip gloss like other people breathe.

62. If I had to get a tattoo, it would have to do with a phoenix and a dragon. Cliché, but it actually means something, with me, the way I would do it.

63. I’m excited to go to college because there’s an indoor pool on campus.

64. I LOVE the food in China, especially hot pot. If you ask me whether I would eat in Italy for a week or eat in China for a week…I would say China.

65. If you see a bathing suit top peeking out from under my shirt, it means one of two things: 1) I’m going swimming, or 2) I couldn’t find a bra to wear under the shirt.

66. I don’t care about bras. I’m an A cup, so I’m perpetually perky.

67. The only thing I’m bringing to put in my mini fridge at college is a water pitcher with a filter.

68. I was pretty much raised on video games.

69. I went back and erased this fact because it mentioned my brother, and for some reason I can’t mention family on number sixty-nine. >.<

70. I have a dirty mind. People are shocked by this because I’m generally very small and female-y.

71. Sometimes a curl my lip when I grin. I have no idea why and just started noticing it recently.

72. I go to the mall photobooths with people I want to remember.

73. If I don’t get married to the right person in time, I’ll probably become a cougar.

74. I don’t like scarves. There’s no reason for me to wear them.

75. I have this thing for little dinky gemstones and gluing them to things that aren’t pretty on their own.

76. I love having a lighter handy. I don’t why.

77. I’ve never cutting my hair short again. Ever. Wavycurlystraight hair like mine is not meant to be that short.

78. I don’t care how fast your car goes. I care how quickly it gets to sixty. Super fast cars aren’t any good without the right tires, and barely anyone ever buys the tires to let the car reach its potential.

79. I check my phone by habit and really HATE that I do so.

80. When my mom mentioned that my room in the new house wouldn’t have a door, I didn’t mind. Maybe I will when we actually live there, but it just doesn’t seem so consequential.

81. I love being busy.

82. With that said, I almost always prefer going out on dates to staying in. But, with the right person, curling up and watching late night TV is pretty much the best thing ever.

83. I get Asain women as results on any given celebrity look-alike site.

84. Febreze is an obsession of mine. If my room doesn’t smell like an autumn harvest, I don’t even want to be there.

85. I love when my hair dresser knows how to talk AND knows how to cut hair. Having an awkward time in the chair is never good.

86. If I think I see how something could work, I go ahead and try it instead of making definite plans. ESPECIALLY when it comes to crafts, design, and such.

87. Songs make me cry before death does. I see death as a temporary goodbye.

88. It’s funny, though, because I always see temporary goodbyes as forever goodbyes, in any other situation. Saying goodbye for a few months REALLY freaks me out.

89. I have many stupid nicknames given by friends, and I accept them all. Except Boyman. That one just sucks.

90. I like to flip my hair around like a pretty little pony when I feel purty.

91. Makeup and I are good friends, but I don’t consistently wear it. If I feel like putting it on, I do. If I don’t, I don’t. People don’t seem to notice the difference too much.

92. I twirl my hair when I see someone attractive, but I also twirl it when I’m thinking about certain people who twirl theirs.

93. I listen to Pandora CONSTANTLY. I’ve reached the monthly limit many times.

94. I bake when upset, but I also bake when I’m having company.

95. I go into gung-ho housewife mode when I’m having people over. I vacuum, mop, pick up things, fluff cushions, the whole nine yards. And I have NO idea why.

96. I knit when I’m at peace with the world.

97. I’ve been working with hot glue guns regularly since I was probably twelve. If there is ever a need for that random experience, I AM QUALIFIED!

98. I’d forgotten why I took photos until just recently. I miss it, all will start up again.

99. I brush my teeth obsessively and care more about having nice dental hygiene than having hairless legs. Two different mouthwashes, minty floss, whitening chewing gum, daytime and overnight whitener, and a carefully-picked toothbrush and tooth paste duo. I use them all regularly.

100. But there was one time when I actually didn’t consider that when I usually would have.

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