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New resolve
Thursday. 9.18.14 11:22 pm
I am definitely inebriated. I probably should have waited another hour or so before driving home, but I'm home now and it's too late to go back in time. Just like walking when drunk, I can drive within the lines, even at my normal speed.

Work was uneventful until the very end of the shift. Then it got kind of busy, but whatever. That's kind of how things go there. It wasn't very exciting. Just a typical code. My relief was actually on time; early, in fact, so I was able to leave a good 5 minutes early. It was a nice way to start my weekend.

I came home for about an hour before driving up to pick up my new glasses. I'll start getting used to them tomorrow. . . maybe. I might just wait a couple more weeks. I really like them, but I do still kind of want to wait until my birthday weekend before I get used to them. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. The guy at the eye place said it should only take a few hours to adjust to the new prescription before I'm okay to drive, since it's not that much stronger.

After that I sat in traffic for what was probably an hour before making it to the mall that I've only been to once. I bought some new earrings that I'll definitely take advantage of tomorrow. I met up with my friend and we got drinks and snacks. Both of us had eaten before meeting up so dinner was not really necessary. After that we drove to this country bar that neither of us had been to and got more drinks. It was necessary for me to get out and distract myself.

Distance is necessary in my recovery and I'm standing my ground! This could be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty stuck in what I plan on doing. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. There's errands to run and then like, 5 hours of shows on Hulu to catch up on. Then I have the walk to do on Saturday morning before I figure out what to do with the rest of my day. Then Sunday is back to work.

Alright. I'm making a lot of mistakes and it's a sign that I really need to pass out.

Until tomorrow. . .

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Liberated
Wednesday. 9.17.14 9:46 pm
I'm not longer employed by the Walmart Corporation. I'm sure it'll completely sink in the second week in October, when I go my first week without a paycheck in between the regular checks. It'll sink in next week when I know I don't have to go anywhere after work Tuesday or Wednesday.

Funny enough, I'm actually fairly busy from now until next weekend. I have plans after work tomorrow, errands to run on Friday, plans on Saturday and then back to work Sunday, with plans afterwards. Monday through Thursday I don't have anything going on so I'm probably going to take full advantage and sleep after work each day. Just simply because I now can.

I'm rather annoyed at my current personal situation and it's more because of a gut feeling I'm seriously hoping is wrong, but there's a possibility I'm, at least, somewhat correct. I can't find out yet, though. Perhaps next week. Or the week after. Hey, that'd be one hell of a fucked up birthday present. Finding out that a horrible gut feeling was correct and losing important people from my life.

Maybe I'll wait until after my birthday ... I just have to hope I can quash this feeling long enough to get me through until then.

Anywho, I'm going to try focusing on as much positive as I can over the next couple weeks. Here's to hoping I can keep up the charade.

Until tomorrow. . .

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Oh? Oh. . .
Tuesday. 9.17.14 9:29 pm
That was my manager's reaction when I told him that tomorrow would be my last day. He was given basically a two month notice and with next week being my last scheduled "week" {the whole two days} he shouldn't have been terribly shocked that I wasn't going to come in next week. I guess it just throws him off because that means he has to prepare my exit interview early. Whatever. I gave them 9 months longer than I originally planned. They should be happy that I stayed as long as I did.

It won't affect my income much because it would have been all of 8 hours and after taxes, I'd have gotten maybe $60. So I'll make sure to pack my own lunch for work for a couple weeks until I can figure out how I want to budget everything. The hardest transition will be getting used to only getting a paycheck every other week, rather than the full time job one week and the part time job the next. Still, it'll be awesome not having to deal with late nights with a quick turn around in to the next work day just to do it all over again the next day. It'll also be awesome having my full weekend and the ability to go to bed early if I please.

I'm slowly making plans to fill in my extended birthday weekend. I have plans the first day, Friday and plans the last day, Monday. Now to figure out Saturday and the actual day of. Fuck it. I'm just playing by ear. I know what I want for dinner and where I want to eat and if I'm alone, then so be it. I sure as fuck hope I'm not alone, but whatever. It's my birthday and I'm doing what I want, regardless if I have awesome company or not. {please keep your fingers crossed that I have awesome company}

Anywho, I need to get something to eat while I wait for my hair to dry enough to sleep comfortably. Tomorrow there's an actual chance of rain. . .we'll see how accurate their forecast is.

Until then. . .

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Weight lifted
Monday. 9.15.14 6:38 pm
Oddly enough, really oddly enough, after last night's whole ordeal I'm feeling so much better today. I woke up in a shit mood, but as the day progressed, I thought about it more and I realized that I was okay with my current situation. Despite the circumstances and consequences {he's still talking to me; it's just going to be a few days} I'm currently dealing with, I'm actually okay.

It's a really strange feeling. I guess I didn't realize just how much that was bothering me until after shit hit the fan. It's out in the open now and there's no taking it back. However, I am still pretty damn nervous about the next time we actually see each other cuz who the fuck knows how that's gonna go. I'm hoping for fantastic.

I went and got my SIM card replaced today. I was going to wait until the weekend, but my phone tripped out like 3 times while I was at work so I decided to get it taken care of today. I also finally cleaned the interior of my car windows. Now to hope the rain washes the outside of the windows. Well, I just hope it rains when they say it's supposed to. Come on Wednesday ...

Even after my phone fucking up 3 times, I still was reluctant when I got home to want to go back out in to the hot sun, but after a dream jarred me awake, I said fuck it and went out. I almost don't want to go to sleep tonight for fear of the dream invading my subconscious again, but I have to sleep. Perhaps I'll try out more of the purple stuff. If I allow myself to relax, it's actually rather effective.

Alright, time to kill some time until I have to go to sleep. Both jobs tomorrow. Joy.

Until then. . .

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What have I done?
Sunday. 9.14.14 8:28 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Resisting temptation
Sunday. 9.14.14 4:13 pm
I'm doing it again, but instead of avoiding it became I'm ridiculously depressed and torn apart, I'm doing it to, more or less, test my will power. I will inevitably fail at this current challenge. I might get to about where I did last week, but at least my mood is a little different about it.

I have to look at this from the friend perspective and in thinking about it, I don't like where it's going. At least not right now because I want more from it. This was the first time I'd ever experienced such compassion from another human being toward me and in the very short period of exposure, I became, for lack of a better term, addicted to it. I know it'll get better, but for now, I really don't like it.

I really need to go clean the inside of my car windows, but this ridiculous heat and sun has me cowering inside. I wanted to see how I felt about doing it today after I took a nap, but I woke up, saw that the sun was still shining bright and immediately said, "nope." It's supposed to rain on Wednesday. It sure as fuck can't come soon enough. Since it'll be even hotter and somehow sunnier tomorrow, the windows won't be getting cleaned then either. Then with both jobs taking up my time Tuesday and Wednesday, it looks like the cleaning will just have to wait until Thursday. *shrugs*

Speaking of two jobs, I checked my schedule online and it appears that I will only be working this week and next week, rather than this, next and the week after. October 1st was supposed to be my last day so Tuesday the 30th and Wednesday the 1st was supposed to be my final week. However, in looking at the online scheduled, I'm not on those days. I'll have to confer with the paper schedule printed, but it appears that they finally did cut my hours back like I assumed they'd have done shortly after I gave my notice. I guess calling off for yesterday was kind of the final straw for them. Oops. In my defense, I really wasn't feeling all that well. But bad Chinese food sounds better than cramps.

It'll take some getting used to not having a second income, but I need to work on budgeting anyway and this will be a good, forced way of doing so. I have an appointment on Friday to take affirmative action in getting my credit fixed and now that I'm older and more responsible, I feel like it'll be a good lesson in self control. A good test to see if I'm capable of being a responsible adult and sticking to my guns. I'm determined at the moment so we'll see if it holds up and for how long.

Alright, it's time to find something to kill time. Once it starts being all cold and rainy again, I'll be more tempted to go outside. Or even just below 70. This heat can go fuck itself.

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