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Memores acti prudentes futuri

Shown to the place you fold
there's nothing to be without it
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Passive Aggressive Notes
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
Ended up being more like a 39 hour long fast, because I waited until after therapy to eat. I went to a little specialty market and bought cajun rubbed cheese curds, an herb ciabatta roll, and a golden plum. Was a nice way to break my fast.

I found that I was not ravenously hungry, but the food was good. Eating was not an encompassing experience the way it sometimes can be, but it was a small highlight of my day.

Maybe I'm just not in the headspace for the kind of experience that releases you from the isolation of individuality into communion with the universe. Trapped in myself for the time being.

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Monday, March 25, 2019
I decided to fast today, until tomorrow.

Not sure when I last ate but I think it was around 10pm last night, so I'm counting from there until 10am tomorrow.

No appetite, so figured I might as well take advantage.

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Shooting [2P]
Monday, March 18, 2019
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Sugar [DP]
Saturday, March 9, 2019
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How is it March already? [2P]
Friday, March 8, 2019
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Shamanic traditions
Thursday, February 21, 2019
I have some pretty heavy skepticism around New Age type spiritual fad things. If people find personal comfort in that stuff, that's fine, but I'm not into it when they push it on me. My school can be kinda... ehhhh... overly New Age-y as far as I'm concerned. Lots of people talking about their healing crystals and their ayahuasca trips and past lives and stuff. In some cases it seems totally at odds with science, and I dislike that, considering we're supposed to be learning in an academic environment...

This morning in my first class, a guest speaker came to talk to us about medicine wheels and shamanic practices in Native American cultures. I'll admit, I was fully expecting it to be boring and irrelevant to anything I want to do. The guest speaker turned out to be interesting, articulate, and engaging, though. I was very pleasantly surprised.

I'm not really into rituals and stuff, but she explained everything she did in a pretty reasonable way and didn't make it all woowoo spiritual. She was down to earth and talked about how differently we're impacted by physically moving versus just talking about stuff, and about the importance of not confining our attempts to pursue health to the abstract realm of ideas. Overall I thought her points were pretty solid.

We made prayer bundles with colored cloth and sacred tobacco, which was like, not really up my alley but okay, no big deal. Each color represents a direction (East, South, West, North, and the Good Red Road) with an associated power. East is clarity, south is innocence, west is introspection, and north is wisdom. We were supposed to put a small pinch of tobacco in the middle of each square of cloth, think of a prayer to go with that particular color/power, and then tie it up into a little bundle. There's just one long string for all the bundles, so they end up being connected to each other. The speaker told us to put our bundles somewhere we'd see them frequently, and then after the next moon cycle (so 28 days), to bury them in the ground. I'm not exactly sure what this is supposed to accomplish, but I guess I'll do it out of respect for the process.

Still have a healthy amount of skepticism that my "prayers" will be fulfilled, but we'll see. In any case, I feel more amiable towards shamanism than I did before. Not to the point where I think I'd want to incorporate it into my life, necessarily, but I can see how it has benefit for other people and the principles behind it make a lot more sense to me.

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The urge to write [4P]
Saturday, February 16, 2019
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Unexpanded thoughts [DP]
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
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