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Blind to the gemstone alone


bauhaus
Age. 28
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. Asian
Location ,
School. Other
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November 2018

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Tuesday. 3.3.09 8:16 pm
I didn't accomplish my goal of getting to school at 5:30am, and this wasn't my fault. I woke up at 4:45-ish, and got out of the house asap. The bus didn't come because it's so early in the morning. So I woke up early for nothing. I could have like 15 mins more to sleep. It's fine though. When I got off the train, I was speed walking like crazy. I must be insane. Got there early and try to get a head start at stuff. I wasn't expecting, but today felt like my day. Chef wants me to do this and do that. That annoying guy wanted to do what chef told me to do, so I said, "Chef wants me to do this all by myself." So he didn't interfere. I think he was pissed off because I get to do all the good stuff. He was standing there watching me. Now you know how I feel! The day went great. He wasn't nice to me anymore. He won't even look or talk to me. I wasn't trying to rub it in his face, but I dislike the arrogance. He acts like he's the best at everything. Which isn't true. I understand that everyone wants to feel smart/talented, but you don't gotta be like that. We gotta help each other. Good looking boy, but I hate the personality. He made zucchini bread and puts them into the oven. He never came back to check or take out of oven. He just left it there. So I had to do it because he was irresponsible. You finish what you start. It's like, you don't leave your dishes for other people to do. I'm tired of the BS. Not doing it anymore..

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Monday. 3.2.09 6:26 pm
I have to get to school at 6am, but I want to be there at 5:30am. I want to get an early start on everything, so he won't have anything to do. I'm tired of arrogant people. He's arrogant about being there at exactly 6am because the other people couldn't really make it on time. I'm a really nice person, but I don't think I should be. He likes to use my knives, but when I asked to use his for once or twice, he was reluctant. Jerk. I'm annoyed at the smallest things because I'm very observant. I can't wait to wake up tomorrow. I don't want to go into details or else I'll have a long essay listing bunch of crap. lol..

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Tuesday. 2.24.09 8:20 pm
I should say that I'm pretty much content even though things don't always go my way, but I learned to accept it. Like being really sucky in math, or being slow. I learned to accept that and I'm good. I told some guy, "I suck at math. Oh well." And I smiled. He asked, "Why are you so proud?" I said, "I'm not proud. I learned to accept who I am. I don't want to be sad because I know I'm dumb in math." I laugh about it. There is no use of stressing out too much or even stressing out at all. If I'm dumb, so be it. I'm just gonna be the person I am. I try my best in everything. That's all it counts. The only reason I'll ever stress out is if I had to get good grades.

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School
Saturday. 2.6.09 9:51 am
Maybe I was wrong about my art teacher. I thought she had something against me. I'm just blowing things out of proportion. It was nothing really. No one distract me in art class yesterday, so I was really focused. My art teacher said my work was really nice. That made me happy. That's all I want really. Some feedbacks. She looked pleased.

It's finally Friday. I'm having fun at school, but very tired at the same time. I love my classes. Next week, we got a 5 day break, counting Saturday and Sunday. Valentine's Day is on a Saturday. Cool.

I'm feeling less dumb. Isn't that amazing?

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school
Wednesday. 2.4.09 6:31 pm
Art class isn't going so great. I love art very much, but I'm disappointed at myself for doing such crappy work. If I do a good job, I would be totally honest with myself. I'm doing a very poor job right now. Whatever happened to my skills? I thought I was good at it. Now it seems like I'm struggling to make the lines parallel. I'm so tired. I hate carrying my art materials to school. It's so heavy. I'm not sure if I look forward to that class tomorrow. I always look forward to art, but not this art class that much. I'll try to do better and quicker tomorrow. And I don't think the teacher likes me that much. She could be high though. Her teeth is pretty grey and she smells like weed.

I'm better at cooking. Finally understanding stuff.. People are so nice to me. I wasn't being careful today. I stuck my hand inside my knife bag and it sliced a little of my flesh and skin on the back of my hand. It's not that bad, but there's a little hole. Not exactly a hole, but I can see my flesh missing. People were encouraging to me even though my cut was small.

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Saturday. 1.31.09 8:09 pm
It's funny how I said some overused lines from movies without thinking.
That's corny, right?

I like old horror movies. So whenever I have the time, I'll start watching them again. 80's horrors are the best. I've never finished watching that Lucas movie with Corey Haim. I went to the store to try to find a copy, but it was never available. I need my own copy! I've been wanting that for a long time. I like those types of movies.

I'm still having trouble understanding the cooking process. It's more complicated than I thought it would be. I'm reading the book now, so I hope I won't be clueless on Monday. It's very exhausting waking up at 4:30am in the morning, but it's worth it.
I need to be 100% focus. I need to be!

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Currently
[Mood] The current mood of bauhaus at www.imood.com
[surfing] nutang
[listening to] Sopor Aeternus & the Ensembles of Shadows
Current Lyrics
Equal Ways

So the circle cannot fade
It turns in endless ways
It turns its endless days

So this window offers views
Of endless loves and fears
Of endless moves and stance

We turn in rest and dance
Scoff at our arises and falls
I won't stop wonder
I will never stop wonder

They walk in flowers
They walk in shorts
They win the nothings
They win awards

It makes no essence to me
I walk the flowers
I win the nothings
So this circle cannot fail

It turns its endless ways
It turns its endless days

Scare the dower
Rises and falls
I won't stop wonder
I won't ever stop wander

Scare the dower
Rises and falls
I won't stop wonder
I won't ever stop wander

We turn in equal days
So let's live in equal ways
We turn in equal ways
So let's live in equal days

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"I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day." ~Vincent Van Gogh

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