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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Let me down
Thursday, April 25, 2013
I think I was dying to say this to my friend "You let me down."

I was in his house for an assignment. He was very nice to help me out for free using his professional programs to create a music background for me.

I know I'm being finicky, and I know I'm not supposed to demand of him to make a song on the spot for me.

But I cannot deny the fact that I felt very disappointed in him. There are facts I cannot disclose here, but I was so disappointed in him that afternoon that I just poured my mind thoughts out loud on him.

It was not fair but I cannot help it given that I have provided him some assistance to stand on his two feet to be successful.

I looked at him from behind and ponder why would someone as talented as him would waste his youth on eating and sleeping at home? He is a talented musician. If I were him I would try to explore the world creating music to earn passive income, then I would eat and sleep at home wisely.

His father came into the room and tried to talk to me to reason with him. My heart bled for him... watching his own son wasting his life... and breaking his mother's heart.

What happened to the guy who declared that he will try his best to be an indi artist in two years time? And then only find a girlfriend?

What happened? I can feel his father's heart break. I feel mine too. Am I not another version like him? Wasting my youth on doing something I don't know what I'm supposed to do in life? My compass is konked out. That's what I always tell myself... is that true or is just some diversion from the truth?

Anyways, enjoy this new age song.

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Disappointment in coke
Sunday, April 21, 2013
This is such a let down.

Beni Arashiro is my new favourite Japanese artist. Her debut under a new label has mapped her on the charts and I have been looking forward to her new singles since her single Kiss Kiss Kiss was released.

Her new song is such a let down.

And it's used for Coke ad. And her costume looked so inappropriate in the video.

Beni, it's time for some upbeat song!!!

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Saturday, April 20, 2013
I have been listening to Jpop for almost a decade and I realised I'm looking for some fresh new voice not the same old 'sound' by the predecessors whenever I listen to new comers in the market.

Or I totally need to listen to a new genre

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Past life
Friday. 4.19.13 1:30 pm
I had a past life regression meditation.

I was expecting myself to cry, scream or cringe with horror as I thought I would be overwhelmed with things I didn't want to see.

On the contrary, I had the most pleasant memory among all my friends.

The facilitator guided us to a door with handle, but mine is without a handle just a sliding door. And so I pushed into a garden. The door was covered in bricks now. I walked on the pebbles path and found myself in a small cottage. I was in a white costume. Sometimes it's a costume like what Tsunade from Naruto wears, sometimes it's the normal Victorian era white costume like the nurse's costume. I was doing nothing. I could breathe in the clay - that warm feeling in a cottage that dinner is served. I was also watching out at the window... I asked if there's a book to read or what was I looking at, but there was no reply.

I find it boring and then I felt myself walking on a path again. This time I was holding a daisy and smelling it like a silly girl... smiling from ear to ear while walking... Then I passed an entrance-like on a bridge with some lamp post. I felt like I was in an old English city... but I was alone.

All I felt was peace. There was no worry or even loneliness. I was very comfortable with myself.

In the midst of my journey, I also felt myself being sucked into a tunnel where there were grey bricks in front of me. I was scared and could feel the scream tightening in my chest, hence I retraced back to the cottage. I didn't want to see anything unpleasant. This happened twice. The second time was while walking with the daisy, I could feel there was another path and for a heart beat my curiosity wanted to take that, but somehow was prevented. That path was grey, no plants growing at all and looks very dull...

Anyways... and then I returned to the cottage... sitting... and then somehow ... I feel boring again... and also because I was so hot til I cannot breathe that I tried to imagine I there was cold air... or rather I asked the angels to blow me some cool air... And then... I found myself floating in the air with the sunset rays!!! I felt like I was one with the universe!

It was so comfortable that I went into snoozing mode.


So long until I was nudged by a voice waking me up. I woke up... and everyone was looking at me.


I had the most peaceful sleeping expression and my friend dare not nudge me. But I found her in tears...

Everyone shared their experience. And they remembered how they died!

So dramatic! And I kept wondering if my regression was a success or failure.

Anyways... the key - I think - to my peaceful sleep was I requested for assistance in protecting and guiding me to happy moments. I wonder if that cottage is where I wait to be reborn...

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The scare
Monday, April 15, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Sunday, April 14, 2013
Have you guys heard of chia seeds? If yes, did you guys know chia seeds have a lot of grades?

I was recently introduced to an ultimate grade of chia seeds. My introducer was trying to help me to address my backache and I agreed to try it out. There is a regime I have to follow and I did.

It turned out to be horrible. I vomited three times and I didn't have any food in my body for the past 24 hours. I vomited whatever I ate including plain broth.

I called up my introducer because I could not survive another day with such severe gastritis. Actually I just wanna stop the whole regime...

The introducer reduced my dosage to a teaspoon for the next day and I was feeling so much better... after that.

I was so tired with all those toilet visiting... that I freaked out all my colleagues in the office. And yes, the puking took place in the office twice... and the toilet floor...

That I slept like a baby. I asked not to have a nightmare, but I dreamed of a friend who molested me 2 years ago telling me that the girl who banned and deleted me off FB has gone to England to study. Oh. Nice. Is that true? I wanna call him up for verification, but I don't want to give him another chance to think I can't live without a man...

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