In all my days,
Tuesday. 12.15.09 10:36 pm
I have never been more excited. And in all my excitement, I've never been this regretful.
I'm excited because there's I might be going to MIT! I mean, it's not only a great school, but it's my Dream School, as stupid and melodramatic as that sounds. Everything I want in life is exemplified at that school. Even the challenge of getting in draws me. Another thing that makes me happy, which I just realized today, is that before this year I didn't HAVE any real plans for college. I hated it when people asked me where I was going because I didn't have any preferences. I was going into my college search almost completely unbiased, except for a slight aversion to where most people in my area go (Clemson or USC, then Duke, Furman, etc.) I wanted to go somewhere unique, but I didn't know exactly where that was. But now I have a clear goal. I have something to gain or lose, and it's great.
Also, I'm regretful that I didn't apply for early decision. Almost all of my friends already have their answers from their #1 schools. I won't get mine til March. Really, am I the only person who doesn't know yet? Everyone keeps asking. My nerves are fraying from worry and suspense.
I did the interview with an alumni last Sunday. She was very nice, and I feel like it went well as far as them getting to know me. Hopefully that will ensure success. But I won't know...-sigh-
Thursday. 12.10.09 11:30 pm
Tuesday. 12.8.09 10:05 pm
My idea of love involves persistence. It's not some sappy, abstract...piece of melodrama that waxes and wanes. Sure, that particular mixture of admiration and other fun stuff is nice, and useful, but it shouldn't be the basis of, say, a marriage. It's not enough. Just look at the ceremony: you're telling this person you're going to stick with them literally until one of you dies. Rain or shine, rich or poor, good or bad. It's not there for show. The very core of love is sacrificing one's self for somebody else. Obviously in a mutual loving relationship you're going to have both people sacrificing for each other, so it seems hidden. But in one person's moment of weakness, their spouse is expected to support them. The more it hurts them, the more love they are showing.
Of course, this only works when both people go into the agreement with this mindset. If you have one true lover and one fickle person, what happens? Is the lover doomed to lavish at their own expense on somebody who doesn't understand or doesn't care? I don't know. At that point, I might not blame them for wanting a divorce, or accepting them when their spouse gets bored or whatever.
Choice. How much of all this love stuff is based on choice? It's hard to say. Certainly, some people are better suited with certain other people, but giving yourself entirely for somebody else should be a choice. When it comes down to it, you just pick a person. Obviously it would help if there was "chemistry". But what's really important is the choice to love each other. I wonder if any two people could get married and stay happy together, no matter how ill suited, as long as they both choose to love each other unconditionally. I want to think they could, but I really can't say either way at this point.
Does the same apply to dating? Even more confusing, because so many different people define "dating" so many different ways and do it for so many different reasons. I'm not even going to get into it. But as far as loving each other goes, I believe that it applies in any situation where love is called for, and in fact, in many where it isn't. Christians are supposed to love their fellow man, to serve first and foremost. It's not just some flowery speech, it's what's literally expected of us. If half the professing Christians in America acted like that and not...well, not sitting on their hands, then I bet A) there'd be MORE Christians because we're actually doing our jobs, and B) it would just be a generally happier place.
Anyway, I'm in a confusing position at the moment and these are my thoughts on loving relationships and specifically on why we get into relationships and stick with them as opposed to moving on to "someone better."
The Boogeymen are coming
Monday. 12.7.09 11:25 pm
...and tonight I find myself in a terribly compromising situation. Seriously, how did I let this happen? It's kind of nice for my ego, but since when did my massive head need any more girth?
Well, the prescribed solution is to "pretend it didn't happen." I'm down with that, if it works. Probably safest all around.
If I can do it.
Also, lunch today was simply epic and I wish I could bring my camera to school.
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