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First date.
Sunday. 3.18.18 9:59 am
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To be cheated on.
Sunday. 3.4.18 9:09 am
Hey guys, it’s daneva. And for the last 5 years, I was in a relationship with someone I loved.

I am newly single now though, because I found out he was cheating on me for 3 months. It was never actually physical. He went on a gamer chatting website/app and flirted with about 50+ girls. Now, many people are seething reading this. The instant thought it “oh man he’s scum, I can’t believe someone would do that! How disgusting!”

Believe me, that is part of how I still feel right now. But what I really feel is this out in my stomach that I can’t fill. I can’t believe the person I loved for 5 years, the person I trusted with every part of me, could do this to me. He told me though, that it had nothing to do with me, and that I was not inadequate by any means. He told me it was because of his own inadequacy and unhappiness, that he turned to all these people online for validation.

Still, even with his explanation, and my understanding of who he is, I can’t get over this. He wants me back, and I know he loves me unconditionally...but I can’t love unconditionally.

I miss him. I miss being able to tell him about my day. I miss the validation he would give me when I was angry or upset about something. I miss how supportive he was in all aspects of my life. But I don’t want to be with him anymore. I can’t get over this. I forgive him as my nest friend, but I can’t forgive him as a boyfriend.

Recently I started talking to this guy. He seems nice, but also very, VERY different from my ex. I can’t help but judge him negatively because he doesn’t respond the same way as my ex would. But isn’t that rude of me to do? Maybe I’m reading him wrong because he doesn’t validate my opinions as much as I’m used to? Or am I just settling? I don’t understand dating or trying to know people anymore lol. I just know it’s too soon to jump into another relationship, and it’s way too soon to know what I want. I want to date and figure out what I want.

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