Monday. 1.8.07 10:30 pm
Inspiring movies really should make one feel inspired.
That's definitely not what's been happening recently. Ever since... Well, back in the day the movie Bruce Almighty always inspired me to stop bitching about things and really start doing things for the better. Things are different now. I tried watching it once after the aftermath. I had to go to the bathroom to cry near the end. Couldn't cut it, I guess. It was embarassing when one of my youth walked in on me. I just watched it again. Nope not any better. I feel torn. Like part of me is glad about the whole message of the movie. Then there's this other part of me that is so upset. I guess I'm just that selfish, you know. "What is you trully want?" asks Morgan Freeman as God. "Grace..." responds Jim Carrey as Bruce in refferrence to his girlfriend. "You want her back?" asks God. "No... I want her to be happy" was what Bruce responded.
She's happy now. I'm not sure what I want now, anymore. But I know that I did want her back. I always wanted her back...
Save for the one moment I was going to let her go. How cruel of a moment that was. What did that mean? It meant nothing.
All that I share with you now has no emotion. I've said all of this so many times that I've learned to lock it all in. I figure that's what it is anyways.
But if it's so wrong to have wanted her back for selfish reasons why do others get that? Why do others get that happy ending?
I need to go for a walk. They used to calm me down. I know this one won't. But at least I'll lose some of the fat I gained last night.
I'm still angry. I'm still pissed. I need out.
I took a nap
Monday. 1.8.07 1:35 am
And dreamt two tigers. One black and white. One orange and black. Both lived inside a house with people. They were pets. They both attacked me...
To dream of Tigers:
"To dream that you are attacked by a tiger, symbolizes repressed feelings or emotions that frighten you."
"This large and very beautiful cat can symbolize power, anger, unforgiving vengeance, great force, and cunning. Tigers cannot be ignored, and usually they get exactly what they go after. "
"Dreaming that you are attacked by a tiger means overwhelming gloom and disappointing failures. You may find yourself distressed and tormented by rivals."
it seems the darkness envelops everything
and the night's cool breeze seeps through to your heart.
It's nights like these that call to me.
Beckon me to leave what I know
and dance in the wild.
For all that I've known,
for all that I've lost,
and for all that's to come.
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