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Memores acti prudentes futuri

Shown to the place you fold
there's nothing to be without it
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts

Blue Milk Special
Camp Weedonwantcha
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
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Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
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The Property of Hate
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Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
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Scenes from a Multiverse
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Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
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Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
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A Redtail's Dream

Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
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Ugly Girl
2815 Monument

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Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
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Clients from Hell
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Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Waiting [4P]
Monday, February 4, 2019
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The relative nature of hard work
Monday, January 28, 2019
"Daphne" by T.hanks.

Wondering again if I have any idea of what it means to work hard. Usually I feel like I don't, and then I feel sort of guilty for not knowing how to do it. I hear about other people devoting hours to studying or practicing or working and I feel kind of embarrassed for... not really ever doing that? Like, I get my stuff done, but I feel like I put a pretty minimal effort in most of the time. When I read for class, I pretty much just read through once and I don't really highlight or make notes or anything. >.> Maybe I've become a worse student...

On the other hand, it doesn't seem like I need to "work hard" to get an A in my classes... I can't tell if that's because grade inflation is rampant, professor standards are low, or I'm just performing at a level that is actually good. If it's the case that my low effort is enough to produce work that's comparable to the people who actually put in hours, then... is this a matter of ability? It feels like uncomfortable territory to explore. People tell me I'm smart, but I don't feel like I'm allowed to wholeheartedly accept that without risking coming off as arrogant.

At the very least, I'm lucky, I guess. Or well, I am in some senses. Lucky that I don't have to put in a lot of effort to get a good grade. Maybe unlucky in the sense that I haven't had to learn how to work hard, and if there comes a time when I need to work hard, I might be royally screwed.

But then on the other side, there's the question of whether I'm just delusional about my level of effort and I'm neurotically pushing myself and underestimating how much work I put in because I've been fed this myth of limitless potential my whole life and have deeply internalized it. When you grow up with people constantly saying "you can do anything!" you might end up believing that you can always try harder, do more. If your potential is unlimited then you can never fulfill it, no matter how hard you work, but it always feels like you could be working harder. Got an A in the class? Okay, that's great, but was it a 100% A or a 93% A? Because there's a difference there. Graduated with honors? Okay, but was it magna cum laude or summa cum laude? Summa cum laude? Yeah, that's all well and fine, but could you have picked a more difficult major? Does it really mean anything if you got high grades in an easy subject?

I realize this all comes off as me refusing to acknowledge my accomplishments, but for me it feels like an endless wondering about what my actual limits are. I know I have done some things that are probably worth recognition, I just don't know what my best looks like. Maybe it doesn't look like other people's best. I have no way of knowing. Most of the time when I feel like something is "hard" it's hard because I managed my time poorly or didn't prepare enough, not because the thing itself is difficult. I think that's a valid distinction...

And I don't mean this to reflect on other people at all. If someone worked hard to accomplish the same thing as me and I didn't work hard at all, it doesn't devalue their accomplishment. It's great that they put in a lot of effort for them, in fact.

Maybe I'm just not proud of the work I'm doing because I feel like I'm just coasting... I dunno, it's hard to say.

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Alright, let's post this thing [2P]
Wednesday, January 23, 2019
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Into the wild, we never learn
Saturday, January 12, 2019
"Ouagadougou" by BC Unidos.

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Necessary frustration [4P]
Monday, January 7, 2019
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Lethe [4P]
Monday, October 29, 2018
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Religious experience and exercise [4P]
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
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Work thoughts, gym freebies
Friday, October 12, 2018
"Side Of The Road" by Big Black Delta.

I worked today, although since I usually have to leave early on Fridays to babysit, I don't have a static room anymore. Today I subbed in the 4-5 pre-K room. Lots of boys, and I always find myself wondering how many of them are going to grow up and break someone's heart. Oddly enough I don't have that thought about the girls, even though it's equally applicable. I feel some affection for them now, but also sadness because of the knowledge that their lives will get so much more complicated.

Also went to the gym today, which I usually don't do on Fridays anymore because... I dunno, I'm lazy now. Tired all the time, maybe. I took a five hour nap today so I guess I must have been exhausted? But after that I was good to work out. They had some freebies/samples at my gym, including spicy Skittles and some kind of Garnier hair mask. Pretty good stuff, actually. I tried out the hair mask when I showered tonight and it's a little overpowering in the scent department, but I like how my hair feels. The Skittles were interesting, not bad. Not really that spicy. I doubt I'd ever buy them, but they were fun to try.

I actually feel pretty good at the moment, which is maybe why this entry is just about random stuff I did and less about deep philosophical thoughts, haha.

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