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Sometimes I'm Sad
Monday. 3.5.07 11:04 am
Sometimes you do things for the people you love just to make them happy. Even if that thing makes you feel even more sad and lonely. Even if you know they may never really understand how you feel.
And of course it would all mean nothing if I told her about it. So I go back to keeping everything inside.
I just feel so lonely. The thought that she might actually be enjoying herself MORE when I'm not around just... makes me feel really sad. And it's not like I can blame her. I'm the most boring, uninteresting person I know. Even when we're together I can barely think of anything to say.
I don't feel like talking anymore. I'm tired and depressed and all I want is to put my head in her lap. I need sleep.
Saturday. 3.3.07 6:21 am
This is "Paperweight" by Joshua Radin & Schuyler Fisk.
There's not really much to report on. Life goes on. Ups and downs and so on. Still pinning all my hopes on getting the hell out of here with our relationship intact. Trying to be patient even though I know it's going to be another 8 or 9 months. Dreading the chaotic period right at the end before we move in when I probably won't get to see her for weeks on end.
Been watching Scrubs a lot lately. Good show. Very funny. Great music on that show. Next week I'll put up one of the songs I found on there.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a girl. I mean how silly do you have to be to feel sad that you didn't get to say goodnight and 'I Love You' to your girlfriend? Of course, knowing I'm silly doesn't make me feel any less blue.
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