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The weather
A constant state of being.
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
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It's fine, I'll just do it myself.
Wednesday. 10.15.14 9:28 pm
Today was one of those days where, after asking the person who's job it was to do something, I'd end up just doing it myself because it was easier than trying to get them to understand. It would have been easier to teach calculus to a rat.

I feel like I should explore the Ballard area more so that I can see what else is beyond the eye place. I have to go back there, again, tomorrow. The doc wants to do some additional testing just to ensure that everything was set up properly. Hopefully this will be enough to fix the issue and when I go pick up the glasses, it'll be the final time I'm in that area until April.

The weather was finally the kind of PNW weather I moved up here for. Cool, rainy and generally miserable. I'm glad the sun waited to make itself known until I got home and didn't have to be out in it.

I was going to clean this weekend, but I've since made plans so I guess it'll wait until next weekend. I have to purge my things; there's a lot of stuff I need to get rid of. It'll be an all day ordeal, if not two. I may live in a small space, but you'd be amazed at how much can accumulate over a length of time.

By the end of the month I'd like to have my place move-ready.

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Tuesday. 10.14.14 6:21 pm
I'm feeling rather antisocial today and the reasoning behind it is rather childish. It's kind of along those lines of when someone goes "if I can't have something, then no one can." We'll leave it at that.

The weather has finally affected the tire pressure monitoring system in my car. I drove it up to the tire place and had the guy put air in them, but the light didn't go off on the way home. If it's still on when I'm leaving work tomorrow, I'll stop at the gas station and put air in the tires myself. I was hoping to avoid having to do so by driving to the 'professionals,' but apparently my car would rather me use up quarters.

After I left there, I headed back to the eye place and explained the problem I was having with the newly replaced lenses. The lady took both pairs of glasses and compared the two, then measured something with my eyes and it was determined that the current glasses have the lens just slightly off center, while the new ones were exactly centered. Since I've gotten so used to having them off by a couple millimeters, she said that she would let the lab know to put the lenses in for the exact same measurements as my current ones, so that my eyes should be able to focus as they're used to. And so I wait another week. Or so.

My 4 year anniversary in Seattle is next week and I want to do something for it. Some kind of celebratory type of thing. It's something I'll most undoubtedly be doing on my own, since it's in the middle of the week, but I wouldn't mind having company for the celebration. I guess we'll see what happens.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be acting less childish, but this is the kind of tantrum that doesn't always go away quickly. When a child throws a tantrum, people just write it off as it being an annoying child. You throw a tantrum as an adult and people question your sanity and mental health.

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Rejection: number 17
Monday. 10.13.14 4:20 pm
I'm not actually keeping track of how many times shit has gone south over the last few months, but 17 is a good number. It's entirely randomly chosen.

I didn't get the position that I interviewed for. I'm more upset by the fact that I have to deal with the rejection of it, adding it to the ever-growing list of things that haven't worked out, than I am about actually not getting the position. I wasn't terribly interested in getting it to begin with, mostly due to the hours, but I was really hoping it would be my ticket out of where I'm at. Going in to a job that I don't want to do would be counterproductive anyway. There'll be a spot opening up at another facility soon, but I want to be there about as much as I want to be where I currently am so going for that would be along the same lines as why I originally tried for the position I was turned down from.

My response to this rejection was to blow up my friends phones by telling them that I'm doomed to be stuck at the place I'm at ... forever. With a corresponding crying face. I stayed quiet the rest of the shift and avoided any kind of social situation. It's probably a good thing I didn't tell anyone in my own department that I was trying to leave. At least everyone else I told will just encourage me to keep trying. I put in 7 more applications this morning. Four of them are all in the same building, but since there were different job numbers, why the fuck not? Can't hurt. Worst that could happen is that the number in the title goes up to the 20s or 30s.

I made two phone calls when I got home from work. I have an appointment set up to get my back fixed, finally. It's still not for some time, but the fact that I have an appointment set up and a design being worked on, I'm stoked. It's been messed up for 8 years and to know that I'll finally have a reputable artist fixing it is awesome. Plus, more ink. What other reason do I need? Duh!

The other is an appointment to meet with a therapist. I'd been thinking about going back, but kept putting it off. I put it off the week before my birthday and it didn't happen last week either so with the negativity that occurred this morning, I knew it was time to finally make that phone call. I actually called a different guy from the one I was originally going to call. I looked at his information again and something told me not to call that guy. So I went with another one who's 'about me' section got my attention. We'll see how the first meet goes. I'm usually a pretty good judge of character when I first meet someone. Every once in a while I'm wrong, but not often. My sister is the same way.

I don't know why I keep getting turned down for positions that I'm applying/interviewing for. Something has to give at some point, right? Where the fuck is the open door that I'm supposed to go through? Hell, I'll take a fucking window at this point. Something open that I can go through and come out on the other side as a success story. I deserve something to go right in my life, dammit.

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Sunday. 10.12.14 4:24 pm
I admit, I did got caught up in the hype of the Seahawks' winning streak last year, all the way up until the point at which they won the Super Bowl. I said it was hard not to, being so close to the stadiums and all. I think I was just looking for an excuse to tell people who have known me the entire 4 years I've lived here and know that I'm definitely not in to sports. I was also working at Sam's Club then and people would come in and the excitement was contagious.

Today, hearing the crowd roar ebb and flow with each play against the Cowboys just annoys the hell out of me. This is the first home game of the season that I've been home the entire time and I, unfortunately, wasn't able to stay asleep long enough for the game to be over. This year, I absolutely refuse to get caught up in the hype. I don't give a fuck how well they're doing or who they've beaten or any of it. I'm not in to sports; I never have been and if I couldn't have my mind swayed with last year's spectacle, nothing is going to make me 'come around.'

If my future significant other is in to sports, he can keep it. I'll find other things to do on game day. I may participate in some activities, if asked, but I'm not going to pretend that I'm in to something I'm not.

Anywho, I'm back to wearing my old glasses for now. The eye place is closed today and tomorrow so I have to wait until Tuesday before I can bring them back. They're going to get really sick of dealing with me, but hey, I need glasses that don't make me dizzy and disorient me. Which is exactly what happened to me today. I'm not supposed to leave work while I'm on the clock, but I was starting to walk around without them because it was less disorienting to see everything in a blur. If I looked through one lens at a time, it was fine, but both together fucked with me too much. One of the ladies joked and told me to get an eye patch, turn myself in to a pirate for the day. When I go in there on Tuesday, I'm going to see about scheduling an appointment to get fitted for contacts. Hopefully those don't get fucked up the same as the glasses.

I'm already halfway through season 1 of The Blacklist so there's no way that I'm going to to still have that to keep me entertained throughout the rest of this week. I know that season 2 is on Hulu, but I'd still need something to fill in the in between times. New episodes only air once a week.

Any suggestions?

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Saturday. 10.11.14 4:54 pm
For those rare moments when just one isn't enough ...

Leave it up to a new pair of glasses to remind you that your face, in fact, is definitely not symmetrical. I know that my facial structure is asymmetrical. Everyone's is. Having something to put on your face and trying to make it 'even' is a fast reminder that if you try to make them line up to your eyes, they'll appear crooked. If you try to line them up to an even horizontal line, they won't line up to your eyes and will then make seeing clearly rather challenging. Now, I like a challenge as much as the next person, but being a visually impaired individual kind of requires me to just have to deal with the annoyance of the fact that they will never be 'even.'

My eyes are still adjusting to the new prescription, but I had my tattoo consult today so I had to venture out. It's not messed up enough that I'm incapable of seeing clearly. It just makes me feel like my vision is a little out of whack, despite being able to see clearly. It may have something to do with the fact that the lenses are different prescriptions, with one being a considerable amount stronger than the other. If it's still like this by the end of the week, I'll go back in and see if they can check the prescription to make sure that the correction to the defective lens didn't affect the prescription as well.

Have you ever seen pictures online of people who have played around with photo editing programs where they take your face and split it exactly down the center, then make each side exactly symmetrical? Where they take the left side of your face and create a mirror image of it as the right side and vice versa? I would actually love to see what my face looks like done that way, just to see how radically different I would look should my face be exactly symmetrical. Now to find someone who has access to that kind of program and is good with it.

The entry prior to this one is only small pieces of a bigger picture. It's not very well put together, but it makes sense to me and that's all that matters. Which is also why it has a password; if you know it feel free to read it, but it could be taken out of context or misconstrued without knowing the whole thought process.

Anywho, back to The Blacklist.

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Gone missing
Saturday. 10.11.14 1:28 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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