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Saturday. 10.11.14 4:54 pm
For those rare moments when just one isn't enough ...

Leave it up to a new pair of glasses to remind you that your face, in fact, is definitely not symmetrical. I know that my facial structure is asymmetrical. Everyone's is. Having something to put on your face and trying to make it 'even' is a fast reminder that if you try to make them line up to your eyes, they'll appear crooked. If you try to line them up to an even horizontal line, they won't line up to your eyes and will then make seeing clearly rather challenging. Now, I like a challenge as much as the next person, but being a visually impaired individual kind of requires me to just have to deal with the annoyance of the fact that they will never be 'even.'

My eyes are still adjusting to the new prescription, but I had my tattoo consult today so I had to venture out. It's not messed up enough that I'm incapable of seeing clearly. It just makes me feel like my vision is a little out of whack, despite being able to see clearly. It may have something to do with the fact that the lenses are different prescriptions, with one being a considerable amount stronger than the other. If it's still like this by the end of the week, I'll go back in and see if they can check the prescription to make sure that the correction to the defective lens didn't affect the prescription as well.

Have you ever seen pictures online of people who have played around with photo editing programs where they take your face and split it exactly down the center, then make each side exactly symmetrical? Where they take the left side of your face and create a mirror image of it as the right side and vice versa? I would actually love to see what my face looks like done that way, just to see how radically different I would look should my face be exactly symmetrical. Now to find someone who has access to that kind of program and is good with it.

The entry prior to this one is only small pieces of a bigger picture. It's not very well put together, but it makes sense to me and that's all that matters. Which is also why it has a password; if you know it feel free to read it, but it could be taken out of context or misconstrued without knowing the whole thought process.

Anywho, back to The Blacklist.

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Gone missing
Saturday. 10.11.14 1:28 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Friday. 10.10.14 5:33 pm
I'm not terribly satisfied with my new glasses. It's been 4 years since the last ones, so I don't remember how long it took for me to adjust to the new prescription. I remember loving the frames, though. I like the look of these ... just not on my face. Everyone else who has seen me with them on thinks they look fine. And I know that they're the type of people who will be blunt about it if they don't look right. I guess we'll see how I feel by next weekend. I don't know exactly what's making me not okay with them, but I'm not feeling the same way I did 4 years ago when I got the other ones.

I didn't go anywhere today. Trying to adjust to these new glasses kept me from wanting to leave. I know that it'll be exactly the same tomorrow, but I have an appointment so I kind of have to go out. I have to do my laundry tomorrow as well, but other than the appointment and making up for the one thing I didn't do today, I will be spending the day inside.

I'm caught up on The Walking Dead. The new season starts Sunday and it appears that I can watch the episodes on the show's website the day after one airs so I'll have to check that out on Monday. I've begun The Blacklist so that'll keep me occupied for at least a week. I'm not sure how much I'll get watched tonight, but the sun hasn't even set yet so I've got some time to kill before I go to sleep. I'm hoping for at least 6 episodes to be completed before bed.

It looks like we might finally be done with the possibility of getting above 70. It only took forever. I'm so ready for the weather to be cold, wet and miserable. I want to go in to work and listen to everyone complain about the weather. It's probably wrong for a small part of me to be satisfied that people are miserable when it's like that, huh?

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Flirting with disaster and maintaining professionalism
Thursday. 10.9.14 4:44 pm
The thing I was hoping to avoid happened today. The wonderful thing about maintaining a certain level of professionalism is that it can get you through most anything. Despite the fact that it made me rather nervous {as I expected} it didn't feel forced, faked or awkward. Bittersweet was the word used to describe how I might have been feeling and I would have to agree that it's the best term to use for that particular situation.

Still, I wish I could have told him how nice it was to be able to hear from him.

The apartment that I was hoping to look at and apply for tomorrow has already been approved for someone else. I guess it was too good to be true. I would have loved that place. The perfect size, location and price. Oh well. And the search continues.

The spot on my arm has grown in size again, but only a little bit. It's not quite the size of a half dollar, but it's getting there. It's bigger than a quarter. Still no itching and a nurse asked today if it was hot to the touch, which it's not any more warm than the rest of my arm. Although, my fingers have been cold all day so that probably doesn't help. I need someone with warm fingers to see if this spot is warm.

I picked up my glasses today. They were ready a bit earlier than I was expecting so I'm going to start wearing them tomorrow. The jog that I was going to go for after work today has been postponed until tomorrow, since I wanted to get the frames before the shop closed. There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with them ... yet. We'll see after I wear them for a bit tomorrow.

I have one thing to do tomorrow, but other than that I'm in for the remainder of the weekend. This is the first week in over a year that I won't be getting a paycheck from Sam's and it's reflecting in my finances. I'm not going to be negative, but I'm going to be strapped for cash until next week when I get paid again. It'll be another short check {thanks to the two days I took off this week} so the credit card to rebuild my credit will have to wait ... again. Oh well. I guess it's probably a good thing I didn't get the chance to apply for that apartment. I probably wouldn't have been approved anyway.

Time to take my hair down and dive in to Netflix for the weekend. Here's to hoping I can actually motivate myself to leave my pod at some point tomorrow.

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Not-so-super glue
Wednesday. 10.8.14 6:01 pm
I can only fake being okay with things for so long before I crack. The ball of hate showed through the cracks yesterday, but I was able to glue some of them together today. I'm not sure how much they'll hold tomorrow, but at least it's the last day in my short week. And I'm *hopefully* working with people who I don't have to feel like I'm babysitting. Professional babysitters get paid more than I do. If I didn't dislike kids so much, I'd go for being a nanny.

There's a spot on my arm and it was about the size of a dime yesterday, but it has since grown to about the size of a quarter. It doesn't itch and there's only pain when there's pressure applied. It kind of looked like a zit, but with the way the spot around it has grown, I'm thinking it might be a spider bite. With the exception of it not itching, that's kind of how I reacted the last couple times I got bit. I guess I'll wait and see if it continues to grow or if it finally shrinks down a little bit. If it gets much bigger, I suppose I'll schedule an appointment with the doc. After the MRI results came back negative, I'm incredibly weary to be going in for something unless it's an emergency.

I told one of my friends today that I'm not going to hold my breath on anything anymore. I'm getting really tired of not being able to breathe. It's my attempt at a joke on a rather serious aspect of my life. I get excited about something only to have it fall through later. Then I find something else to get excited about just to have that fall through as well. I'm tired of falling and choking. So now I'm just this little ball of hate just kind of trying not to explode at the wrong time.

Perhaps now that the contents of my stomach have decided to begin digesting properly, I'll put my new sports bra to good use after work tomorrow.

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Hit or miss
Tuesday. 10.7.14 5:54 pm
Puke one day, fine the next, back to puking the day after. That seems to be the trend lately, so I'm good today, but I should be careful what I consume tomorrow.

My system didn't appreciate the buffet food that I had for lunch yesterday so it expelled it about an hour or two after the entry that I wrote. You ever puke so hard that you couldn't catch your breath? I had so much mucus in my throat and mouth that I could barely inhale. And, of course, when that happens your body causes you to cough, which only gets rid of whatever little air is left in your lungs. I finally forced a dragging breath in between wretches, but it didn't last long before I had a coughing fit again. It finally subsided {obviously; I'm not writing this from the grave} and I was able to get my breathing under control. I guess it was too much to hope for to only have a few puking episodes over a two week period.

I snapped at a few people today. Unintentionally. I just woke up pissed off and it stayed that way throughout the entire shift. I'm having a harder time pretending to be okay with that place. People know that I'm not happy there, because I'm vocal about it, but they usually can't tell other than what I'm telling them. Today, they caught a glimpse of what is really going on. I think even the suicidal patient that we had to watch felt bad for me. How sad is that?

I told my friend that I'm just a big ball of hate today ... sadly, until something gives, I have a feeling it's going to be something that sticks around a bit more than a day.

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