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Memores acti prudentes futuri

Turn up the music
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A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

“It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.”
~ William Blake
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Birthday happenings
Monday, September 21, 2015
So I ended up having a really great birthday weekend!

On Saturday my friends came over and we played Telestrations (which Gwenny called Telephone Pictionary) and chatted until Fro and Mike, her boyfriend, came over, then went to Mod Pizza for food. Hung out there for awhile... then went back to my house and played Trash Bucket and Mafia.

Background on Trash Bucket: Everybody gets a few scraps of paper each and writes a person/place/thing on each piece of paper, then folds it in half and puts it in the bowl or whatever you're using as the trash bucket. You divide the group into teams, and then alternate sending up people to take a paper out of the bucket and do something to get their team to guess the word(s). There are three rounds, and in the first round you try to get your team to guess it by talking (but no acting out allowed). The second round is like charades, and in the third round, you get to say one word related to your paper, but that's all you can say, so if you mess up and go "um" or something like that, you're stuck with it. In each round you have to go through the entire bucket until all the words are guessed.

One of my friends (maybe he's reading this?) decided to pick some ridiculously difficult things for his papers, like "Anchorage, Alaska", "Concept", and "329". I have to admit that it was amusing watching people struggle to get their groups to guess their word. We ended up throwing those ones out though, haha.

Here are my lovely birthday gifts.

On my actual birthday, I had lunch with my parents and then met up with Trevor at his friend Cameron's house and we hung out there for a little bit, then drove over to a room escape and went through it with School Alex, Vicky, and Becka. We escaped! Barely! It was pretty fun, there was a laser maze and a tunnel you had to crawl through. Two people also got locked in a jail cell, and three people got handcuffed together. Something really awkward happened too, but... I'm not going to go into detail about that here.

After the room escape, we got frozen yogurt at Pinkberry. I got a free one because it was my birthday! Trevor and Cameron had to leave early so Trevor could catch the train back to San Francisco, but I stayed and got to have some girl time with Becka, Vicky, and Fro, who joined us a bit later. We made plans to meet up again on Friday, which I'm looking forward to.

I feel a lot better now than I had been in the days leading up to my birthday. I'm really glad I got to spend the weekend with a group of awesome people and everyone had a good time (as far as I can tell, at least...).

The awkwardness though... eugh... Could have been a mild cringe video if it had been recorded.

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The suspense builds
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Friend: Hope you didn't eat lunch. Cause my present is gonna make you joy vomit.

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Friday, September 18, 2015
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Friday, September 18, 2015
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Someday [4P]
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
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Significant Objects [4P]
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
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In a few days [4P]
Monday, September 14, 2015
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Introverting again and food
Sunday, September 13, 2015
I went to Becka's husband's birthday party last night. It was... exhausting. I made a chocolate cake for it, but it was only one layer because there were going to be other desserts there.

And a not very good picture of the interior...

They were using a plastic knife to cut it, so it was kinda messy. >_>

The cake was decent, I guess. Usually I don't like frosting, but I made a different kind this time (it's only yellow because of food coloring-- it's just vanilla flavored), and it was significantly better than normal buttercream frosting. Definitely going to save that recipe.

The party itself was... eh... I didn't really know anybody but Fro, Mike (Fro's boyfriend), Becka, and Joel (Becka's husband). And everybody except Fro was significantly taller than me. -__- So... it was a really draining experience. Very loud and kind of uncomfortable. I spent mostly the entire time I was there just talking to Fro and Mike. Maybe I don't have the energy to do social events right now. I ended up skipping the 50th anniversary jubilee at my high school yesterday too because I just didn't feel up to it. Fro and Mike had to leave around 11 PM, so I just left at the same time. I think I ended up feeling pretty sad at the party, and it continued into the rest of the night.

On the plus(?) side, I think I've been eating more. Yesterday I ate... I'm guessing more than 1000 calories, which I probably haven't been making most days for awhile. I know I should be getting more than that, around 1100 or 1200 at least, but I don't really feel hungry or that interested in food most of the time. I did experiment with making fish cakes today though, and I ate like... three of them. And an apple. So I'm doing better? Maybe? I don't really know. At the very least, I've been eating every day, even if it's not much some days. And I haven't had to force myself to eat...

Here are my fishcakes:

They tasted like... fish and mashed potatoes, as one might expect from the ingredients. Not bad. I didn't really use a recipe, just made some mashed potatoes and flaked leftover fish from last night (I didn't eat dinner, just asked my mom to save my portion) and mixed them together with a beaten egg, some cheese, and some spices. Maybe I'll try it again in the future.

I've had a sore throat and sometimes a cough for like... over a week now. I don't really know if it's allergies or if I'm sick or what. Maybe I'm just dying. For some reason the thought of that is kind of amusing to me. Dying would solve all my problems! In completely the wrong way, but still. I think it would be similar to playing checkers and just chucking the board off the table so you can't lose.

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