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Memores acti prudentes futuri


No shadows will replace the warmth of your contact
love is dead in Metropolis
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories― if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
Bummers
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
So, due to some unfortunate circumstances, I can't hang out with Kyle this weekend after all. :( I don't know about my other friend... I sort of told my client I could do in field on Friday with him in San Francisco, so I might have to go up there anyway. I should bill him for the travel time, though.

More music...

"I Want To" by Best Coast.

I want you so much
I miss you so much
I want to go back to the first time, the first place


The lyrics are really simple/repetitive but I like it.

Also, "Long Train Running" by The Doobie Brothers.


---

My therapist often points out that I smile or laugh when I'm talking about things I find sort of annoying or unpleasant. I... guess he's right? Maybe it's like, I'm laughing or smiling because I don't like those things, but it's also like, well, what can you do? It feels better to laugh about things than to get upset or angry over them. If it's something I feel very strongly about though I generally don't laugh. I don't think I've been super angry about anything in awhile, though. Maybe that's good? I dunno.

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No music this time
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Eeee, this is too cute!

Pet Portrait - Budgerigar on Etsy

But this is even cuter:

Budgies in a bowl.

---

After school I chatted with Frosan and Ben for a couple hours and we had a really good talk. I didn't leave feeling super energized and happy like I sometimes do after these conversations, but I've always felt more fulfilled afterwards, and that didn't change. We're hoping to hang out this weekend, just get together and eat some food and chat. I think the three of us have always had really good, insightful discussions about stuff.

The other day Frosan said something about wondering, early on when she was first meeting people in our cohort, "Am I going to be friends with this person for the rest of my life?" I was thinking about that during our discussion. I think I'd definitely like to be friends with both Ben and Frosan for the rest of my life, unless we change so significantly we don't get along anymore. Both of them are good listeners and supportive and have good points to make, and those are all valuable things to me.

---

Unrelated to anything else, my phone has some weird/sort crappy interface and function things going on (I can't set individual text tones!) and it's mildly obnoxious but so trivial I mostly don't notice it. The text tone thing does bum me out though. I like setting specific tones for certain people. Having the same tone for everyone makes texts disappointing sometimes, like if I'm hoping for a text from my boyfriend and it ends up being my client.

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I guess I've been doing a lot of music entries
Monday, April 27, 2015
"Treat Me Right" by Pat Benatar.

You want me to leave
You want me to stay
You ask me to come back
You turn and walk away
You wanna be lovers
And you wanna be friends
I'm losing my patience
You're nearing the end
One of these days
You're gonna reach out and find
The one that you count on
Has left you behind
Don't want to be no martyr
With no one, no say
Oh my, my baby
Before it's too late

Treat me right
Treat me right
Open your eyes
Maybe you'll see the light


---

I'm in a sentimental mood. It makes me want to write something, to or for somebody, but I don't know who I'd do that for. I kind of just want to tell someone in my life how much they mean to me and how highly I think of them. It's easier to write these things than it is to say them. I think I have a hard time giving deeply felt appreciation out loud. It's something that seems very serious to me, and getting the wrong kind of reaction to it is... disheartening, maybe to the point of being painful? There are just some people I think the world of, to use a term I've probably repeated too many times, and it's hard to share that. Just saying something like "I think you're an awesome person" feels so shallow and diminutive. It would be like trying to describe your favorite food and saying "it tastes good." It's vague to the point of being almost meaningless.

Strong Female Protagonist has been really good lately and it makes me wish I could write a comic like that. Well, I guess I wish I could write anything serious without feeling like it's pretentious or melodramatic. It's so much easier to write things that are humorous, but I hate feeling like I use that as some defense to hide behind. I made some small edits to the last serious piece I wrote, but the whole thing just seems cliché and juvenile and I feel dissatisfied with it.

People tell me I'm "good" at writing but I don't know what to say to that other than that I just write what I'm thinking. I'd like to get better at writing but I don't know how I can do that. I'm sort of put off by "writer" types and don't want to go to any conferences or read books on theory. Getting some useful critical feedback would probably be most helpful, but almost all the feedback I ever get on my writing is "I like this" or "great line" and equally useless comments. I mean, it's nice to get praise, but it sort of prevents me from growing, I guess. I'm having that same problem at school, too. Getting good grades is fine and dandy but I feel like, considering all the time I've spent in school these past couple years, I haven't improved much. There have been a couple things here and there that did have an impact on my worldview, but I don't feel like my writing or thinking processes have gotten a whole lot better.

Maybe after I graduate I'll take a writing class or something and see if it helps me brush up on my skills.

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A few gala pictures [3P]
Monday, April 27, 2015
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Outing pictures of various sorts [2P]
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Something from PS
Sunday, April 19, 2015
I saw this on Postsecret.


It's a sad, simply-worded secret that sums up a lot of complicated things, and it stood out to me.

It's 3 AM.

(My mind autocompleted that with "She won't put out, let's go make out with her friends..." because of Mindless Self Indulgence)

Stayed up too late talking to my friend again. Derps.

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TMF again
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
I heard this song on the radio for the first time today and instantly loved it. I've been listening to it on repeat (alternating with "Andrew in Drag" by the same band) whenever I've had the chance. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it's by The Magnetic Fields (shaping up to be my favorite band?).

"The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side" by The Magnetic Fields.

Andy would bicycle across town
In the rain to bring you candy
And John would buy the gown
For you to wear to the prom
With Tom the astronomer, who'd name a star for you

But I'm the luckiest guy
On the Lower East Side
'Cause I've got wheels
And you want to go for a ride

Harry is the one I think you'll marry
But it's Chris that you kissed after school
Well, I'm a fool, there's no doubt
But when the sun comes out
And only when the sun comes out

I'm the luckiest guy
On the Lower East Side
'Cause I've got wheels
And you want to go for a ride

The day is beautiful and so are you
My car is ugly but then I'm ugly too
I know you'd never give me a second glance
But when the weather's nice all the other guys don't stand a chance

I know Professor Blumen makes you feel like a woman
But when the wind is in your hair you laugh like a little girl
So you share secrets with Lou, but we've got secrets too
Well, one: I only keep this heap for you

'Cause I'm the ugliest guy
On the Lower East Side
But I've got wheels
And you want to go for a ride
Want to go for a ride?
Want to go for a ride?
Want to go for a ride?


It's such a beautiful, sweet, and maybe sad song. It has a particular vibe I'm really fond of but don't know how to describe well. Maybe... sad-but-making-the-best-of-things? Like when you're a kid and you're old enough to understand and appreciate the last day of summer before you have to go back to school...? I'm not sure if that's really right. I feel a similar thread in "We Are Young" by Fun ("Tonight, we are young, so let's set the world on fire, we can burn brighter than the sun"). That small sadness that accompanies the understanding that a happy moment will not last forever? I think that's a better way to put it.

Nothing is ever permanent, and that's wonderful and terrible all at once.

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Going to sleep... soon...
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
"Sea of Tears" by The Goldebriars.

I might have posted this song before, but I don't remember. It came up on Pandora and I'm rather fond of it.

Sailing on a sea of tears
Alone and feeling kind of blue without you
So I'll be sailing far away, far away to stay
To stay and cry and try and try to find someone
Who maybe will be fun again
Or maybe find a friend who's true
And so I'm sailing on a sea of tears
And and blue because of you
Can't you see that I am sailing on and on
The night turns into dawn, and day is gone
And dusk goes on, and on and on, I search for someone
Just like you, but that's the worst thing I could do
Because I'm sailing...
Sailing on a sea of tears
Alone and feeling kind of blue without you
So I'll be sailing far away, far away to stay
To stay and cry and try and try to find someone
Who maybe will be fun again
Or maybe find a friend who's true...


Here's a happier song for contrast.

"How Can I Be Down" by The Yellow Balloon.


Life was just a downer till now, then you came along and oh wow

---

It's 2 AM. :( I didn't mean to stay up this late but I got sidetracked talking to my friend. We were wondering how much each of us has said in our conversations and he wrote a script to find out. Turns out he's got a good thousand words (and then some) on me. I was surprised to find that out, but it's interesting to know.

WHY DO ALL THE INTERESTING CONVERSATIONS HAPPEN SO LATE AT NIGHT? D:

We have been talking about dreams and memories and subjective experience and stuff and I wish I wasn't so tired and that I didn't have to do stuff tomorrow.

---Edit---

Have I mentioned this song before? I can't remember at all. I hated that other popular song by Florence and the Machine, but "What Kind of Man" is nice.

The VEVO version is the only one on Youtube that didn't have the audio altered... The actual song doesn't even start until almost two minutes in.

And with one kiss, you inspired a fire of devotion
That lasted twenty years
What kind of man loves like this?

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