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Friday. 3.30.07 5:57 am
This is "Feels Like Tonight" by Chris Daughtry.
I don't like him. I can't help that I don't. I probably never will. And it's not just because she likes him. It's because he doesn't deserve her as a friend. He's lazy, inconsiderate, anti-social, and he has absolutely no ambition except to spend the rest of his life mooching off of his parents. And she cares about him. He's never done anything for her except talk to her and be a mediocre employee. But she can't see any of his faults. She has no problem seeing mine, but when it comes to him all she sees is that he's her friend. And it pisses me off.
I honestly think that's the root of why it bothers me so much that she cares about him. Is because it doesn't seem fair. I know that I can't always be the only person she spends time with, but at the very least if she's going to be splitting our time together the least she could do is pick someone who actually deserves and appreciates her attention.
I mean he called her at 2am the other night. What if she'd been sleeping? He didn't even stop to think about that. He was just bored and wanted to talk to her. I honestly think he's beginning to have feelings for her. I mean he just started getting over this girl that he was in love with, and Jenn was always there talking to him about it. And she just doesn't see it. And of course he has no idea that she's in a relationship with someone, which would totally change the situation, because that's just how guys are.
And half the time even when I seem angry about it, most of the time it's just because it hurts so much everytime she makes me feel like he's more important than I am. And I know it doesn't happen that often, but why does it have to happen at all? I mean I was here first. If he were some friend she's known longer than me I wouldn't be as upset by this. But she's only known him for like 6 months and he's not even that great of a friend to her. It's just not fucking fair. And it hurts so much and it makes me hate myself for being so stupid. But I can't help it.
God I hope things are different in Vegas. I wish we could just go and put Jamison behind us. I know it won't be just me and her for very long, but it'll still be better than here. I just can't handle having it right here in front of me. It's just too much.
I just needed to vent. It's late and I'm a little tired, which is never a good thing for my mood.
New Music; Minor update
Monday. 3.26.07 10:23 am
New music, but not much else to report. This is "Home" by Chris Daughtry. Screw American Idol. With the exception of Kelly Clarkson, this guy makes all the other winners look like karaoke singers.
Jenn and I are both getting excited about the prospect of moving. I myself am trying not to get too excited, because it could still end up being another 6 months or so, and I'm not a patient person. But it's still nice to see her so excited, and it's fun looking at apartments and talking about the future.
The only thing looming on the horizon now is the fact that, when the time comes for us to move, because of how complicated everything is (ie, her parents not knowing about us) I probably won't get to see her for a month when it all goes down. She'll have to move back to Vegas with her parents and start looking for a condo and a job, and I have to stay here and wait until everything gets settled before she can come get me. It's going to suck ass. I can barely stand being away from her for a couple of days much less a couple weeks or a month. It'll be awful.
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