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welcome to my mind ...

The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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12 hour shifts UFN
Sunday. 4.20.14 6:21 pm
Until further notice {UFN} I will most likely be working 12 hour shifts on Sundays. Which, money-wise is cool, but working that many hours in a row is a kind of shit. Thanks to the stupid high turnover rate of contract security, we're about to go through another wave so there will be quite a bit of overtime available. I may pick up another 4 hours here or there, depending on the specifics of each shift. Obviously, if it falls on a day when I work the other job, despite the fact that getting twice as much money an hour for far less taxing work is fantastic, I can't call off my Sam's job too often or I'll end up completely losing that one.

The shift today wasn't horrible. It was just ridiculous about how things happened. I called on Thursday to see if the shift was open and I was told it had already been filled. So I made plans for today. When we called earlier this morning to find out who was going to cover the shift, we were told one of the managers, which was odd, and I was completely correct in being skeptical. So later in the shift, we called, again, to find out who was covering what and I was informed that I was covering part of the shift. I kind of freaked out a little and asked when this was determined. Apparently me checking to see if the shift was covered was indication that I wanted part of it so, on my day off and without notice, my name was placed to cover the first 4 hours. Complete bullshit!

Needless to say, I was pretty pissed about it. I mean, yeah, the money is cool, but this is the 4th time I've had to bail on Jacob. Only once was my own doing. I felt really bad about having to cancel our plans, again, but luckily he understands how this shit works out. If I didn't need this job, I would have walked off the site. Once I get back from Texas, I'll be actively looking for another job. I'd look now, but getting hired somewhere just to tell them that I'll be needing 10 days off at the end of May tends to look bad.

Anywho, nothing new has come up since the last entry. I hung out with a friend on Friday evening. We ate at Red Robin and wandered around Pacific Place. I bought my first strapless bra, which is not exactly the most comfortable thing in the world, but it'll suffice for all future strapless outfits that I may/may not end up wearing. It's always good to have at least one for your outfits. The catch is that I will not be able to wear anything light-colored, since it's a black bra. Oh well. I'm not very good with lighter colors anyway.

There's some things I need to buy before I go to Texas ... such as pretty much an entire summer wardrobe: shorts, tank tops, camis, shorts/capris. Perhaps a new pair of flip flops, since the ones I have are a few years old. They're still in pretty good condition, but that's mostly because I got them just before I moved to Seattle and have yet to wear them much since moving here. In Vegas, they were utilized quite a bit more. This shopping endeavor will have to occur sometime next month, however, as the next paycheck will have to go toward rent.

Anywho, I think that's it for now. I'm gonna chill out a little bit before I get on Skype for a couple hours.

Until next time. . .

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That was unexpected
Monday. 4.14.14 2:48 pm
I had a panic attack last night. It's the first one I've had in a long while. Probably a good year and a half since the last one, when I found out my insurance was changing and I was going to have to stop seeing my therapist. Except ... that was an obvious reason for the panic attack. The one last night, I believe, was triggered by something completely different.

For the first time in my life, that I can remember, I'm happy. Like, actually content with how things are in my life. Obviously my life is nowhere near perfect; hell, does anyone truly have the 'perfect' life? What exactly is 'perfect?' It's different for everyone so that becomes a null and void argument. . . I digress.

Anywho, I think because I've never felt this way before, it actually scared me to the point where I freaked out. My coworker said that it's a legitimate fear, to be afraid of losing something this good and having to go back to where I was before. I'm finally caught up on all my finances and am catching up on paying off my debt. I'm in a place that finally feels like home; even if it's not the abode I want to stay in forever, the city in which I reside is a great place. I have a wonderful man in my life and, despite the distance between us, what we have is more than what some couples have even when they live together.

After 20 minutes of talking with my sister and trying to calm down, I gave in and called Vance. I didn't want to because I knew it was late and he had to be up early for work, but he was exactly what I needed. It still took me a bit to calm down. If you've never experienced a panic attack, they're not easily deterred. But the fact that he remained calm throughout and was there for me at one of my weakest moments solidifies my security in our relationship just that much more. It proves to me that we're a damn good couple and we're really in this for the long run.

I'm really hoping that since I got that out of my system, it's a good year or more before I have another panic attack, but you never know what can trigger them. As I found out last night, it could literally be anything, good or bad.

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Bugs vs. seeds
Friday. 4.11.14 9:55 am
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Weight off my shoulders
Friday. 4.4.14 6:38 pm
I hadn't yet told Jacob about me and Vance because I was afraid of how he would react. We were supposed to go out for lunch yesterday, but he wasn't feeling well so we rescheduled. However, I didn't want to wait another week to talk to him about it because I knew it would bug me, so I called him and explained the situation. He took it a lot better than I thought he would. It's such a huge relief knowing that I can talk openly about it with him. We've known each other for 6 years and he still means a great deal to me. He told me today that I'm like family to him and I would have to agree. That's a great way to describe the friendship we have now.

I've nearly completely recovered from my ridiculous cold. I still have some residual symptoms, but that's not surprising. It doesn't take much for me to get a cough and when I'm sick it just amplifies it. Damn post nasal drip ... I'm sure there's some kind of surgery I can get to fix it, but it's not worth it. I can handle having a cough every few months.

The weather always seems to be really nice on Friday. The one day that I want to stay inside and enjoy the fact that I don't have to do anything or go anywhere. It's slightly conflicting, though, since I'm still not a huge fan of the sun. I'm getting more used to the idea of it being associated with nice days, but it's bright and hot. I wonder what this summer will bring in the way of hotness. Although, after my trip to San Antonio, I may come back really thankful for the tame Seattle summer.

So I tried this new laundry detergent and, for the first time ever, tried a fabric softener. Oh man! Change isn't entirely bad, apparently. The Tide pods work a lot better than the All pods; and the Downy Unstoppables? Man that stuff smells good! It's especially useful for the stuff that doesn't get thrown in to the dryer, such as lacy stuff and bras. I would definitely recommend that stuff. There's a bunch of different scents and the ocean stuff from Tide with the fresh scent from Downy mixes really well together. I can't vouch for the other scents. But if any of you have tried any of them, please let me know!

Yeah. . . I've been lost in the music that I'm listening to. Usually I'm pretty good at focusing through it, but I guess I just don't have much to write about. Nothing too interesting has happened since my last post that would be worth writing about. There's been a couple shit days at work, both of them, but after ranting about it to numerous individuals, I pretty much got it all out of my system.

Anywho, I know you can't tell, but there's been chunks of time in between each of the last two sections. So I'm done with this one. Perhaps the next one will be more exciting.

Until then. . .

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Sunday. 3.23.14 9:51 pm
In 60 days, I'll be in San Antonio, Texas, having the time of my life. It's going to be an intense and incredibly relaxing week all simultaneously. I purchased my plane ticket today and it made me rather giddy for a short period of time. It's something that I've been excited about for a while now, but securing the trip just makes it even more real. I'm fairly certain, despite being happy for me, my coworker was getting tired of hearing me talk about the trip. He's only had to listen to my antics for ever now. But that's what friends are for.

I am finally on the tail end of this ridiculous cold that I swear was trying to kill my faith in my immune system's awesomeness that it once had. It's going to take a while for me to build my trust back up with it. I still have to blow my nose a bunch of times each day and my throat is still a little sore. I woke up from my nap earlier choking on a dry spot so that was fun ... I can't wait for that to be done and over with so that I can be back to normal.

My coworker and I went to the dog park on Friday. It was the pup's first time at the dog park and he did fairly well. We were only there for an hour or so. I was still feeling under the weather so I didn't do a whole lot of running around. My friend did, though. Him and his girlfriend took their dog back to the park again yesterday and ran him for a solid couple hours, which wore him the hell out. With it having been so nice here lately, it's nearly perfect weather for going out to the park. Hopefully the next time I go back with them, I'll have recovered fully and am able to run around with them.

Work yesterday pretty much sucked, but that was mostly because I closed. I'm not used to closing on a Saturday so I felt like I was rushed when I got home, since I had to be up for work this morning. The next two Saturday's, though, I'm off early enough that I can have time to relax a bit before going to bed.

My friend and I went to see The Lego Movie this afternoon. It was pretty damn funny. I wasn't expecting the twist to the story, which I guess is the point, but still. We had some time to kill in between the time we got to the mall and the start of the movie so we wandered around. We bought some more stuff at Victoria's Secret. They were having a deal on undies and perfume so I got some of each. With the instant discounts and the $15 gift card that I had, I got out of there with 7 pairs of undies and a bottle of body mist for less than $20. It was pretty awesome. We walked over to Target so that I could buy a couple more bras. For once, they were stocked on the kind I like so I was able to buy more variety. Who knew that a front hook bra would be so comfortable?

All in all it was a rather pleasant weekend. I don't get any face time with my man tonight, but it's probably for the best. He'd not be happy to find out that after staying on later than we should have last night, again, I slept through my alarm ... again. I really, really need to work on self control, but when I'm talking with him, time just evaporates. The distance really does suck sometimes, but it forces us to connect in other ways and it makes things stay at a steady pace. Which I definitely appreciate right now.

Anywho, I guess that's it for now. The Tylenol is starting to kick in and I should probably take advantage of the fact that I can be in bed before 11.

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Now what?
Thursday. 3.20.14 7:43 pm
I haven't missed this much work from being sick in a really long time ... it seriously sucks. My next paycheck from each of my jobs is going to be all kinds of messed up. The check from the regular job won't be short at all because I have sick time, but the one from Sam's will only have 4 hours on one week. Oh well. I needed to stay home and recuperate.

However, this recuperation only seems to be taking tiny steps. Once one thing improves, something else starts bothering me. At this point in time, it's my damn throat. I'm almost 100% positive that it's sore from the nasal drip, but it wasn't sore this whole time! Go figure that it would wait until I started feeling better in every other aspect before it hit. Now I'll probably lose my voice. I'll be feeling better, but I can't express it. Fantastic.

Also, my right ear won't pop. Another issue I have yet to experience until just today. Ugh!

Luckily, despite the fact that tomorrow is payday, I really don't have any errands to run. I have two bills to pay, both of which will take all of 30 seconds each to submit. One of which I can do from my phone. Glasses not even needed. I will have to get quarters at some point before the bank closes. I also have to pay for a wrap that I got today and I need to drop something off at work that was mistakenly mailed to me. Other than that, I will be lounging at home, seriously hoping that I get better soon.

Regardless of how I feel {unless I'm dying, of course} I will be working my 8 hour shift at Sam's on Saturday. I will have to get up in the morning to do laundry beforehand, but I'll still be able to sleep in until 8. Then back to my regular schedule on Sunday.

I have tentative plans for tomorrow afternoon, but they may not happen. Whether on my account or theirs, I'll have to wait and see what happens. My fingers are tightly crossed that I don't feel like shit tomorrow. I've gone from wanting to cut my nose off to wanting to rip my throat out. I'll say it again, just for emphasis. . . {there's no 'ugh' smilie, so that'll have to suffice.}

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