Enemy Guns; part deux
Monday. 1.15.07 2:16 am
.We talked. I handed him his stuff. He showed me some things on his computer.
Told him I had to go. I got to the door. It was then that I had my shot.
."Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I have to. You don't have to say a thing. All I'm asking for is for you to just listen. I'm sorry, I haven't talked to you. I had to give myself time to calm down, which I now have. I was upset because you've upset mom and there is NO ONE that I get more defensive about than mom. I know that I can't begin to place myself in the situation that you're in and now how you feel, so I cannot blame you for making the decisions that you make. However, all I ask is that you consider at least trying to work things out with my mom. Not just for her, or for me, or anyone else, but for you. I know what can happen if you bottle up emotions and thoughts. I'm not saying that you'd ever do what I did, but I'm certain that whatever your feeling and thinking WILL come out in one way or another. I just don't want to see more people get hurt because of something simple like talking things out. I love you and your still my brother. Whatever you need just let me know."
.I looked at him in the eyes, and decided against it. Everything that I had thought out. All of it. Out the window. I never told him all that I just wrote. I just said have a goodnight and that I hoped his family would arrive safely tomorrow. He wished me a goodnight, too, and commented on the cold weather. I smiled and said goodnight.
.I then drove to Taco Bell and got me a number 7, Oh yeah...
.I've warned people that this day would come. That the day that I would have the ability, the shot, the opportunity to give my advice, my warnings, my whatever, and I wouldn't take it. He may have listened. He may not have. But I'm happier for not doing so. I'm happier knowing that I conquered this anger I had. That I forgave him without ever having to say a thing. I'm also happier knowing that I could have given him a treasure that he could have cast aside, but instead kept to myself. Call it what you will, but I'm beyond tired of handing out "pearls of wisdom" (what little I do have), only for people to trade them in for rotting garbage.
I'm putting this to a vote. In light of some recent events, I've thought of posting an entry of my story. One that I often allude to in many entries involving a girl and some disastrous situations. It's long, but hey, if you're interested. And mind you, this is incredibly personal. In fact I may post it as private and anyone who is interested may request the password.
.All in favor, say AYE.
Sunday. 1.14.07 10:28 pm
. He called again today.
. I screamed into the phone. Robyn asked what was wrong. I told her my brother was calling on the other line. I knew what I had to do. I told her I had to let her go. "Wish me luck," I said, like usual.
. I called him back. I said, "Heywhatsup?" I didn't mean to sound so rushed. He said nothing really and asked if I was busy. I said no. He asked if I would do him a big favor. I said "Depends..." He asked, "Why? Are you about to go do something?" I laughed, louder than I meant to. "No, that's just what I always say. I don't want to say yes and have someone ask me for my soul or something." He then asked me for the same thing he's been asking since weeks ago. I asked if he needed it tonight or if I could do it tomorrow morning. He said the kids were coming in tomorrow. That he's trying to get everything ready. Ready for what? Beats me...
. Now I'm about to go out to my backyard. Gather his kid's toy boxes in the shed. Put them in my Jeep. Take them to him. And we'll see what happens from there...
. God be with me.
. All of this of course without my mom knowing.
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