A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence
"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"
"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation
"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes
"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Think about it
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics
Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Blue Milk Special
Cigarro & Cerveja
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Eat That Toast!
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
The Intrepid Girlbot
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
The League of Evil Genius
Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
The Property of Hate
Robbie and Bobby
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Strong Female Protagonist
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Yellow Peril (PG-13)
Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
The Book of Biff
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing
Meat and Plastic
The Nerds of Paradise
No Reason Comics
One Swoop Fell
Pictures for Sad Children
A Redtail's Dream
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
YU + ME
Pure Flash Awesomeness
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
Clients from Hell
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Best I could do
Thursday, May 26, 2016
I didn't go to the gym today. :( Took a nap instead... It was probably for the best, though. Might have pushed myself too hard on Tuesday, or not eaten enough or something, but somehow my legs were still sore today.
Nice things today:
-The baby slept for over two hours when I was babysitting, so I got to do my own thing for awhile. Last night the baby's mom sent me a video with instructions for how to make the back of the stroller recline (it was so simple, I don't know how I couldn't figure it out before...), and I tried it out today and it worked perfectly. Definitely crediting that with helping the baby sleep longer.
-I got to see Becka and Sean! Becka came over a bit after 8 and we caught up, and then Sean came later and we all chatted and it was a good time. I fiiiiiiiinally got to tell Becka about what happened on April 26th, haha.
Becka told me about a ten day meditation retreat she went on recently. It was a silent retreat, so aside from a bit on the first day, none of the attendees were allowed to speak. She said that it was a little hard at first, and she had all these concerns, but it ended up being a really amazing experience for her, and she became very aware of the sensations and feeling of the present moment. At some point during the conversation I became aware that I felt like I was really there, and I wasn't thinking of anything outside of what she was telling me. Was just 100% listening, which was nice. That's not to say that I'm usually distracted by a bunch of thoughts when I'm trying to listen to someone, but I guess that lately I've just been feeling like I've been 'waiting to speak' more than 'listening', and... I don't want that to become a habit.
"Huggin & Kissin" by Big Black Delta.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Gym time today: 1 hour.
Total this week: 5 hours.
Just did Piloxing today. My legs are sore from yesterday. :(
Feels like I have been doing so much videochatting lately. I did a group videochat with some people from IRC the other night, and then I Skyped with Kyle on Sunday (we were supposed to Skype again tonight, but moved it to Friday). Videochatted with J for two hours tonight... @[email protected] Another friend asked if I'd like to Skype sometime as well, so we're supposed to do that on Friday (probably after I talk to Kyle?).
So much socializing and also not really?? It's really different than just being able to like, walk around with the person or something. It is a nice change of pace, though. I feel like I'm much more eloquent through text, buuuuuuut the tradeoff is being more limited in my expressions.
Oh also, J mostly learned how to play "Riptide" by Vance Joy on the ukulele and he showed me tonight and it was so cool. ^__^ Definitely can't get that through IM.
Minor details from today
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Gym time today: 1 hour.
Total this week: 4 hours.
Cycle was canceled today, so I only did Bootcamp.
I babysat today.
Took the baby to the library in the stroller so she'd nap. This... very round older lady with one of those tall shopping carts came into the area I was sitting in, sat down, sighed very loudly for awhile, and then fell asleep in her chair and started snoring. I'm not sure, but... maybe she was homeless? She didn't grab anything to read. :S
On the way back from the library, I passed a guy who looked pretty normal except for the fact that his left hand was down the front of his pants. He wasn't... moving his hand, though, it was just... there. For... warmth??? :(
Maybe I should make a trip down to southern California this summer to see some people. I could visit Kyle, Mike, some IRC peeps... and others... Not sure how much money such a trip would involve, though. Will have to figure that out.
Derps and pizza
Monday, May 23, 2016
Gym time today: 3 hours.
Total this week: 3 hours.
Pilates, Cycle Fusion, CSI. Blah blah blah gym, okay, you get the gist of it.
I went to this dentist this morning and had a different hygienist than normal (I've been going there since I was 6 and have had the same hygienist almost every single time). I spent the entire time sort of zoned out, trying to remember what my normal hygienist's name was. I knew it started with an M, and I felt pretty certain it ended with an A, but it just wasn't coming to me. Toward the end I figured it out, though. Marsha. Her name is Marsha.
Sean was telling me about this mysterious Tumblr stalker he had for like two hours before they deleted the account they used to ask him one question about a post he made six weeks ago. We're both insanely curious about who it could be. He thinks it must be someone he knows trying to find out about his dating life, because it's very suspicious that they deleted their account when he responded to the question (he wasn't really subtle about it; he straight up said he was suspicious). Anyway, that discussion resulted in me looking at some of his reblogs, which led me to this:
Obnoxious Nickname Generator
Also, he had this reblogged...
Which led to this...
Seriously though, it does look like that. D: Also, he stopped responding to me after that.
Annnnnnnnnnnd I made pizza with random leftovers and things we needed to finish up in the fridge. I took a picture of the whole thing, but it was pretty bad and the colors were all gross and wrong, so... single slice, here we go:
It was not the best pizza I have made, but it was okay. We needed to use up a bunch of goat cheese in the fridge, so I suggested we make pizza. My dad made some dough in the bread machine, then I put together the pizza after I got home from the gym. It's surprisingly easy to make pizza sauce. The recipe I used makes a cup, though, so... I had a lot left after making two pizzas. But umm, I just scrounged through the fridge looking for ingredients and ended up putting mozzarella, Parmesan, smoked gouda, green olives, and kale on the pizza. We have sun-dried tomatoes (I just mistyped that as 'tomaties', which is kind of cute), which I contemplated putting on the second pizza, but... I forgot. My mom made a sad face when I told her. Or uh, well, she looked excited when I started with "I thought I should put sun-dried tomatoes on the second pizza for you" and then transitioned to a sad face when I finished with "...but I didn't." Whoops!
Oh yeah, and this made me laugh tonight:
[5/23/2016 9:49:04 PM] J: i'm trying to figure out which type of gears would be best for this
[5/23/2016 9:49:25 PM] J: probably gonna cost me about 100 but oh well
[5/23/2016 9:49:57 PM] Me: That much, huh?
[5/23/2016 9:50:17 PM] J: could easily be less if i was a smart person, i'm sure
[5/23/2016 9:50:22 PM] J: xD
[5/23/2016 9:50:26 PM] Me: Aw
[5/23/2016 9:50:29 PM] Me: i think u iz smrt
[5/23/2016 9:50:46 PM] J: d'aww youz jist sayin' dat
[5/23/2016 9:50:50 PM] J: alright let's stop
[5/23/2016 9:50:52 PM] J: i have cancer
[5/23/2016 9:50:58 PM] Me: Hahaha
I was able to listen to this tonight without feeling sad.
"I'll Dream Alone" by The Magnetic Fields.
Dreams-- we had a few
But what kind of dream
beats you black and blue?
(Why is Stephin Merritt such a good lyricist?)
Sunday, May 22, 2016
I guess Battered Rose is gone. I didn't even know... It's been awhile since I felt like that much of a fan of Emilie Autumn, though.
Revisiting this song tonight.
"Willow" by Emilie Autumn.
Willow, weep for me
Don't think I don't see
This life I'm living in two
But still it's something I must do
I'm not unique in this
Nor am I special, sweet, or kind
I court a thousand smiles
Yet I keep my own to hide behind
It's cruel I know
At least they tell me so
Well someone lock me up and throw away the key
Because I'm not ashamed, oh no
I videochatted with Kyle tonight (the first of many such appointments, if things go according to plan), and he described me at one point as a "fantastic person," which felt strange. It was in the context of him saying he thought it was sort of disturbing(?) that such a "fantastic person" might be capable of very dark things. I think I've touched on this in previous entries, though. I make a choice to act the way I do, but that doesn't get rid of darker thoughts and desires. Not saying I'm holding back a wave of evil, I mean, I just feel like the capacity is there.
Was feeling kind of down earlier but for some reason feel better now. It's 1:23 AM though and this is a time for sleeping, not for staying up late. I have a dentist appointment in the morning. >.< Also a hospice visit and three gym classes in the evening...
Okay, I lied, I think I do know why I feel better. I just spent a bunch of time making faces at myself in the mirror. >_> Whatever works, right?
Fit things, Maker Faire [6P]
Saturday, May 21, 2016
Piggy-induced sidewalk job offers
Thursday, May 19, 2016
I didn't go to the gym today. :( Was sore from yesterday (squats squats squats) and extremely tired to the point of falling asleep briefly while I was babysitting. >_< So... when I got home I just napped before showering and going to hang out with Alex.
When I took the baby out in the stroller (they got a new one and it glides so smoothly, oh my gosh it was amazing *__*), she took her stuffed pig (aka Piggy), but she dropped it at some point and I didn't notice. She started crying and saying "Piggy!" and then I noticed that she didn't have it, so I was about to turn around and try to find it, but this guy ran up to me with it. I thanked him profusely and he asked if my "daughter" and I lived in the area. I said I was babysitting, and he asked if I wanted to retire doing that. I told him I didn't... then he started talking about how he was the director of finances(?) for his company, and he was looking for a few good people... I was very confused, because I've never been solicited for something like that before just on the street, but I told him I was sorry, but that I was moving in a few months. He said no worries, and then went back to... whatever he was doing.
The dude was professionally dressed, white button up and tie and everything, but it still seemed very strange. I couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to get me into some kind of Vector-like scheme and have me doing kitchen knife demonstrations, haha.
Maker Faire is this weekend! Planning to go with my friends, and it should be a blast. :)
Not much to say today
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Gym time today: 2 hours.
Total this week: 9.5 hours.
Piloxing and something called Pump It today. The second class was like... strength training, I guess? It was sort of easy, or it would have been if my arms weren't already kind of tired from doing other triceps exercises before.
Here's a song I like that the Piloxing instructor plays sometimes.
"Can't Feel The World (The Weeknd X Daft Punk)" by The Hood Internet.
Have kind of been feeling like writing a bit lately. Maybe I'll do that.
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