So my family left for 4th of July. I didn't go with them to see fireworks because I was tired.

The high humidity tonight brought a bunch of huge cockroaches into the house. I've killed three of them so far, but there are at least three more. T_T Just in this room, too. I haven't checked the rest of the house...

J was keeping me company for a little while.

Me: I have goosebumps from fear right now T_T
J: You've received a package from J1991!
J: Press [OK] to recieve "Potion of Courage."
Me: T_T
Me: I don't know how many there are
Me: This is just making me think about my dad's story about how a roach flew into his fly
J: hahahahaha
J: well, not to breed fear or anything, but in my experience, there are always 5-10 more than you think
Me: T_________T
Me: JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ saaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeeeee
J: i wish i could T-T

My family came home and started getting more of the roaches. There were some so big that they scared my dad, which just made me more afraid, and I ended up crying from fear.

---

In less panicky news, I Skyped with J for uhhh... close to nine hours yesterday. .__. We started around 6:30 PM my time and ended around 3:30 AM. I was feeling sad earlier in the day, but I felt a lot better during/after the videochat. The call dropped a few times, but I think it's the longest I've ever Skyped with someone... It didn't feel like that long, though.

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I felt off today, but this made me laugh, at least for a moment:

Me: It's hard to pinpoint quite how I feel right now, but it's maybe a touch melancholic?
J: do you know what you feel melancholic over? :\
Me: Not really. I kind of just want to lie down and do nothing. :|
Me: But I'm on the rebounder because maybe exercise will help?
J: but just in case
J: *gets scented candles*
J: *dims lights*
J: *turns your music up*
J: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO THROW WET TOWEL ON YOUR FACE OR NO?
J: WILL WET TOWEL HELP
J: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THESE THINGS BUT I FEEL LIKE WET TOWEL MAYBE HELPS
Me: Hahaha
J: DO YOU NEED CUCUMBER EYEBALLS
J: I CAN GET YOU CUCUMBER EYEBALLS IF YOU WANT
J: xD
J: oh man i wish there was a place that rented out baby bunnies
J: so i could like
J: unleash a hoard in a room with a sad person in it
J: and then take them back when done

I forgot I was supposed to be writing something every day for writing group. Whoops. I started today, so I'll have about a week's worth of stuff by the time the meeting rolls around, if everything goes according to plan. The prompt was to write something for at least three days though, so... this is still meeting the goal.

The other night, before the thing with my brother happened, I was feeling nice... We'd gotten a big watermelon for cheap from the grocery store, and when we got home, my uncle cut up most of it and juiced it. He freezes the juice in Ziploc bags, then blends them later to make watermelon smoothies. While he was cutting it, I was hanging out there in the kitchen and chatting with him, and eating the bits of melon left on the rinds. I like the white part of the rind, because it's crisp and isn't overly sweet. It tastes kind of like cucumber. My dad says that when I was a toddler I would eat the rind down to the green part. After my uncle had finished cutting the watermelon into medium sized chunks, he filled the pitcher of the Vitamix with them and blended them into juice, and I held open a bag for him to pour it into. There was something very simple and comforting about preparing the watermelon. It felt like such a small thing, but it was the kind of unremarkable activity that I often daydream about. Just a gentle, every day kind of activity shared with good company. It's something I want to remember.

Good things for today:
-There was leftover spinach and garlic pizza from my favorite pizza place, so I ate that for dinner. It was cold, but it still tasted good.
-I have a big bug bit on my leg, and it's super itchy, but my uncle has this can of stuff called Biofreeze that's supposed to be for pain relief, but works for itching too. It's essentially a menthol spray, but it feels really nice.
-The speaker system for the middle floor TV is fairly good quality, and I spent a few hours listening to Jens Lekman on the Soundcloud add-on for Kodi on the TV. It sounded a lot better than it does through my mom's laptop or my tablet.

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Okay so I was typing up this whole entry and I accidentally refreshed the page and lost it and I don't want to write it again, I just want to bang my head against the wall.

I WAS gonna talk about being sleepy this morning and thinking pears were funny and how I went out to dinner last night and bet my cousin Ryan he wouldn't eat his whole meal (garnish included) for $2 and he did anyway, so I paid him in change. NO DETAILS BECAUSE THE PAGE REFRESHED. >:C

Today I slept in (although I woke up a number of times) until 2 PM...

My brother is telling me about how insulted he is that only girls who "eat their boogers" like him. "Do you know how insulted I am that they think I'm in the same league as them?"

---Four hours later---

We had a very heated debate (I keep wanting to call it a discussion, but he was clearly in it to win it) about a variety of things, including his... dislike of what he considers feminism's goals to be. I don't want to go into detail about it, but it was a stressful conversation to have, and he was super aggressive and was just... in fighting mode the entire time. I was just trying to type up a blog entry and he came and started ranting to me about stuff and then it turned into this big thing. T_T My uncle came and talked to us both about things at some point, which was such a relief to me. He's gone to bed now, but I think I'm going to privately thank him in the morning. I was frustrated to the point of crying, which tends to happen when I get stuck in an aggressive debate with someone (as is the case with my brother...). >.> After my uncle stepped in though, things calmed down a lot, and my brother was much quieter. I'm not sure how much he absorbed of what my uncle said, but I felt better, at least...

It's almost 4:30 AM now and I'm super tired, but I really just wanted to finish this entry before my mom comes and takes her laptop back in the morning. T_T

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Not too much happened today, but we visited Padovani's Chocolates in the Dole Cannery. It's a pretty upscale chocolaterie, although it's not super fancy looking inside. I think they focus more on the ingredients than the decor. The owner talked to my mom and me a lot about his process and the ingredients he uses, and he also showed us some of his custom-made magnetic gift boxes for the chocolate. There were some really pretty tiered ones that spread out into separate layers when you open the box, and... I didn't get a picture of them, whoops, haha.

The owner looked at me when he was showing us the boxes and said, "Tell your boyfriend, 'get me this one', and if he doesn't, you say "you're sleeping in the doghouse tonight!'" I laughed, but it was weird to think about actually doing it. I don't care enough to get upset over things like that, and I don't really understand the kind of relationship dynamic you'd need to have in order to be able to get away with something like that, anyway. It just seems so alien. o_o

I got a chocolate mousse from there though, and it was super yummy. *__* I can't decide how it compares to the pot de creme I love so much from Dolce Bella, but it was definitely enjoyable.

Today was a good day, and I felt good. ^__^

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I feel really good today. It's a nice, relaxed, mellow happiness.

Skyped with J for like three hours last night, and then a bit more this morning, haha. I don't think I've ever Skyped with anyone so much before.

Have also been listening to this song a lot today:

"Forest (Single 2015)" by ColoreSantos.


I fell asleep listening to Jens Lekman's Postcards playlist last night, and when I woke up, Soundcloud was going through different songs I didn't know, and that was one of them. I haven't listened to that much shoegaze, but I'm really enjoying this song right now. Was just lying in bed earlier, listening to this song and talking to J and blissing out. @.@

"Postcard #3" by Jens Lekman.


Guess I'm just in the mood for laid back music today. I've been chatting with J pretty much all day except for the few hours we were sleeping, and we just finished watching Lilo and Stitch. Ahhhhhh. ^__^

Last night I went for a walk outside. It was pretty much the perfect temperature, not hold or cold at all, just absolutely comfortable. It was quiet, and the moon was bright, but it was hidden behind a thin layer of white clouds, and some darker, heavier clouds were moving closer to it. Right after I got home, just when I got back to my room, it started raining outside. I had good timing. o.o Maybe I'll go for another walk tonight...

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It's 1 AM right now, and it's raining hard outside. All the windows in my room are open, and I can hear the water coming down and smell that lush scent of wet earth the rain always brings. I wish someone was here to share this with me, but then again, maybe I wouldn't be able to experience it as fully if there was a person taking up some of my focus. I guess that's how it tends to go with these moments of deep appreciation. It's very difficult to share them fully.

Tonight (Thursday) I got to voicechat with J for around an hour and a half. :) Videochat didn't work very well because we both had connections that weren't great. Still, it was fun. Hardly any lag compared to a normal Skype call, too. Ahh, nice things.

---Edit---

I was looking through my pictures on Facebook and realized I had another dream about her last night. Always variations of the same thing-- we reconnect, it's like nothing has changed, like it's only been a day instead of six years. And I tell her I missed her and I'm glad to see her again, but there's no crying or intensely emotional reaction. We just continue as we were, and everything I felt in between just fades away. I wonder how many other dreams I've had about her that I just don't remember now?

---

Matt and his friend invited me to go to the Bon dance tonight, which I've never been to before. I haven't met his friend, either, but we're all going hiking on Kuli'ou'ou tomorrow. Can't remember if I've done that trail before, but I know that they haven't. My ankles are a bit sore from hiking Kokohead yesterday, so I hope they feel better by the time I hike tomorrow... >.>

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