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Serenity
Tuesday. 1.17.06 7:10 am
Another good ass movie. One main reason is because I like all the characters even the tangible 'bad guy'. the true bad guy is more of an idea being that of supression and trying to rule everyone and tell them how to live. thats whole idea that "we are right, you are wrong, accept our better way for peace or we will kill you for being so inferiorly dumb." sounds like other groups of people i know but thats a different entry.

so the tangible 'bad guy' is an assassin whos gonna kill whoever because of his orders/belief. which the whole following orders thing is a dilema in and of itsself. it takes alot of honor and good traits to be able to follow orders no matter what. and if you have that, it takes even more to be able to go against those orders when you know you have to do the right thing. so dude is following orders the whole time and just fucking up all types of people gettin in his way. and most of the ones he shows killin he does with a fair sense of honor. but hes following orders based on his belief that hes doing the right thing.

and heres the catch why i love him (still the bad guy), is because he believes hes doing the right thing by following these orders so he does so with full honor and thouroughness and everyone that tries to tell him he's wrong gets ignored and/or backhanded. as well they should. its not til the end he is physically restrained and the truth is shoved in his face does he realize "hey they were doing the right thing. word. let 'em go" and he then does the right thing once hes sure what it is. so yeah he would have completely ruined his shit when he was ill informed but it doesnt make him a bad guy because he thought he was doing the right thing.

hence i love that guy. they say in the movie "you cannot defeat him ... because he believes." and thats how it should be. none of this weak sissy 'ohh im not sure' crap because they get slaughtered. those who believe fight til the end, or realize they were misinformed. and then they dont change their belief, they just adapt it to the new truth. i love that balls out stubborness. its the only way to get things done. i run in to that problem all the time, problem being the full on passion applied to a misstold truth. for instance one day you love a girl, then you think she cheated or stabbed your mom and you hate them with such a murderous passion, then you find out the truth that she cheated in checkers or something dumb, and then its pour the love on.

so thats the catch, alot of times if you have a true enemy its because someone has a misperceptiopn of the truth. alot of times im mad at someone its because i misperceived something, or someone lied to me about the situation im pissed about. for instance the other night i thought guy X was trying to force himself on girl Q. everyone said wow X is really forcing himself on her. so hence i started to hate him and even went looking for him. then i saw him and q making out, q was more into it than x was and it was all good. so i went from 0, to wanting to kill X and back to 0, all because of some no goodertons spreading dumb ass rumors. hence i hate rumors. especially about that type of stuff.

and if theres someone that reads this everytime i update, sorry i didnt call. i had some bad nights like that one i just mentioned and ill tell you about them later.

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freedom
Monday. 12.19.05 7:59 am
first off, read this:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/17/AR2005121701194.html

the long and the short of it is that wal-mart dropped "merry christmas" from its slogan and is using "happy holidays" to be fitting for more religions. sound idea, i thought so too. but god no. fucking people are out there protesting it. im still not sure of their protest. they are complaining that they took 'christmas' out. ok, whats the fucking problem? i think they feel less welcome i guess because they are going there to do christmas shopping and not saying merry christmas takes the Jesus out of buying gifts completely unrelated to him. i cant bitch and complain enough about how dumb it is to still call it CHRISTmas when its all gift giving and drinking anymore. the irony is, if you remember my jesus = santa analogy, the head christian guy is in a snata suit. good metaphor god, i get it.

but listen, the christians do have a point. wal-mart should cast aside anyone that celebrates chaunakah or kwanzaa or none of them because the christians are the only ones that matter. i mean, thats basically what im hearing by the protest. im hearing santa say "holidays? chaunakah? FUCK JEWS ONLY I MATTER SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!1!!" call me crazy, but i thought the main reason we came here and created this country was for freedoms, like relligion. therefore we would have many religions. therefore everyone doesnt believe in jesus (christ). therefore we all dont celebrate christmas. if they say merry christmas then they should say 'happy chaunakah' and 'happy kwanzaa' as well. and sure it sounds all merry (though its highly non-logistical) but then to soothe their satanic, antichrist consumers, they would have to say 'fuck jesus' to and that would raise all types of shit. rightfully so.

but what about those non christians? making walmart say 'merry chirstmas' is the age old christian philosophy of "im right, everyone MUST FUCKING HERE ME!'" so it makes sense, they want to spread their religion farther because theyre sooooooo right, and walmart has lots of customers. its marketing for jesus. and i hear christians complain about a 'rough life choice' in religion. fuck you, i can walk to the store and buy milk without jesus being slammed in my face. i say, fuck putting happy holidays up anywhere. its not gonna make my bread fresher or my porn ... i dunno ... pornier?

what i love in the article is the guy qouted saying that hes pissed they took it out, but still shopped there. oh yeah, huge balls on that guy. "what? you punched my mom in the face and shit in my bed? asshole! here's 20 bucks" what kind of flailing labia shit is that? its that kind of undedicated unpassionate pussy mentality thats going to kill us all. grant it, the main protestor in the santa suit is a fucking idiot, hes at least dedicated to his cause and not going to completely contradict himself (disregarding the fact hes wearing a santa suit, the epitomy of 'forgetting the meaning of christmas' but we'll assume he meant to do that as symbolism). id much rather follow the dedicated crazy man than the sane pussy. i know im crazy about ideas, mostly people, but if you fuck with her its done. by her i mean people of course. *ahem. listen, to settle the whole happy holidays thing, how about you dont say anything and continue to just sell shit. id rather not be reminded of the holidays everytime i wipe my ass personally.

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brain hurts
Wednesday. 12.7.05 7:19 am
"I'd break in two over you
I'd break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life!
But you don't see me. You dont"
"Autumn's Monologue" - From Automn to Ashes

still believe?? fuck, what does that mean? listen, the L bomb is a big one. its hard to drop. i only dropped it twice but meant it both times, at least to the best of my understanding of it. but what happens when circumstances interrupt love? do you fall out of love with him, or do you make compromises of your ideas of love? and theres no accusing here, just questions because my brain has been mud wrestling the same shit ever since. listen i understand the situation. good times, separate, lonely, taken, temporarily happy?, single, lonely, missing the good you once had. no malevolence, cant in good concience tell him about some of those steps along the way so you dont talk to him at all for a while there.

how is it that the hardest part of being so far from home is being away from someone i met after leaving? why does it still fuck with my head? i thought i was thru all this. but nooooooooooooo, Mr. Brain says "hey guess what brian? FUCK YOU! look at these pictures and feel like ass. hahahaha" fuckin brain. hes lucky i cant shit him out because hed be halway thru koreas sewers system by this point for this shit. why. why cant i let go. why do i have to hold on. why do i still hold on to others before. why does my brain still kick me in the kidneys and say "hey, rmember 9 fucking years ago when you stayed up late talking to _____ and listing all the things youd do for her? yeah that sucked didnt it? ok have fun!" fuck you! of course i remember it, im too stupid to let it go. and of course i would still do all that for her if i could. as i would for ___ and ___ like i told them i would.

fuck. if i could do one night stands, life would be great. cant do it tho. and believe me my penis hates me for it. so instead i get close to her. we spend all types of time together, i make her smile and laugh and feel good, without being stupid and obsessive and all the other dumb shit our sex does. fuck, as close as it is, sex is sometimes not as good as seeing her smile. you completely melt. its like christmas and your birthday from the last 5 years crammed into 3 seconds. is that love or my crazy ass view on life which i know is hard if not impossible to follow. but fuck that, no one needs to understand my brain to understand my actions and where my heart lies as a result. my brain wants to tell me shit like "just another one, or no lasting effect" and its depressing as shit. but fuck my brain. its wrong. ill be damned if i wasnt me in all my aspects that make me: me. another me will never be found. and ___ and ___ know it, but ____ blew it forever as stated in the 2003-4 postings in this journal, and i still think its retarded why.

still believe. does it mean you believe that you still do, as in you think it is the same as it was before but not sure? like possibly not sure of the compromises you can/can't accept with the word? or does it mean you still are the same, but you only believed it because you werent sure what it was? and i know its alot for just two words but im so not sleeping tonight because of it. i have no one here to feel strongly about so i get lost in myself and we all know how bad that gets. fuck i hate being here sometimes. because fuck 'still belive' because I KNOW. and because im so sure i know i worry. theres never 'frogetting' from me, and theres minimal compromise on the word. compromises like i understand if theres someone else therebecause he cant replace me. compromises like accepting that i cant be there for absolutely everything, which is a painful compromise but a logical one nonetheless. because holy shit it something happens to you because i wasnt there to protect you. and i know youre reading this and you know what my fucking fear is and if it happened my life would be ruined. fuck awol, fuck duty at that point. id have a new, superceding duty that would result in jail time. much rather rot in jail knowing i did my duty than rot thru life with regret of not doing what i should have while a piece of shit would still be alive. fuck all that. never. no question.

still cant let it go. still eating my brain like a worm. all i can see right now is that little 3 inch screen that popped up and was choppy and only worked for like a minute. but holy shit no one has any idea what effect it has on me. to see you making that person smile, holy shit. undescribable at best. and luckily so because im already loosing what i started to ramble into in the last paragraph which is never a good night. emotion like this is like writing and having sex: the longer you dont do it, the more it builds up, and the stronger of a release it is when it comes out. and some people cant do it for so many times in a short period because it gets thin and runs dry. but i know ive proved the opposite on at least one, and alot of people have seen the writing keep going here. but the fact that i have no one to pour love onto here means its building up. and like the others, i have alot. and when i go even a short period without releasing it, shit gets all fucked up. grant it, i of course have my parents and friends back home, but thats all different. still grateful to have them though. and for now, coms is back up and it looks like i can have an outlet again, but im hesitant. i was all excited when i first got here and what happened there? plenty of writing about that as well. and again i understand, im not out to make anyone feel bad. its just the situation sucks. but you've struck hope in me again. so now i can actually go to sleep. i think you stay you still believe while you know, as well as i know.

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New Movie Review (Saw 2)
Tuesday. 12.6.05 5:51 am
fuck saw 2. stupid ass movie. listen im all about a ruthless motherfucker slaughtering people randomly, even more about it if its justified in some manner. but this douche bag thought he was a goddamn saint by doing his stuff. fuck that. i do want to give credit that some of his methods and ideas were pretty legit, but who passed out in the bathtub and gave him the right to decide whos wrong and who should be punished? at least if he took the severe detriments to society and fucked with them it'd be cool. a guy is fat and lazy? sure he should be motivated to not be a fat lazy fuck, but not killed, especially not so brutally. so a broad is dumb and shoots up everyday. shes only fuckin herself up. again, im all about torture, in the right situation. take bubba ray out of his trailer who just raped his niece and string his ass up in barb wire and set it on fire. then put it out with saltwater and remove organs until he finally dies. thats more than fine, if its even enough. thats still kinda too quick for my taste for such a pile of shit but thats just me.

i understand the mentality that people should be grateful for what they have etc. but the idea im getting is that he's bitter because he can 'no longer enjoy life.' what the fuck kind of dumb shit is that? he still has the ability, time, and resources to make elaborate contraptions, record tapes, and abduct people without harming them. seems to me like hes plenty able to do more than most people can do now. and he's the 'victim who cant enjoy life'? what the fuck do you have to smoke to write shit like that? listen ive talked to people high on crack who thought i was a 3 foot pink lobster with wings and even they couldnt spew out some shit as dumb as that.

plus, if this guys life is sooooooooo short now, and hes going to make a ridiculous amount of effort to change something, why not change something in a positive way. now again, i get the jist of what he was trying. he wanted to 'free' those people and show them that life is precious etc., but 99% of the people died in the process, and none of those dead people created any remorse for him. so essentially he tried to help someone, they died as a result, so he picked his next victim. wow, right on par with ghandi there isnt he? i bet you if you fed a starving kid he would appreciate life pretty goddman well. but why do something so simple with such an obvious benefiet along the lines of your 'philosophy' and i use that term looser than a whore on tour with the globetrotters.

saying philosophy would mean he had a set of ideas, that he spent time contemplating, and continued relentlessly to question it and attempt to validate it. which is not what happened. he obviously fell in a tub of acid laced lsd, swam acouple laps, got out and slapped himself in the face and started fucking with people as he did in the movie. again, if it was random, illogical slaughter, it would be a good movie. but they tried to resurect leviticus or some kind of all knowing prophet with this guy. bullshit brother, hes someone pissed about his own shitty situation and has to take it out on others.

and what is the gain of fucking with the son? i understand fucking with the cop, he was a douce. i understand taking the kid to lure in the dad. but he put the kid at way too much risk for having not done anything. i hate when people fuck with kids. what a fucking pussy he has to be to take a 14 year old to prove his 'godliness.' what a fucking douche. i dont understand how you can mentally decide to show people the value of life, and do it in that manner. thats like saying you want to get somewhere as fast as possible, so you get off the train going there and walk the other way. what a fucking fuck. fuck saw 2.

and THEN, they try to play him off as a martyr. like hes the all knowing dhali llama or something that no one understands. no one understood charles manson either you fucks. fuck that asshole. im glad he got his face beat in. am i supposed to feel sorry for him because he got cancer and took a fairy Mc Pus-Pus way to change the world? fuck him. if hes so richeous and all knowing, what positive things did he do BEFORE he got cancer? oooohhh i see, he was a regular fuck head like the rest of the world but once he came down with cancer hes a fucking saint with rights to kill everyone. fuck thats dumb. way to just be lazy as hell writers.

fuck that movie is still pissing me off and i watched it 4 days ago. cant people write good shit anymore or do they only show the flashy stuff in the theater to make money. oh wait, dumb question. you can still have the flashy crowd drawing crap, but why not spend maybe a whole hour actually thinking and writing something to support it. i like the movie XXX because its a bunch of random exlposions, and cool, ridiculously impossible and unreal stunts. but thats all it claimed to be. it didnt claim to be this huge, deep, mind trip that has about as much writing ingenuity as fresh baby spew thrown in a toilet overflowing with donkey shit. fuck this movie is pissing me off.

and ive hit some aspects from the original saw as well, that one pissed me off too. only one part mainly; when the broad got the gun. what the fuck is that? listen, if you hold a gun to my face, and tell me for hours that at this time you WILL KILL ME, and on top of that you treaten my child the whole time? ho ho ho HOOOOO, negative brethren. as soon as i get that gun your body will no longer function. but what happens? she gets the gun and waves it around like shes playing lethal enforcers. fuck that. hed have 2 in the chest and one in the head within 2 seconds. and thats just for threatening my life. threatening me, i wouldnt take personally, id just use whatever force necessary to keep you from doing it. but if youd fuck with my kid (insert sister, girlfriend, anyone id feel equally as strong about) and id probably ply out your eyes and piss in the sockets. to start. fuck this waving the gun around bullshit. ok, even if on some distant planet in a remote realm you would feel bad about killing him, even after all that, shoot him in the knee or something so he cant fuck with you. jesus christ.

i despise when writers just get lazy. i was bitchin about that whole thing the other day, and the person i was talkin too said 'well then there wouldnt be any more movie' so? i wish it would have ended there. listen, if you apply logic to a script and it would end the story, it does not validate circumventing logic. just take two more seconds, wipe your ass, and come up with something better. and it doesnt take much to entertain me. if i see a monkey or a set of boobs im entertained for weeks. but dont pull this shit out of a dumpster and smear it all over the place like a 'suspenseful thriller.' youre out of your mind. ive been more thrilled guessing how far a penny would roll without tipping over. "OH MY GOD WILL HE GET AWAY?" who the fuck cares? hes a prophet of a religion that he is blashpeming with his actions of preaching that same religion.

and heres another thing about our saviour here. in the first one, he set all this shit up so when the cops came they would die too. so let me reorganize everything here. he wants to show people the value of life. that is his in-movie verbatim underlying mission. so he plans ahead to kill cops. now, besides the dick cop in 2, cops are generally out there, risking their lives to save others. i think they know better than most what the value of life is. they are (usually) hard-wroking, very honorable men who want to do the right thing. heeeeeeeeeey lets kill them so we can furhter our fucking Barney-thought-out agenda that would realistically be appreciated by people like cops. im no Socrates here, but ive put more logic and thought into putting on socks. its so fucking stupid.

and it pisses me off that these 'writers' get paid a shit load of money for this crap. i quoted 'writers' because pissing letters on to a skinned cats ass doesnt constitute writing, but they got away with it in Saw. oh yeah, saw, i sure did, and im still pissed because of it. theres alot of really smart, really great writers that no one will read or see. and all i see are teletubbies with pencils going straight to movie. fuck. such a stupid fucking move. "hey i just got cancer, im going to die soon, AHA! i know know that life is valuable, so i just learned this myself, so EVERYONE else MUST know it already, and if not I am definately so much better than them and am justified to kill them, even though I JUST NOW FUCKING LEARNED THIS MESSAGE THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS A USELESS PILE OF SHIT IF THEY DON'T KNOW!!!!1!!" woah, did a drunk racoon just fall on his head or did i just outline both of those shitty movies. fucking amazing.

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V Chapter
Tuesday. 11.29.05 4:48 am
(im surprised i didnt get more comments on the Jesus = Santa Claus piece)

and im not saying "jesus isnt real and youre crazy to believe in him" im just painting the analogy to make the point that you have all the same reasons to believe in him as you did santa and look who one that battle, the people making money off of the fake santa. you havent seen him, you have know actual perception of him, thus you have no reality of him. you have stories. you read the book, youve heard the good people talk. again, sure it could be logical to believe it him. but again, it was just as logical for santa. where the true insanity comes in is the bloodshed to spread/defend your idea of santa claus. the analogy is so exact that i can interchange those two names. fuck you. again, no ones crazy for believing, but killing someone because you cant convinvingly prove to them that your unbased belief is real is pretty much on the crazy side. and you dont have to kill them for that to apply. shunning a co-worker because your not completely sure of your belief, because your belief is so faulty and not based in reality that you cant make a convinving argument for me to believe it. fuck you then, your crazy. ill always listen, ill always attempt to perceive it. but if you dont show it to me, i dont perceive it, i cant attest to its reality. note how no where did i say jesus doesnt/didnt exist, im saying i have yet to have enough evidence/perception for me to say reality.

and all that fucking crazy has started so much shit. 2,000+ of our brothers and sisters died already in the middle east because some group of crazies took their crazy idea to a crazy extreme. we're 'infidels' because we follow a different book of made up shit than they do. and i hear 'what makes the US better' its because (i still believe) we're not over there for religious shit. that would be retarded for a country that was founded by people looking for freedom of religion. thats why we have an official language, official currency, but we'll never have an official religon. language and money are insanity inducing enough we dont need religion throwing everything off. if we ever make an official religion, then we would negate everything our coinstitution stands for and negate every death in the name of this country and i would move to fucking mexico and piss across the border everyday. no im lying. if we did that, then the land wouldnt even be worth the bacteria that my body wants to get rid of. but, i know itll never happen so its no big deal.

although, ive said it a hundred times (101 now) every empire has fallen and i believe every empire will. they say what goes up must come down, every beginning has an end, etc. at some point the US will fall, but ill be dead because either it will happen well after my life, or ill die trying to defend it. and part of my motivation of such is that i look around and see a horde of people that feel the same. ive talked before about not feeling 'belonged' but alot of soldiers carry that same faith and honor and thats the best friendship/brotherhood you can forge. dont get me wrong i love my good friends back home and they know who they are. but this kind of comradarie is completely different. its amazing how you would be willing to kill 5 men to defend one person because of the uniform hes wearing. because its not just a uniform, its a statement of his beliefs and his honor (for the most part, there are some worthless humans that sneak in like viruses [which is exactly what they are, they sneak in unwanted and fuck everything up]) usually the fact that hes wearing means (by my standards, at least its what i believe in myself wearing it) he'll fuck some shit up to keep this glorious way of life going. sure US isnt perfect but go live in north korea if you think its bad here. it means he'll shed blood if necessary to keep it going, it means he holds everyone who has done so and is willing to do so in the highest regards. it means he will still respect the people not willing to do so, even the ones that spit in his face for sacraficing to defend their right to do so. its acknowledging that soldiers enjoy so few of the freedoms the die to defend. its having honor above all, and never compromising it for anything or anyone. its doing the right thing, even if there is an easy way to get ahead. thats what being a soldier is and thats what it means to put on the uniform. so youre goddamn right ill do whatever to keep him trucking because of my honor in wearing the uniform.

its so hard to find honor, yet its flooding here. just look at anyone of high rank, sure i may not agree with certain aspects of their character/opinion, but all that is trivial in the shadow of the respect their honor commands. theyve sacrificed 15, 20 , 30 years for those beliefs. that means their family and friends sacrificed for just as long. how do you not feel honor when you look at such people. i feel honored to be in their presence to be able to wear the same flag on my arm. wheres the honor in the guy who cried his way out of basic training becaus he 'couldnt take it anymore' no he could take it if he belived in the cause enough. he wanted a free fucking ride and they said 'no you have to earn it' good im glad he's gone. im glad basic was so rough to weed out the useless, undevoted, and unhonorable. are we defenders of freedom, or people using one alternative to enhance a career? sure we get the benefeits of the latter but our first goal is to defend. even if its not just ourselves we defend. theres crazy people bombin shit all over the place and someone has to do something. i need to go to bed.

(its really the end)

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Chapter 4
Sunday. 11.27.05 8:25 am
which very beutifully displayed, after hanging with the broad she finally plants the seed of doubt and makes him think hes crazy. fuck the entire world couldnt convince him, one broad did. more proof of the evil of women. kind of like the whole adam and eve story. girls like to make cutesy comments about guys being dogs, or just after sex, but theres huge, good stories of women destroying (symbolically or literally) the entire human race. plus they cant drive. but im gettin off topic again. see! just talkin about them makes me swerve and get off topic and throws off the whole balance (loose use of the word) that was previously this entry. it was good writing til it went downhill at the women.

so back up, a little more irony, is the whole time he KNOWS whats real, and she KNOWS whats real, thus she calls him crazy, and he just calls her ignorant. and only after so much 'in your big-mouthed-face' proof does she finally start to believe. but its too late, she ignorantly called him crazy and deranged for so long that by now he thinks hes crazy and its all futile. fuck people. listen we're born crazy enough we dont need other people distorting views and makin them crazier. fuck i forget where i was goin.

she is the embodiment of my hatred towards psychiatrists. the idea that every brain follows the same pattern and could thus be made into a science in my opinion is worse than the idea of letting lazy people in the army. it doesnt work. there is no possible way you could compare my brain to anyone elses and make a logical evaluation. never. brains are like snowflakes. or a box of chocolates, never know what youre gonna get. hence we have einstien and retards, bach and charles manson. how can you compare all those? you read this crazy ass string of entries, then someone else talking about how much they want to marinate Nelly's balls in flour. theres no comparison. thus you cant make a standard for sanity. now yes, if someone thinks a dragon is flying around them, and goes into rooms swinging a sword around allover the place, hacking up people just drinkin slushies, they should probably be put somewhere. prefereably somewhere without large blades. but think about this, what if you took that person and made a fake dragon fly around their head? what if he killed that farce and then was cured. he sees the dragon, whether its real or not in our scope of reality. so if he kills it then maybe he wouldnt see it any more. maybe we have to tap into some peoples crazy to cure them of it. in the right environment i think a bunch of crazy people would be sane. put the guy from the future in a room filled with futuristic type shit. sure hes crazy, but happy without pumpin him full of drugs. then maybe in that enviornment hes 'sane' becuase his preception is being fulfilled and not distorted. then he could possibly become a productive member of society.

i think some crazy people could be absolute geniuses. if bob thinks he lives on the moon, set him up with a lab that looks like its on the moon. he thinks hes on the moon, so hes satisfied, hes not 'crazily' trying to find a way to the moon, so then he could do his work and could be the one to find the cure for aids. maybe whats making him crazy is he has somehow unlocked part of that extra unknown in his brain. maybe hes seeing something that really is there but we have no idea because that is part of our 90% which dont know whats in there. what if there really is a dragon flying around, but we dont know because we need part of that 90 to see it. but tiny tim is cruisin ay only 80% he cant use. maybe in that extra 10 he discovered the thing thats really there, tries to tell us, but we disregard it and call him crazy because we cant comprehend it. fuck that. makes you wonder how long our ignorance has stunted our growth. besides the obvious, historically recorded instances.

and back to the whole 'changing the environment.' ted thinks he's on the moon, we make it seem like he is on the moon. if he perceives the moon and he thinks hes on it then hes pretty much sane right? he perceives it, accepts it as real, thus hes relatively sane. but, he perceives the moon, and thus his reality is that he is on the moon, yet hes in someones garage in idaho. there again he perceives something, thus its real to him, but its not true. does that make him crazy? i think alot of the crazy out there comes from being lied to. if you put someone in a false environment they come to accept it as reality, when its not, thus an aspect of crazy. and heres a PRIME (no the optimus sort) example. i remember being told about santa claus. my environment said 'hey you little shit, believe in santa or BURN IN FUCKING HELL' ok so santas real. ill send him letters, ill leave him cookies and milk, ill stay up and wait for him to come down my chimney (my house in the ghetto had no chimney yet all the lies that changed my environment made me beileve he would still come down my chimney [which is non existant]). then i found that santa is not real. so lets reword it a little and replace santa with 'the man that doesnt exist' (its still the same thing we're tellin kids, just different wording because: santa = man that doesnt exist. or MTDE because im lazy). so im gonna tell my kid to send mail to the man that doesnt exist. Hey billy! lets leave cookies and milk out for the man who doesnt exist. Hey jill, fuck mom, lets stay up and wait to hear the man that doesnt exist walk on our roof! if you heard someone say any of that youd call em crazy. yet its what millions of kids say every year (just a small change of environment)

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