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Monday. 8.8.05 2:07 am
i'm fucking up my life. thats all i have to say.

i am royally fucking up my life.


for nothing. absolutly nothing.

and the worst part is that i know it. i know it...

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mr. black
Wednesday. 8.3.05 10:48 pm
so are jewish boys really that well hung? i wonder. maybe i'll find out when drunk. haha.

lewis black is SOOOOO fucking hillarious i need that man in my life to go on I DOOOO!

small pox. wtf. how can that be possible the reason is because the small ppox vaccine that we were given that i was toldhjfsdhjfghsdykfhgsakyuygfsdkyugfykseugfukyewgluiealigakeurfgtsarlegfleagejfgvbhkgdgbesfgbhegfbeufh hes so funny

need to read or study. but won't...

when i laugh to this shit i sound like i'm having sex. awesome.

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drunkenness at sammys but first finch
Wednesday. 8.3.05 2:03 am
ok. danny makes me soooo soo sad. ok maybe not sad but inept as a girl. ok am i that ugly. i probably am but i don't fucking know. i like the kid. he's intelligent jewish tight chill smokes pot and drinks. he's cool and i don't know why he wont hook up with me. i don't know. he just like won't. he keeps eye contact. how hot is that? i think he's really really cute. i usually go for really tallllllll guys but he's short and cute. i don't know. he was suprised to see us. i over analyize shit. i really do. i want to hook up with him so bad but it's weird cuz he doesnt and i don't understand that shit. i really don't. i'm not skank or anything hell no i know i am not but i don't know. this is a stupid girl thing for me to do but i ah.i just. ah. i hate talking to him cause i know he doesn't want to hook up with me and like well. ah. i can't stand talking to him cause hes so cool but then gay about it too. whateva. i don't need to deal with this shit.

i need to like go to the gym more often. everyday man. everyday.

i think tak is hot. i really do. he's really hot and he's half asian which is perfect for me. it really is. he use to be a druggie so i can really relate to him and he listens to good music. i don't know. i need to get to know him alot more then anything else. i should but i don' t know how to. he's all quiet. wow how typical is this of me. he's so my type. geeky like dorky smart listens to good music is asian but white and he he a goodlooking kid who is intelligent. perfect. GAY ahhhhhhhhhhh

i went to a finch concernt with josh and mar mar today. it was cool. i had like a bonding shindig with mar mar. it was cool. shes a really tight chick and i like chilling with her. we've got a new pact "what happens when you're drunk stays what you DID when you were drunk." that's def the thing that should happen. so whateva happens happens, no probs u catch my dig man? yeah.

i don't like david. he aggrevates me with his weirdness. he's all. i don't knnow. too moral but not moral enough. like he comes off as all high and mightly and moral and shit but then he drops his morals like bah. nothing. like he doesnt but he's all like "you don't study enough" then he doenst study when i'm trying to study with him and i know that if i hang out with him long enough that he will def smoke and drinkk eventually. that means he has weak perserverance and he's not all that smart. he's kindof smart but inreality he really isn't. i don't like that. i like smart intelligent boys who are smarter if not as smart as me. and i can't deal with lower. i think thats the majority or big reason as to why i don't like him. its a culmination of all the small shit and that one big thing. there's nothing that i can really respect about him. i can't like a person i don't respect.

thats another thing. tak doesn't really party all that much. but then again he does drink. HOT. ahhh

i don't have soo much a big thing for tak i just think he's cool. whateva.

i was thinking, you know i could go out with david and be a stupid "girl friend" or dating whatever but i d on't want to waste my time. i'm bette rthen that shit an dknow what i like and don't. i'm not going to pull this whole insecurity bullshit all over again and go out with a kid just to be with someone. whatever. i don't nee dthat kind of responsibiliyt and hell. i've done it before and don't need it.

once i know i can have a kid i drop them like bad news. i didn't know if i could have david but then i found out i could and i dropped him. its not that i couldn't have him and thats the only reason as to why i liked him but that maybe a reason as to why i dropped him.

ahh. that danny kid bothers me.

i need to chill with tak. i will. it'll be IntereSting....

ok. sleep then waking up to write my real paper. hahahahahhahah.

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205th day of 2005
ok, so people know about my other journal an di need a drunken journal. shall revamp this for that purpose... this was last night. i laugh a my self was drunk off my ass. its all good....

oh my goodness. he was hot. ok i was drunk. still drunk. he was hot. i got my fucking play tonight and he was def. drunk and ihad so m uch. fun. made out with two boys tonight. won't mention it again. want play from him again. oh my fucking goodness. yeahhhhh

6'4" and bl0nnd....... ahh... i love going to fRATS sometimes. and uh. yeah.... oh my goodness. the things that you do whenyou are drunk. i lobe this. wtf i cannot type at the mmoment. its all good. he was good. i got off it was worth it. he got off.

mhmm... if he call it'll be good. i got his number

i love the taste of boys. they're so hot... so hot.

ahahhahah. ok. i'm done.

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revisiting the memories
Monday. 5.9.05 8:37 am
so its crazy isn't it.
not completely ready to leave. not completly ready.

so what is it that these songs are telling me? yeah music is a message board.

sometimes i just wonder. wonder. alot. why is life so cruel. why are we such idiots.

like i said. if you had made that one move while we had the chance. If i hadn't been so cold to your suffering. why is it you make cds for me?

damn you and your unrequited love.

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the age of of tepid apathy
Friday. 1.28.05 9:37 am
Its seems to me that it's the age of of tepid apathy.

lets dance for we've forgotten what experiences were in empathy
I'm hating but relishing the fact that i am nothing but everything.

Lets forget this hatred, i can't in defiance of your complaceny

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