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hating
Tuesday. 1.25.05 8:13 am
hating this school. the people.




hrm. what if i took a grenade to their mouths.


all of them?

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Tuesday. 1.11.05 9:22 pm
dude, jess. don't call the cell. i'll explain later...

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The ring sat my finger for much too long
Monday. 1.10.05 7:32 pm
What happens when the dreams are comical and the senses are rusty?

Your face is drooping and my heart goes along for the ride.

Pity isn’t the word; they’ve let to come up with one.

Puzzles are the saying of the heyday

Come with me and configure the death of mysteries.

Black suede and the tea to match


I’m sitting waiting for them to come


I left you at the Alter… Tell me you’d forgive a broken girl.

False impressions. Lost smiles. Understandings of fallacies and loses in reason.



Its midnight hun, Wake to the morning.

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AHHH i do exist!
Tuesday. 1.4.05 8:34 pm

Rationals, are the problem solving temperament, particularly if the problem has to do with the many complex systems that make up the world around us. Rationals might tackle problems in organic systems such as plants and animals, or in mechanical systems such as railroads and computers, or in social systems such as families and companies and governments. But whatever systems fire their curiosity, Rationals will analyze them to understand how they work, so they can figure out how to make them work better.
In working with problems, Rationals try to find solutions that have application in the real world, but they are even more interested in the abstract concepts involved, the fundamental principles or natural laws that underlie the particular case. And they are completely pragmatic about their ways and means of achieving their ends. Rationals don't care about being politically correct. They are interested in the most efficient solutions possible, and will listen to anyone who has something useful to teach them, while disregarding any authority or customary procedure that wastes time and resources.
Rationals have an insatiable hunger to accomplish their goals and will work tirelessly on any project they have set their mind to. They are rigorously logical and fiercely independent in their thinking--are indeed skeptical of all ideas, even their own--and they believe they can overcome any obstacle with their will power. Often they are seen as cold and distant, but this is really the absorbed concentration they give to whatever problem they're working on. Whether designing a skyscraper or an experiment, developing a theory or a prototype technology, building an aircraft, a corporation, or a strategic alliance, Rationals value intelligence, in themselves and others, and they pride themselves on the ingenuity they bring to their problem solving.
Rationals are very scarce, comprising as little as 5 to 10 percent of the population. But because of their drive to unlock the secrets of nature, and to develop new technologies, they have done much to shape our world.
I took this test thing and this is what I am. Haha. But jess, I am so sorry man. I havn’t been online in oh I don’t know ages. But I’ll call you when I get the chance to take a chill with you. Sorry. I do exist thou. The poem was sweet, very sweet, and very cool. Dude, I shall talk to you later and put a real post up later. Right now no time. Late.

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Ramblings of the Christmas Season
Friday. 12.24.04 4:01 pm
I've got it.

I'll move to England. London. Wales. Somewhere. I'll meet a cute intelligent kid with an accent who will argue and curse at me, while buying me roses and treating me like a lady. We'll live together but never marry. I'll practice medicine, or climb the corprate ladder while he makes art, or music, or books. We'll live in a london flat, have sex on the roof, and be eclectic together. there will be candles and deftones. He reads good books, palahunik but also shakespeare. He likes reggae and the eagles. I'll smoke french cigarettes and he'll only have marbarol reds. he has green or blue eyes but black hair. We'll travel europe, see greece, experience italy, and kiss in front of the mona lisa. we'll have one kid. boy or girl, i don't mind. he can choose. he hates pork, loves beef, enjoys fish, and cant get enough vegetables.He'll drink hard liquior but never beer. maybe the occasional guiness. and he loves wine. but doesn't get drunk. ever. We'll get in huge fights, throw things, break glasses, pass words, then have sex. he likes to bite but's sweet about it. Morally upstanding, of course, but has a dark humor. Makes me laugh and keeps conversation going. He'll put up with all of my shit including the dancing in the car, the screaming to led zeppelin, and crying to chick flicks. He's insecure, screws up sometimes, and argues like shit with me. When he's depressed i'll make him laugh and when i'm dark and moody he'll put a clown suit on for me. he'll teach me how to play the guitar and i'll let him sing my poetry. then we'll die young, in a plane crash, having sex of course.


My dream dude/ life. Hah, whoa, that is incredibly unlikely. but i felt like being a bit impractical at the moment. Hah, but actually, i've met some kids who meet alot of these qualities its just never all there. i've progressed. alot. from past kids i've played with to now. yea, progression is a good thing. i think in college i can find some cool sophisticated cat who i can dance with. It'll be fun.

I'm in a crazy mood. sick, tired, and stuffed up, an odd deliruim is taking over.

Acoustic music. sing in my ears and laugh together till the moon is up so maybe for a second we'll forget the ghosts are haunting us, maybe we'll see the angels, they'll sprinkle their magic dust on us and our make believe will only be reality.

i know he's coming. they're all coming. everyone of them. what am i suppose to do? be a bitch and say no? of course not. but. i don't know. i missed him so terribly. ok i'm thinking of only me. yeah. i know that too. So, my pop is coming in town with the lot of them. My grandma, my uncle his wife and baby, and my dads girlfriend. my parents think it'll be awkward for them to come to the house so i'm meeting them at block buster tommorow. then we're going to lunch. WHOA i'm seeing my pop. and the rest of them. weird. my grandpa didn't want to come, typical. but anyways. i don't know. "tired and underprepared but i'll wait for it" i don't want to think about it. not them. not now. guilt's too much.




so there are people in my house. and incredibly plethra of people who come in and out day and night. ok, small exageration but i don't do well when there are people in my house. yep, i don't do well. i like routine, peppermint tea, and quiet. yeah i'm out of all three. i feel like going to look out or shiloh. shiloh i can't stand anymore. well. there are WAY too many people who know about it. it's deeply contaminated. but the bridge there isn't. so maybe i'll go there. but i'm not getting a day off for quite a while. well till monday. family. they're really good people. but people nonetheless.



don't listen to a word of my ramblings. i think the deliruim is setting in. how nice. quite lovely.

da na na. da na na na na na na..

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Deviant Art
Sunday. 12.19.04 12:43 pm
Ready for Dev Art to go back up. wrote a poem a couple days ago. b4 exams. heres what came out.



The crimson's spotting my vision, the worlds dividing in deep division. Are we losing the sense of what we are, are we able to see beyond the stars? I'm not comprehending, i'm not understanding, whats it going to, how can you be so cruel. Lets dance the night away as i sing words you'd never say. Whats a girl to do when the muse is driving you to laugh and scream as life would seem, lets lay tonight along the stars to sight, lets kiss tonight to make them jelous with fright. say two years from now, say it anyhow. lets go away lets run today, lets be the ones blinded by the sun. The icy chill has set, and memories of an unwanted get. The frost is laughing about, dancing and crazy with doubt. Don't let the imagination run too far, the suns setting get in the car. We'll turn the music up and drive till the moon is up. Lets go now, lets cruise now, lets let the magic do the stars. Time to run away, so close yet, far.



and that whole thing jess. yeah. had dinner with the fam, cool convo with my grandma of all people. and am over it. haha, took me a couple hours but i'm good. lol. ok. more later.

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