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Age. 27
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. ...
Location lubbock, TX
School. Other
» More info.
my dad has been reading my xanga
Thursday. 1.27.05 9:31 pm
Goodness! At least he hasn't been reading this. He doesn't even know about this! AAAHLELUIA!!!! luvs hannah

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why i love him
Wednesday. 1.26.05 8:42 pm
His laugh.
His voice.
His smile.
His personality.
The way, if anyone made me cry, he would be there.
To beat their ass to the ground.

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Saturday. 1.22.05 12:15 am
I don't think I have been this happy sense I made out with Nick. This is probably one of the best days of my life! And he said he was gonna call me when his mom went to bed! God I'm so frickin happy! And we are gonna hang out when he comes to town next month! Omg I haven't been so happy in forever! God I love this guy so much and he is coming into town! YAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!


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holy crap!
Friday. 1.21.05 11:52 pm


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Tuesday. 1.18.05 7:03 pm
bor·ing (bôrng, br-)
Uninteresting and tiresome; dull.


The definition of my life. While everyone else is out having fun, or in the middle of some dramatic thing, I'm sitting here, on the sidelines, bored out of my mind.

No boyfriend.
No $$$ for the mall.
Or the movies.
Heck, not even for a ticket to a basketball game and some food.
And that's not all.
All I can think of is last year, when life wasn't quite so boring, because people kept getting mad at me for liking Taylor, and there was at least some drama.

And so, while something big is happening to everyone else, nothing is happening to me.

The definition of my life.

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Monday. 1.17.05 9:08 pm
Sometimes... I wanna die I like him so much. Sometimes I just want it all to end. Cuz I can't get over him. I don't know how many times I have tried to get over him. I don't how long I have tried to get over him. And I don't know why I cant get over him. But what ever I'm doing to get over him, I'm doing it wrong.

People tell me he's just a boy. "Don't cry over a boy like that," they say. "He's not worth it," they say. "You're waisting your tears over something stupid," they say.

Well, screw that. I love him. You can't just not cry when the guy you love is going out with your best friend. You can't.

And so he just sits here, telling me that he is in love with her, while they both know that I have been in love with him forever. And he tells me to get over him and move on and find that perfect guy for me. But doesn't he understand... Why can't he understand... He is the perfect guy for me. Can he not get that through his head? Does he not understand that I love him? I guess not. I guess no one does.

Well, no, Wendy and Sarah do. They are such good friends. They always know just what I mean, no matter what. They listen. They don't call me retarded. Even though I know Wendy doesn't think I should like him sense he's such a stupid player. Of course he's a stupid player. We all know he's a stupid player.

Well, someday, he is gonna know what it feels like. I promise you he is. Someday, he is gonna start to like me. And I'm gonna say I really care for him and everything, but I like someone more. And I'm gonna say it's Scott. Heck, I don't care if I'll like Scott or not. It's gonna be Scott. No, wait! I've got a better one. Tanner! It'll be Tanner! He hates Tanner! He will be sooo jealus!

Who am I kidding? It's never gonna happen. Because, I know, if he ever does end up liking me, which is probably never gonna happen, I'm not gonna like Tanner or Scott. I'm gonna like him. Of course I am. There's no way that I'm not. This is so pointless.

Completely pointless. Just like getting mad at him the other night was. I'm not doing that again. I'll just stay sad. Won't yell at him over the phone. Won't hang up on him. Just go to my room, turn up my radio, punch my pillow and throw it around, and cry. That's what I'll do. Being mad takes up to much of my energy. I'm just gonna be sad.

I guess I'll stick to being sad for a while. For a long while. A long long while.

Maybe even forever. Or maybe never. I was thinking last night, if I wake up tomorow, and I'm dead, well, am I happy with the life I've lived? I'm not. I haven't done so many of the things I've wanted to. Heck, I haven't even hit a 100 lbs yet. But, I mean, maybe I am happy with the life I've lived.

I've done all the things, besides hitting 100 lbs, and having a good relationship, that make my life wonderful.

I've fallen in love with my best friend ((many times))
I've become best friends with the person I was in love with
I've been on the radio
I've had a pretty good summer experiance
I've spent a whole day at the park
I've rode on a roller coaster that goes upside down and not gotten sick
I've won something big
I've hugged a million guys
I've kissed a guy that I'm in love with
I've kept a journal for a long long time ((over half a year))
I've been to a dance
I've thrown a dance party
I've taken a picture with the guy I loved
I've written songs
I've had a million inside jokes
I've had more friends than I can count

I've lived my life the way I've wanted. I definetly have.

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