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Not always as happy as I seem

Age. 34
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. White
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obviously <3

Your Kisses Are Spicy and Wild

Your kisses are powerful stuff. They'll start a fire in almost anyone you kiss.

You kiss with passion, skill, and endurance. Anyone who kisses you is in for a long, intense ride.

You better watch out though. Your incredible kisses are likely to get you in trouble!

2 year olds are germ carriers
Tuesday. 9.9.08 8:51 pm
So my sweets gave me that lovely bug she had. I'm sitting on the couch, but I feel like Im going to fall over because I'm dizzy, I'm hot and sweaty, and I feel so nauseous it's not even funny. It doesn't help that I'm not at home so I can't even lay down and take a nap. I took a 2 hour nap with Liz before. The poor tyke is cutting her 2 year molars, FINALLY. So she's been complaining all day as well.

We went to the grocery store before we came over to hubby's best friend's house. Lizzy wanted grapes for a snack, so I got a bag for her. Of course she wanted them right there and then, and proceeded to scream through the entire store. I couldn't take it and at the checkout I got down to her level and told her that this behavior was completely unacceptable, and that we were going to leave and not buy the grapes unless she calmed down. She sniffled and said "ok" and I picked her up. Jim was in a mood and started to yell at me for letting her whine and carry on. Sorry, but I will not teach her that it's okay to whine to get what you want. I was taught that you behave in public, and I will be installing the same virtues in her.

She was fine when we left though, and forgot about the grapes until we got to Erick's house. Ah, 2 year olds.

I am extremely bored here. I have nothing to do. I wrote a list of emergency numbers and first aid directions for my best friend who will be babysitting her in early November for a weekend. I'm so nervous to leave her alone for 2 nights, but I know they'll have fun. I'll be having fun as well, and things will be perfect.

In my midst of boredom I opened photoshop again and played with pics. I make signatures for message boards for members on iVillage, so I made a few for some friends, and then just played with a photo of Chris and I. I'm not that happy with how it turned out, but it looks better than the first one I made. That one was just, so icky.

I've been craving a salad something crazy lately. I actually WANT spaghetti for some reason (which is one of my not so favorite foods). I think I know what's on the menu for dinner tomorrow night. Yummm!

I wouldn't be so pissed her at Erick's if I had something to do besides be on my laptop. Lizzy is playing with Erick's mom at the time being, so I'm just by myself with nothing to do but blog. Not that that is a bad thing. Plus I have barely a signal on my cellphone here, and I feel so cut off.

10 more days until my bestie ilovethehighway comes down!! Yippie! I can't wait to go to the Olive Garden with her and then come home and just chill out. It'll be a fun weekend with lots of pics to share.

I guess that's all I have to talk about. Nothing interesting has happened today except waking up at 7am to a severe thunderstorm that lasted 2 hours. I wouldn't have been so pissed if I wasn't up until 230am talking to Chris <3. It's worth it though lol.

I think I might try and lay down on the couch. I'm so hot and I feel like crap. It feels like someone lit a fire on my chest and it's just traveling all over. Plus a migrane is setting in =(

Love you <3

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I've realized..
Monday. 9.8.08 7:09 pm
that Jim only cares about Liz when she's feeling well and in a good mood.

The other day when she was sick and I had to go to work, I left the thermometer on the desk and said "PLEASE take her temperature in about 2 hours". When I got home, it was in the same spot, not even touched. I asked and he said "Oh, I didn't think I needed to, it's no big deal, just take it now" And then he yells at me because I bought her pedialyte which was an 'unneeded expense' (as was the motrin I bought for her as well) When I called him at work when she first threw up, he was very uninterested and said "Well I'm not comming home, so I don't know why you called me". Ergh. If she gets antsy and starts to whine, he just says "Go to your mother" and gives me this look like I should already be stopping her whining.

And he never listens. I tell everyone NO cookies, chocolate, or any other candy BEFORE NOON. What does she have this morning? A Nilla Wafer. I know the occasional cookie and candy won't kill her, but not every morning, and not at 10am.

And then there's the disrespect that I get. He's always on his computer, never spends time with me or with Liz unless it's convenient for him. Not that I want to spend time with him anymore anyway, but when I was in the 'trying to save the marriage' stage, I wanted him to spend time with me and just care. And when he yells at me for stupid shit (like buying deoderent) it just makes me feel like a 2 year old. I live in a constant fear of getting yelled at all the time. I really am sick of the yelling and the fighting.

I know I'm going to get the questions of "well why don't you just leave already" but it's not that easy when you have a child involved. I don't want to keep her from her father, I just want shared custody, but his parents have threatened me that "If you leave Jim we will do everything in our power to keep that little girl here". Yes, because grandparents have more rights than the mother. I made an appointment to talk to a lawyer to see what my options are. Then after that, I'm going to save up as much as I can so I can get my own apartment, so I have somewhere to leave to.

As much as I regret Jim though, I cannot regret my daughter. She's the light of my life and the only thing that keeps me going everyday. I just regret May 2, 2006, when I said "I do". I think we married too young, too early, and too soon after having a baby. We should have waited to see how having a baby changed our relationship. It brought out sides of us that I never knew existed. My maternal instincts kicked in, and I strived to be the kind of wife/mother my own mom was. It was nearly impossible though because of the disrespect I got daily. The house isn't clean enough. Why isn't the laundry done? Why didn't you bake me something to snack on later? And the list goes on.

Anyway, I just felt like venting a bit. I feel better now. At least I have friends that I can vent to all the time, and whom understand what I'm going through. I'm so greatful for them <3

Love ya =)

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Deoderent. The leading cause of One Hour Fights
Sunday. 9.7.08 9:46 am
Yes, an entire hour of my day yesterday was spent fighting because I bought a stick of deoderent on Friday night. Please lord, strike me down for doing something so sinister and evil.

I'm heading to Radio Shack later today to find a new cord for my laptop. The end on the current one does not connect well, and my laptop has to be in a certain position to even hold a charge. I do abuse my laptops though, so I'm sure this won't be the last cord I have to buy for it.

I have no idea what got into this kid today, but she's whiny and yelling at us for everything. Must be a mutual bad mood. My bad mood is mother nature induced. I swear I'm going to have a hystorectomy if this ever happens again.

Did I mention that the man I co-habit with is on vacation all week? I have a feeling I'm going to be shooting myself in the head by the time Wednesday rolls around.

My bestie is supposed to come over tonight. I can't wait! We're going to get trashed and smoke pot. (For the record, I don't do drugs and I never will. It's a joke, just to get people riled up. I love to piss people off and have them write blogs about me on here!)

Next weekend (19-22nd) my other bestie ilovethehighway is supposed to stay the weekend with me with her little 5 month old!! I can't wait to meet Madison :) It should be a fun weekend filled with girl time! I can't wait to hold a baby again. Not that I want one anytime soon... Not until I'm definitely with the right person.

Speaking of which, I feel terrible for one of my 21 year old friends. She has 2 children already and is pregnant with her 3rd. Her and her husband are seperated now, getting a divorce. I pity the kids :-/ It's also going to be harder to find a guy that wants a ready made family for her and I feel bad. In my sitch it's not so hard. One kid is easy to handle. 3? Not so much. ***Just want to add that I have NOTHING against single moms with 3 kids, I'm just pissed for her husband to give her 2, and knock her up again and then leave her, at the age of 21***

Ah, and the craft from yesterday was fun. Sadly it didn't sound too much like rain, but whatever. I still had fun, lol

-hard at work coloring-

-the finished result-

-a happy child making noise-

-the height of fashion; my little diva-

-had a busy day- (yes, those ARE penguin sheets. Don't knock them)

So now that it's 10am, I guess I should go get a shower so I can do some laundry. Oye do I hate the neverending pile of laundry

Love ya ;)

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Mother of the Year!
Saturday. 9.6.08 11:49 am
My lovely little girl woke up around 12:50 this morning burning up again, so I gave her a dose of motrin and a cup of water. I didn't get to bed until after 2:30 am which of course, is my own fault, but I just can't help but stay up late when I'm talking to Chris <3

8am rolls around and I hear Lizzy playing in her bedroom. Why 8am?? This kid usually sleeps until 9:30 or later. So being the amazing parent I am, I brought her in my bed, turned on Saturday morning cartoons, and I went back to sleep. Yep, sign me up for MOTY! A cranky mom is not a good mom though, so I feel no guilt =D

Hurricane Hannah hit this morning, so it's all rainy and yucky. Of course, Liz is all better today and we can't go outside to play, so I'm going to do a craft with her this afternoon. It's a rain stick made out of paper towel tubes. I'm sure I'll have pictures to share later on.

Oh, and those boots I bought her last night? They look like crap on her :( Those sexy little boots that I've loved for so long... wahhh!

I love ya babe <3

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Friday. 9.5.08 6:04 pm
Sweet jesus can work be any more boring? Its friday! People need to be out shopping. I'm a little sad thinking that last week at this time I was out to dinner with my bestie before I headed to philly to meet my lover. I hate having nothing to look forward to.

Britty stopped by to see me though so at least that killed an hour.

I guess I should head out though. At least make it look like I'm working... Though that's hard to do when you're in fitting room with no people. Gah

I love ya <333

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My turn
Friday. 9.5.08 9:16 am
to take a trip =) I'm going to return every single favor that my lover has done for me ;) I already have it all figured out, just need a date =D

I did have a good giggle when I invited myself to make this name, and got the confirmation email. "NuTang is a land where mysticism, romance, and utter nirvana hang around every corner"

haha, if only Dave knew how true it was when he wrote that statement. Never tought I'd find romance here in the depths of a blog, but I guess I did. I'm quite happy about that too.

Anyhoo, I was sleeping peacefully at 7:30 this morning when a blood curdling scream shook me awake. My poor little girl must have had a bad dream and she was crying pretty hard by the time I got back there to her room. She won't even eat this morning, which is STRANGE for her. I hope she's not sick. She had a stomach flu back in the beginning of June and I've never been puked on so much in my life.

I will say I'm kind of happy that the kids are back in school now, because Nickelodeon is back to their preschool programs instead of Spongebob starting at 10am. I'm sure I will get sick of this quickly though. I'm already hating Dora and Diego. Of course, Dora is my daughter's idol.

Now that I've wasted a good amount of my morning, I guess I'll go clean the kitchen and make myself some tea. I work 5-9 tonight because someone was sick and asked if I wanted her shift. Uhh, heck yes I do... I want to be OUT of this house!!

love ya Chris <333

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