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The weather
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My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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Sunday. 3.5.17 7:16 pm
On top of the activities previously mentioned in the prior entry, I forgot to include last Monday and Tuesday's dinner plans. Monday was sushi, Tuesday was a belated birthday dinner with the best friend. Both of those evenings were quite enjoyable. It always helps when you hang out with super chill people.

Today was the most involved plan of all the activities I'd had planned: the Hot Chocolate 15k. I've never done anything more than a 5k, and the best time I ever had, I think, was 42 minutes. I was also overweight during each of those. It's definitely more involved when doing a 15k (9.3 miles for those of us here in America) and I'm already feeling it. Luckily, the only really steep hill was right at the beginning and it was going downhill. The rest of the hills were decent inclines, but nothing steep; just seemingly never-ending. The good thing about the inclines is that it would eventually become a decline, and those are much easier. You have gravity working in your favor. It doesn't do nice things to your joints, but it helps with speed.

My goal was to complete it in under 2 hours. I finished it at 2 hours and 9 minutes. Which, in all honesty, is better than I expected to do considering I really didn't train. I was on top of it for the first 3 weeks of the 8, and then went to the gym maybe 3 times over the following 5 weeks. It averages out to about a 13:51 min mile. I definitely couldn't jog the whole thing, but I alternated between walking and jogging. There were several people still behind me when I finished, which made me feel better.

It was incredibly cold and I didn't realize it was possible to be warm/sweaty/swollen AND cold at the same time. I understand that we sweat to cool our bodies down, but the wind that was blowing wasn't just a light breeze, and whenever the sun dipped behind the clouds, it got cold. My fingers were numb for at least half the time I was outside. My toes finally warmed up, which was nice. It made moving forward a little easier.

I'm quite proud of the simple fact that I followed through. Getting up early this morning, going out in the cold, and jogging/walking 3 times farther than I've ever gone in a run before was not an easy feat. But I have the finisher medal and the record online (along with super sore joints) proving that I accomplished this and I'm proud of the fact that I did.

February of last year, during the vacation bidding period, I knew that I'd wanted to do this. I requested off March 6th in anticipation of needing a day to recover, and I'm really thankful for past me for thinking ahead, even though I didn't actually register for this run until 10 months later. On top of needing an extra day to allow my hips and knees to heal, tomorrow is the first official day working for Kaiser, now that they've finally acquired Group Health, and I'm glad I won't be around for the chaos. I'm still going to be sore on Tuesday, but at least I can go back in to work and ask everyone what I have to do, rather than learning with tomorrow's trial and error day.

Alright, I'm going to zone out and probably head to bed early tonight. When I wake up tomorrow morning, and get up for the first time, I already know that just going to the bathroom is going to be a bitch. But I have Advil and bananas so I'll just take it easy and work through it.

Until next time. . .

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Saturday. 2.25.17 7:50 pm
Things have settled at work with my coworker finally having gotten over all of the ailments that had kept her home for two weeks. Things at home have gotten back to normal as well. I am still looking for another place to live, however, I may not be moving until May/June.

This past Thursday a friend and I went and saw Rent at the Paramount. I've loved the movie since it came out back in 2005, and this was the first time I've seen it on stage. As much as I loved the movie, I love the stage production even more. It would have been amazing to see the original cast on stage, though. It was worth it to be out late on a work night.

I had plans today to go with a few work friends to visit our mutual friend, and our coworker, who has been out on maternity leave. She came up to work on Thursday for an appointment, but ended up spending about 3 hours just visiting people in the clinics. She had the baby with her so everyone wanted to see, and ask her about how she was doing and how the baby was doing. Today was much nicer in the fact that we all met up at her house, and brought food with us so she was able to stay comfortable in her own home. We each took turns holding the baby; based off photographic evidence, I apparently have only one position in which I hold newborns. At least the second photo was of me laughing; that one looks a little less serious.

Tomorrow the plan is to stay indoors. It's supposed to snow overnight again so I'm curious to see how much it'll actually snow. There was a tiny flurry a couple days ago, and then again for about 5 minutes this morning. Just super small flakes, without anything really sticking.

Since I didn't get much sleep Thursday or last night (since I had to be up early this morning; I had plans before meeting up with everyone) I'm not sure how much later I'll be able to stay awake. I may actually go to bed as soon as I'm done typing this up.

Next weekend is going to be busy, leading in to a busy week afterward. I have another burlesque show to go to, a 15k run to do, and two medical appointments. And then this coming week is looking to be incredibly busy at work. We've got a well above average volume of patients this coming week, for some reason, starting with Monday having more patients on the schedule than we've ever had. Ever. So that should be fun. Two weeks from now I'm hoping to have absolutely no plans so that I can spend time recovering from the amount of sudden activity that has sprung up in my near future.

Anywho, I wanted to type something up so that the most recent entry wasn't just a bitch-fest. This is at least a little more lighthearted.

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Rant ahead
Monday. 2.13.17 6:16 pm
I haven't a clue how long or short this is going to be. I guess it depends on how much I need to get out of my system.

The last two weeks were incredibly long at work. With the one coworker already out on maternity leave, and the other one out sick for almost the entire past two weeks (she worked Monday two weeks ago, and was finally well enough to come back last Friday), I had to do most of the work on my floor. Which meant I was doing about 2.5 people's worth of work, while the random people they had covering, combined, did the other .5. And not well either because I had to keep stopping what I was doing to help them with things that I shouldn't need to constantly help them with. Like, it shouldn't take you more than a day to remember which side which department was located on.

I ended up having to take a personal day just simply due to overwhelming exhaustion. If I hadn't taken the day off to finally get some rest, I would have made myself sick again and would have likely had to take more than just one day off.

I've started actively apartment hunting. I never heard back from the one place that I applied for, which is bullshit. I even called, twice, and left a message without ever hearing back. There's one place I'm currently in contact with, but unless they can work with me and lower the price of the rent, I won't be able to afford it. There's another place that's newer that is even closer to work than I am now, with a rent that's in my range so I think if this one place falls through, I will go ahead and contact them.

If that one doesn't work either, I will look outside of the area I want to stay in because there's a place near some friends that has a few units for rent, bigger apartment, almost the same cost. It's just ideally not in the are that I wanted to remain in.

This place I'm currently residing in has long overstayed its welcome and it's time for me to move on. I've had more problems than not recently and it's starting to really piss me off. They're mild inconveniences: the washer being broken. Again. The internet consistently cutting out because they're too fucking cheap to do it correctly (they have one modem for 36 people) and because of the contract they have with the internet company, I'm not allowed to go out and pay for my own internet here.

It's tiny (under 200sqft) and I would really like to have my own kitchen again. And maybe walls that aren't the thickness of cardboard. My damn car might be more soundproof than this place. It's been over 5 years of living here, and I'm done. I don't even give a shit if it's months before I can afford to furnish a new place. I just need to get out of here.

This was exactly what I needed back in 2011 when my ex and I broke up, but it's gradually been pissing me off more and more over the years. A few years ago, when I was ready to move on the first time, my absolute shit credit prevented me from moving. Fair. I spent two years paying off my debt, and have built up my credit back to at least fair. On the lower end of fair, but still above poor. So it's time to jump back in to the hunt.

Wish me luck people. Before I snap at the wrong person and get evicted for being unruly and aggressive.

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Subconsciously unsettled
Sunday. 1.29.17 10:10 pm
After dealing with the food poisoning on Monday, I was congested and sneezing like crazy until Thursday. By Friday it was as if nothing was ever wrong. I don't know what the hell is up with my system, but I'm glad it's finally settled.

My mind, however, not so much. I woke up early this morning from a dream that made me want to stay in bed for weeks. I wanted to cancel every plan I've made, quit my job, and hide from the world. In reality, I worked to get my mind to shut off the illogical urge to quit life, and forced myself to go back to sleep in hopes that it would at least get me level enough to continue putting on the charade that I go through whenever I'm around people. Very few have seen me break down. I like to keep it that way.

Normally my face just shows that I'm pissed. I have what's called resting bitch face. I aim for neutral, but I just look moody all the time. A few people don't believe me when I tell them I have chronic depression and anxiety; they look shocked, like I've just told them I invented some kind of new machine that reads minds. "No, that's not right. You're too happy for that."

A few people, who likely also experience some kind of mental illness, can see past it. They're the ones who ask me if I'm okay when they can see the sadness behind my eyes. They're the ones who know that I'm just trying to avoid talking about it when I say "sure, I'm fine, just tired." But they understand enough to just let it go. That I'll come around in time.

An even fewer amount of people have been there for me in ways that I feel burdened upon them, but am forever indebted to. They're the ones who see the full breakdown, and stay until they know that I can manage on my own. They stay even when I've calmed down. They stay even when I don't want them to stay, but at the same time never wanting them to leave.

And yet, here I sit, alone in front of my computer, typing away while the tears are silently streaming down my cheeks, because I don't want to be a bother to anyone.

Of course, by the time I see my therapist on Friday, my mind will have settled, I'll be sleeping better, and things will feel more right.

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System betrayal
Monday. 1.23.17 1:32 pm
When you get sick, it's usually because you caught it from someone else. Right now, there's still a bug going around that's causing people to get sick, which is probably why my nose was all stuffy on Saturday. It's better now, mostly, but today, today I have a different issue.

When you get food poisoning, it's even worse than when you get sick. You get sick, you feel kind of like crap for a few days, then it passes. Typically, at least. Food poisoning tends to come out of nowhere, and it makes you feel even more like crap. Your innards hurt and all you want to do is sleep until it's done and over with.

Food poisoning you cannot blame it on anyone except yourself, and it's simply for eating the wrong thing at the wrong time. Someone else could eat exactly the same thing as you, and not be affected. I'm mostly pissed because I had to come home early, and am using my PTO for this.

Now, it makes sense to come home. I spent more time in the bathroom this morning than actually at my desk. But I'm still annoyed. I feel mostly fine, until I don't. My stomach isn't exactly upset, but I'm staying cautious anyway; I'm eating rice and veggies, some apple sauce, and I got a bunch of bananas. The only thing I didn't obtain was bread, but that's mostly because I don't have a toaster and the bread would go bad before I was able to eat it all. In hindsight, I could have gotten a couple plain, or wheat, bagels and that would have sufficed.

The betrayal happened last night, a couple hours before I was about to lay down to sleep. It ended up keeping me up for several hours longer than I normally am even on the weekends, and it had me up earlier than normal for a workday this morning. My coworkers spent the first couple hours trying to convince me to go home. I managed until after lunches were finished, then left. And now I wait it out.

At least I'm close to the bathroom now, and it's in the comfort of my own place, rather than it being at work, not really anywhere close to a bathroom.

Fingers crossed this crap has run its course by day's end.

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Saturday. 1.21.17 12:35 pm
It's only been about a month since I started finally feeling like I was getting over the illness that plagued me the entire week before, and a few days in to, my trip to DC last month, and I woke up in the middle of the night last night with a sore throat. I've also had a couple sneezing fits throughout today. Not exactly how I saw my Saturday going.

I postponed my appointment that I had for today until the middle of the week. The Women's March is well under way; for some reason I didn't think about the fact that I live right in the epicenter of the route at which the march takes to get from point A to point B, and how this would affect traffic. I felt bad canceling last minute, but with the march happening, and the fact that I don't want to risk getting sick again, it's necessary to stay home today. Depending on how I feel tomorrow, and the weather, I may end up having to postpone those plans as well.

Hearing the waves of cheers wafting up from the street right outside my apartment kind of gives me chills. It's nice seeing all of the people who are coming together, not just here, but all over the country, and in parts of the world, to support each other and to stand together despite what has happened yesterday. It's things like this that make me proud to live in a country where we are allowed to stand together and voice our opinions for or against something.

Since I'm essentially going to be drinking tea and resting today, in hopes to allow my immune system the time it needs to not shit out on me again, I'll be taking advantage and reading more of the new book I've borrowed. It's called Station Eleven and it's definitely got my attention. It's about a post-apocalyptic world, where a flu wiped out most of the population. I do not see past the slight irony of reading this during a time in which this year's flu is stronger than it has been in recent years.

Anywho, it's very possible that the fact that I've been more stressed than normal this past week, and have gotten such poor sleep, again, probably has something to do with starting to feel like crap again. Or it could be the simple fact that I'm still recovering, and work in a medical facility, surrounded by sick people on a daily basis. Who knows. Either way, I just know that I can't get sick again. I hate missing work because of an illness.

Alright, I've been distracted for the last half hour. The waves of cheering are still going strong, two hours in to the march. I am curious as to how many people are involved. They may have estimates on the news tonight.

Not sure when I'll write again, but it shouldn't be too long. I can never stay away for long.

Until then. . .

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