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Barren Illusion
"If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal- that is your success. All nature is your congratulation, and you have cause momentarily to bless yourself. The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality. Perhaps the facts most astounding and most real are never communicated by man to man. The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched." - Henry David Thoreau
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Sweet flesh o' mine
viernes, 13 de junio, 2008
Stupid mosquitoes keep bypassing my screen window and drinking my precious blood. They keep waking me up in the middle of night, so I just kill them, spilling my bright red blood over my white walls. My feet and lower calves are riddled with gross little disgusting itchy bites.

I asked my mom why they don't follow the trail of carbon dioxide to my dad, who sleeps on the living-room couch sometimes because of his back and is the person closest to my room. Change up your eating habits, you know? She said because his skin is thick and tough and of course they'd want tender flesh. I countered that my brother is younger than me, therefore his flesh is the tenderest of us all.

Conclusion: Summer sucks big balls. (See previous entry.)

Oh and Happy Five Years on NuTang to me. It's Friday the 13th today and was Friday the 13th the day I signed up, too. That kind of thing only happens once every few years!

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Hot as ice
martes, 10 de junio, 2008
Cayman Islands guy: I'm sorry, but I cannot divulge information about that customer's secret, illegal account. [hangs up phone]
Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said he was a customer.
Oh, crap. I shouldn't have said it was a secret.
Oh, crap! I certainly shouldn't have said it was illegal. [sighs] It's too hot today.

It was hotter than the Devil's armpit yesterday, and today it's like he lifted his arm only a tad. I'm just glad I live near the water so it's not as hot as inland, but there is that urban heat island thing going, so I guess that fucks things up and cancels everything I just said.

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Maybe he's a dope
viernes, 2 de mayo, 2008
I think someone gave me the finger.

There I was just a-walking down the street singing (in my head), "Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do" when I spotted a beautiful German Shepherd walking with its owner. I stared at the dog for a while, not really noticing what the owner was doing. I thought he was doing some weird wave, but he didn't move the hand, and what he raised seemed too thin to be a palm.

Why did he flip me the bird, because I was staring at his dog? If it wasn't because of that, then what the hell was he doing?

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Super Tuesday? I choose soup. Sorry, Tuesday
domingo, 27 de abril, 2008
Holy crap is DTV awesome. I thought I needed to, but it turns out I don't need to buy a DTV antenna for my computer. Yay saving money!

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domingo, 30 de marzo, 2008
Sounds like a grand and sweeping general statement, but I think it's true. I love the dry, crumbly Parmesan along with the soft, crumbly farmer's cheese; from the off-white mozarella to the blue-veined Roquefort. Cottage cheese, Brie, Camembert, Cheddar (mild and sharp), Cheddar Jack, Muenster, Asiago, Pecorino, Fontina, Ricotta, Colby, Monterey Jack, Feta, Provolone, Gorgonzola, cream cheese, Swiss, and more -- I have not eaten a cheese I haven't liked, although who knows if that one variety is out there, waiting for me to hate it since there are hundreds, if not thousands, of varieties from all over the world. I am not a cheese connoisseur by any means, I just loves my cheeses.

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Ooh, something shiny!
domingo, 10 de febrero, 2008
Stop hating on my site! TT___TT

I am too easily amused sometimes.

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Damn you, Articles of Confederation!
viernes, 8 de febrero, 2008
Last night, I saw my first whole episode of Smallville for the first time in about five years. By the time the halfway point came around, my thoughts were completely filled with, "WHAT THE HELL DOES CLARK DO?!?!?!? GET A JOB."

No, seriously, what he do? Farmin'?

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Ways to make David Banner angry
domingo, 27 de enero, 2008
All the reasons David Banner turned into the Hulk. My favorites:

1. Problems with flat tire

2. Nightmare

3. Thinking about either of his wives

19. Being pushed down a mountainside by a bigfoot impersonator

20. Dealing with a pesky operator in a phone booth ("I DON'T HAVE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS!!!")

22. Having a burning 2x4 fall on his head while trying to get the horse out of the burning barn

24. Being tied up and fed soup by an elderly Japanese woman who doesn't understand words like "You've GOT to cut me loose!"

26. Falling through a rickety staircase while trying to get to the drunk girl who is about to jump off the roof, and then finding that she's locked the rooftop door

28. Being placed in a dumpster by the two garbagemen who think he's a thief, and who don't believe him when he says "Hey! There are rats in here!", and then being bitten by the rats to add injury to insult

29. Having two mean football players snap wet towels at him and shove him into the steam room which they have turned on to full blast

33. Yelled at by a mean cop, and then having mace sprayed in his face by same mean cop

34. Handcuffed to a woman who is falling over the cliff

36. Somehow running into a bear trap

38. Placed in a small room with a ravenous black panther

40. Falling into the churning water of a boathouse, and then inexplicably being repeatedly carried over the paddlewheel

42. Listening to ultrasonics

44. Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at him

47. Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic - "You don't understand, I have to be there by 4:00!" - "Hey, mac, it's rush hour, we ain't gettin' there til five, so relax." - "BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!"

50. Receiving a speeding ticket

52. Locked in a drunk tank with a crazy person who insists he is Ernest Hemingway and then beats the stuffing out of David

56. Somehow getting himself into a bellfry and then realizing that a bell is there, just as it strikes the hour

68. Being placed in a cage with an angry gorilla

73. Being chained to a truck while his friend for the episode has been taken inside the trailer by the natives to be punished under the rites of La Culta de Cabeza Chocolata

75. Beaten up by all the other prisoners in the work camp, in the middle of the night while he is trying to sleep, when he emphatically told them not to beat him up that particular night

78. Being thrown under a New Orleans Mardi Gras parade float by a mean guy in a gorilla suit who gives David a few kicks for good measure

83. Being mistaken for mob boss Mike Cassidy, who looks exactly like him, and who everybody wants to beat up, so that David is repeatedly beaten up for no reason

89. Being trapped by McGee in a back room, and when he tries to run away, bashing his knee, crashing into a backboard, and doing generally klutzy things culminating with falling down the stairs and crashing into a giant flower pot

90. Being hit by a car and knocked twenty feet so that he tumbles down a conveniently open manhole

101. Punched out and thrown in the cactus bed so that David can thrash around on the cactus, even though he has plenty of avenues of escape

106. Being fed poisoned sushi

108. Having several clay pots broken over his head in the middle of the now-burning room (why is the room always burning?), and then knocking an entire case of same clay pots onto same head, and then, while lying very still and struggling not to get angry, having his pants catch fire

112. While paralyzed for the episode, somehow getting caught in the middle of a barroom brawl, and while trying to quietly wheel himself out of the room, being hit by a flying body and knocked down the stairs (what David is even doing in such a situation goes unexplained)

116. Somehow being caught under a rockslide, and then foolishly exposing one of his hands on the mountainside so that a big, heavy rock smashes it

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