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WHY I'M UP RIGHT NOW
Monday. 12.12.11 1:21 am

...NO IDEA.






I was hospitalized, the other day. Dehydration, mostly. That night, when I woke up in my own bed after a car ride back and a completely-forgotten walk up to my dorm, I started feeling all the stress of my mishap and essentially went on a texting spree. No one made me feel all the way better, not even the people I'd hoped would elicit an emotional response.

So I texted someone I especially didn't want to tell. He'd taken a trip with friends, a few years ago, and I'd decided, before he left, to give him a hug and say nothing of the MRI I was scheduled for. He HATED that I didn't tell him, before he left.

I just didn't want him brooding in a corner when he was supposed to be having fun. Instead, I took to the brooding corner enough for both of us. I didn't tell him until a week later, and he gave me all the hugs I wanted, for a while, because he knew I was just stupid and scared.

So...again I get into a zone of physical danger, AND AGAIN I SAY NOTHING.

AND THEN I HAVE TO TEXT HIM BECAUSE I KNOW HE'S THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNOWS HOW TO TALK ME DOWN. Something about a hick accent...hehehehehehe.

Essentially, I texted him asking if he could talk for ten minutes. Without texting back, he called me and talked to me.

Well. Kind of chastised me, actually, for the first five minutes, while I was still crying a little. He told me that I should have told him, blah blah blah, and that he would have driven down, had he known.

What?

That's three hours, you beautiful man, you.

He played it down and made me feel like I could and should totally ask him to drive down if I need him...which...I mean, usually I would be like, Yeah yeah, really modest, you're so cool, EXCEPT YOU'RE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WOULD NEVER ASK SO YOU CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF--

Except I know he would get in his car and drive, if I ever called him and told him I needed him.

I want to do that thing where you gently pat the side of someone's face because that's exactly how awesome that person is--TOTALLY UNINTENTIONALLY--and how much you just want to hug that person.

I can't explain how nice it was to have someone say all the right things. Nothing guarded, nothing for show, nothing selfish, nothing half-hearted. He told me he was glad I'm okay and to call, if there's ever a next time. Well. He said more than that, but nothing I'm terribly interested in sharing.


Nothing else is new, really. :] It's just nice to know that, after six years, some things never, ever change.

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activity vomit
Saturday. 11.26.11 9:36 pm

OKAY HI EVERYONE!

Got a job working there constantly only get two days in December to visit home class is fine friends are plentiful opportunities are starting to exist romance blah blah blah applying for a paid internship trying to find a house to rent got a cat naming him Alec Baldwin PS can't stop watching 30 Rock.

ALL RIGHT THEN!

I'LL EDIT THIS IN A COUPLE DAYS, ONCE I GET MYSELF TOGETHER!

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hip to your jive
Friday. 11.11.11 6:23 pm

I'm in a parking garage not far from here, months and months ago. I don't hear anything but our voices and footsteps, as we head towards my now lonely car. It's seven o' clock, and the sidewalks are nearly empty.

My arm is knit into his, as if it has always belonged there, and as if it always will. Despite the slight nip of the weather, outside, it's unusually warm and we're able to hold hands without fumbling around with gloves and other equally awkward barriers. His head turns towards my right temple and I'm perfectly aware that he, inches away, is waiting for me to turn mine and meet his gaze. Still speed-walking towards the vehicle, we tilt our heads and partake in the kiss that still resonates in my mind, every time I walk through a parking garage or watch Jeux D'infants.



I feel the need to explain how this doesn't mean anything at all, really, but honestly I'm just an abstract writer with a wandering mind and the question of how to spend that 11:11 wish, tonight, since this is the one night I'll be making one.

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AAHHHHH
Monday. 11.7.11 11:25 pm

I already know November and December are going to be rough months. Just by what's happened in September and October.


Guys I'm going in for a second interview, tomorrow, and it is so scary. She's going to put me on the floor and see how I do when I'm just thrown into the deep end of sales.

Like...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm so nervous! I've done sales before, and I KNOW how to do it, but being put out there and WATCHED?

I have no trouble approaching people, I have no trouble imagining myself in a sales job, but I have all the trouble in the WORLD when I know I'm being observed! Hopefully it won't be so obvious and it will feel like I'm just working with her.

Oh my goooodnesssss though! I hope I don't choke!


WISH ME LUCK AHHHHHH

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