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the beginning (a simple seed) ~the classic crime
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table, it will be locked
til i get home

i'm growing feeble and tired of the world
tired of constantly missing my girl
and i long to smell the sea

the sea...
the sea-yeah

i miss the Pacific Ocean
and the northwestern air
and run each of my fingers
through the strands of her hair

ive been over this country lately
but i've been nowhere it seems, nowhere

but ive found the cure to my landlocked blues
its coming home to you


if a simple seed
gets just what it needs
then a redwood tree can grow
up to a hundred feet
and endure the sleet and the snow

but if my whole life
was wrapped and priced
i wonder what the tag would show
cuz everytime im close to the holy ghost
i let her go

i let her go...

i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table
it will be locked, til i get home

May 2022

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quotes i'd like to save...
-=How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd=- ~Alexander Pope

-=ur the sunshine after the rain, the tylenol to my pain=-~me

-='I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry=- ~ W.H. Auden

-=live ur life, make ur heaven=- ~me reflecting upon stuff i learned at yfc

-=life isnt measured by the breaths u take, but moreso the number of breaths u take away=-~meggyo's profile
i have the sudden urge to pray..so here i am
Saturday. 6.3.06 12:54:53 pm
so i haven't actually felt like praying in a long time. a lot of people only resort to praying when the going gets tough. and i'm sure that one would be able to view their lives as difficult at any point in time. just a matter of pressimism vs optimsim. but this really isn't what i wanted to pray about. i feel incomplete. i feel incomplete and i want to look to a higher power for some sort of hint about what i should do about it, how i can complete myself. and with this urge, this helpless feeling, i ask myself, 'well, why do you feel incomplete?'. a couple thoughts go through my head. i feel lazy. i dont feel productive without a job. the time i spend with my friends would be that much sweeter if i had a job that kept me away for just a lil bit. granted, i missed them a lot when i was in PA, but too much of a good thing isn't necessarily fantastic. i feel old. maybe not necessarily like..tired and not energetic. but like...i've been more conscious of my age as of late. going to the mall today for dinner was a slight eyeopener. seeing many groups of middle schoolers escorted by their older 20 year old sister whom also has a child of 11 months. sitting with a group of my friends...an old school mate of ours walked by and we said hello. i didnt really know him, but he asked "what have you been up to?" and nick said, "same things we were doing in highschool". and this almost saddened me. i'm turning 21 in about a month...and am i still acting like a kid in highschool? is this a bad thing? would it be different if i said..."am i still acting like the kid i was in high school? cuz there were drunks in highschool...n that wasnt me. do you have to be a drunk to 'act the age of 21'? are the things you do in highschool supposed to be the 'fun' things in life? or is 21 an age thats still very much so young, and doing things like playing board games, and laughing at your mom jokes are natural?

i feel incomplete. i wanna pray. but in all seriousness. i just...i just really really really miss meghan catherine inhyung oefinger. she completes me. when i feel lazy she makes me want to be more productive. when i feel old she makes me feel jussst young enough to make me feel like i'm in my prime time of my life. and the fact that i want to pray, it just means that slightly lost touch with meghan. which is more than i'd like. not having her around, and the fact that both of us are bored at home, trying to hangout with our friends whenever we can...it's just been too easy to just say "i'll talk to you tomorrow". it's just makes me wanna cry right now. why would i do something like this? i'm so sorry hun if you're reading this. from the bottom of my heart, i'm so so sorry. these words just wont do it justice. i just want to feel your presence. i just wanna hear your voice. hold your hand. give you a hug. babe i miss you.

i wish i could say this to you directly meghan but i know i wouldn't have gotten it all out if i didnt immediately get it out of me this night. ya know- the late night focus phenomenon. ok. so for all you other crazy readers. heres something not directed solely to meghan heh.

recently, once or twice at mikes house....the group of us would just talk about someone. like the usual 'he said, she said' stuff. and tonight, i thought..i wonder if people talk about me like this. i instantly thought this was a self centered, egotistical thing to be thinking. "yeah right, cuz everyone just loves to talk about you keith". but you just never know. maybe some distant friend mentions me or long lost acquaintance randomly remembers a negative trait about me, or maybe {seriously not accusing anyone} one of my alleged friends really dislikes me and talks about me all the time. maybe the next time im in a group of people doing the 'he said, she said' dance, i'll ask, what would you say behind my back about me? of course this would be like...a paradox or something cuz it'd be like obviously in front of my face. i think the initial reaction would be the thing i'd gauge though. quick answers vs hesitated answers. straight faced vs smiling. tone of voice. eye contact with me or other people. general facial expressions.

somesing like that.

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ok what the fuck.
Saturday. 5.27.06 10:19:29 pm
so im sitting at my computer on a saturday night. with absolutely nothing to do. i've been meaning to compose a blog entry for a number of different purposes. i wanted to make a sorta tribute to all the people i met at slippery rock. i wanted to make one about how i miss meghan. i also wanted to just pour my heart out. i have so much i just wanna express. well maybe not. ive been feeling kinda numb lately and i wanna just express in general.i wanna be sad, i wanna be angry, i wanna laugh, i wanna feel accomplished, not this stupid meloncholy-ish type grey icky feeling.

i went to a wedding today. woke up at 6am, got ready, drove 2 hours, and bam. church wedding, reception food at 1, continued eating til about 5. people drinking, dancing, making small talk, sports, professions, professions of other relatives. for a group of 23 year olds whom have grown up together, weddings would be a great time. but if you're a 20 year old guy in a room full of strangers, babysititng the only people you know- 4 small children under the age of 13, then you're probably not having that great of a time during the reception. i mean i understand that the actual ceremony is supposed to be more 'important', and i thought the whole ritual was beautiful. but while i was watching it all unfold, it seemed a lil more like a charade. well ok, the traditional best man, bridesmaids, flower-girls, parent escorts, and the "i do's" are all solid, festive, joyous, momentous icons of the process of marriage. but today, there was not only a ring bearer, but a coin-bearer, a bible-bearer, veil-pinner, cord-wrapper-around-ers, extra singers and piano players...*shrug* maybe these roles are just less heard of because theyre not in movies, or maybe i just need to do some sort of research, but the explanations for each act with all the coins/veils/cords just seemed like more and more a stretch of the imagination. like the ring i understand because you're supposed to wear it all the time and it simbolizes things like your faith to eachother. but the 'marriage bible' given to the couple, the pastor said to use it as a guide. whats gonna happen to that bible? its probably going to collect dust in a drawer in the basement with the 400 dollar wedding video that you'll watch maybe twice before it gets too old to function. *sigh* i dunno, maybe they're really religious, and use the bible everyday, and in that case more power to them. i guess im just not a big fan of the idea myself..

i want my kids to grow up in one place. moving around as a kid fucked me over more than i'd like. i dont spend time with anyone i used to spend time with when i was in elementary school. middle school. i may love my high school friends so much because they're really the first group of friends i've had that i can say 'we've had tons of laughs'. i was thinking...someones not really your friend unless you've cohesively laughed with them for an accumulated hour of time over the time you've known them. or something, i thought of this cuz i'm tired of superficial friendships, fake laughs, forced smiles, bullshit like that. so when i have kids, i want to be pretty sure i'm not going to be moving a school disctrict away for a decade or 2. this is probably an EXTREME amount easier said than done, but hey its a blog, i can say what i want.

sooooo....yes. this is whats on my brain.

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the 1st time i slept at your house i brought...
Thursday. 3.16.06 11:38:52 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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color of my favorite socks
Wednesday. 3.15.06 11:21:57 pm
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pw=i keep calling uncle david this name
Wednesday. 3.15.06 9:28:16 am
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password=what was on the bookmarks i gave you
Tuesday. 3.14.06 6:57 am
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the number is lesser in value..and easier to swallow
~'would you like something to drink'
if your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done
~'the words "best friend" become redefined'
if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, i'll follow you into the dark
~'i'll follow you into the dark'
i'll be floating out at sea, waiting for periscopes to spot my warm body
~'no ace, just you'
this is the part where i'll admit i'm getting what i deserve
~'lost and found'
lets sleep tonight on a bed of nails, so that every other night doesn't seem so painful after all
~'beter than sex'
if it were up to me, you're gone, i've been dying to get it into you somehow
hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that i am not there, i swear i didn't mean for it to feel like this
wanna fuck up my life?-i'll let you.
this is the rhythm i was signing to the beat of my feat as i walked away
~'i fought the broad (and the broad won)'
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
if i could, i'd only want to make you smile
~'make you smile'
the past is only the future with the lights on
~'baby, come on'
morning always comes too quick when you're around..
~'still breathing'
i beg not to escape permeating my pores, whetting my appetite for more
~'amanda's poem about unicorns '
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
love me gently with a chainsaw
~'tie her down'
smiles and her laughter, its the only thing that ive been waiting for
so many high points on this last leg, i cant wait to recount them- it seems like nothings happened until ive shared them with you
~'shirts and gloves'
ur lips, ur eyelashes- ur skin, these are the parts of ur body that cause my comatose to begin
~'all hail the heartbreaker'

lets start out-by starting over... ~'lovers and liars'

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